No. of Recommendations: 103
<<In terms of your MIL moving in and your feelings about it, don't feel bad. My DH knows that all he has to do to get rid of me fast is move in any member of his family...

Best wishes


While we all like to think of ourselves as being independent, that is just an expression of our recent good fortune, I'd suppose.

I've always prized my independence as a bachelor with ample bucks in reserve, but four years ago I developed a herniated disk in my back that left me unable to walk, and not very able to care for myself.

Despite having good medical care, glitches affected me negatively. Most importantly, I couldn't get a walker sturdy enough for me from the medical supply house I had to deal with, because the so-and-sos were out of stock. I wound up being house bound because it didn't occur to me to get a pair of crutches, and housekeeping and personal care nose dived.

After a couple of weeks of this, my brother and sister in law (both RNs) invited me to live with them, and insisted on it when I was reluctent to accept their kind offer. I really had no idea how poorly I was managing ---crawling around my house and such.

I recall that when my brother came to the door, he was carrying a pair of crutches, which I grabbed with delight ---suddenly, I could walk again! While we tend to think of someone using crutches as being crippled, I can assure you that is not the case. The person who NEEDS crutches and doesn't have them is the person who is crippled.

I'm sure my sister in law was the main person behind inviting me into their home ---not a lot goes on there that doesn't receive her approval. And inviting a 50 year old crippled brother in law into your home is a big potential problem. There are obviously lots of ways that could wind up being a big problem. But she, my brother and their children did so anyway, a huge help to me.

They refused to accept my offer to pay them for their help, except for a few bucks to compensate them for buying particular things for my use. After a couple of month of recouperation, I was much improved, and was able to look after their house while they were on an extended trip for a couple of months. After that help to them, I was able to get out, with many thanks for their help.

After really being a part of their family for a while, we were much closer after that episode, and I've looked for ways to be helpful to them and their children. I also did my best to avoid being a pain in the neck and to minimize the burden I might be, and looked for any available way to be helpful.

The bottom line for me on this was that families who choose to help family members experiencing difficulties may well be a really enormous help to someone in trouble. Secondly, a person being helped has a responsibility to respect the values of those who are helping him. You aint independent, and your plan to be independent failed ---face up to it and make it as easy for the people helping you as possible.

And don't make suckers out of people who help you. Treat them as the extraordinarily generous people that they are.

Seattle Pioneer

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