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Hi Folks, and especially impolite

Just so everyone gets the "clear picture" from the start, I have no agenda. Sharing is sharing. Take was seems useful and discard the rest.

I'm a guy. I am now married to a wonderful woman for many years that probably I would have despised in my teen and early 20 years. She is great. Smart, independent, self-sufficient... a soul mate.

Earlier in my 30's I suppose I went through something of what you are dealing with at present. A prolonged divorce of 3 years. We had 2 children and neither of us was "Adult enough" to just shake hands and move our separate ways. Problem is I made lots of money, and even though we married early and young and I paid her way to get her accounting degree, we ended things terribly. I wanted to just take our lumps and move on. Her attorney was smart and ruthless. Knew the system and how to pad his hours. I had to pay $5000 a month for those 3 years until things got resolved. During this time she put signs up in her front yard that said "***** doesn't take care of his children"

Although the judge was furious, what was done? Nothing. Take the signs down and don't do something like that again. Friends started to wonder, the community was getting their gossip grapevines titillated and my kids were the worse off for it.

All I can say is that it is not gender specific, and my kids who are now both finishing up their college careers, call every day or so. Who do you think in the long run has supported the kids the best? I mean emotionally, financially, the whole gamut? The none alcoholic one of us who refused also to lambast the other parent. Stick to your guns. My friends are my friends and my finances after many years are back on track. My kids I'm sure have their share of jaundice views, but all in all they seem pretty well adjusted. Both have the typical boyfriend, girlfriend relationships and hold no ill will toward my second family. We cruise together and recently I got to attend their college homecoming game down on the field. (My oldest is about to be commissioned in the Army as a lieutenant and they do those silly pushups after a score)

I hear your pain and I empathize with you. I will tell you from this side of the story though that you will emerge the victor in every way that is truly important if you keep your cool and keep what is important at the center of your decisions. Be truthful to a fault. If you have made boo-boos then own up to them. If not, then do not give in to time pressures or worries about how your children will do.

I hope the best for ya. None of us envision this type of scenario, but ........... such is life. I won't be trite. It is painful, exhausting and also character revealing. Character building???? Well that is up to you and yours.

Best advice.............

Take the time to build good positive memories with friends and kids while all this is going on. It will help the painful and exasperating moments get lost easier with time. You need not write things down unless that is catharsis for your benefit. They will know the real truth even if now it may not seem that way.

Take care............. hope this wasn't an intrusion

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