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No. of Recommendations: 86
My home will shortly be for sale, which means I'm frantically trying to make it look like it's really big and no one lives there. I will never achieve either of these illusions so the next best thing is to make it look like you can walk from one room to the other without tripping on something and no hillbillies live there.

We have off-white carpeting because the people John bought the house from are: a) our friends, b) really nice people, and c) idiots who were unable to resist the allure of off-white carpeting. Needless to say, if you even go near this carpeting with a glass of red wine, the molecules in the wine will leap out of the glass and onto the floor. Also, the carpeting has special magnetic properties which pull the cat's fur out of its follicles and into the carpet fibers. It looks like complete double-wide Appalachian first-cousin hell.

I got an estimate from a service which was $150 to clean two tiny rooms and the stairs. No way, I'm not paying that, I thought. So I went to the hardware store and rented a Rug Doctor® and lugged the thing home with the attachments and hoses and the non-foaming carpet soap. I spent about two hours doing exactly what they said to do and the carpeting looked exactly the same, only wet. So today I called the cleaning service back and they cleaned my carpeting in about 30 minutes and it looks perfect and I had to pony up the $150 in addition the $30 I dropped at the hardware store trying to save money.

The real tragedy here isn't the money. It's that I spent 2+ hours, unneccessarily, engaged in housework. Which I effing hate. Not only am I really bad at it because I'm basically lazy, but I hate it. I always hear women say things like "Oh, housework is such a bother, but I feel so satisfied when it's clean!" and I just blank-stare like a dead fish. I never feel good when I'm done; I feel like, great, I wasted valuable reading and napping time and now it's just going to get dirty again. Seriously, if someone gave me the choice between having my wisdom teeth out again and cleaning the bathroom, I'd say, "Here's the mop. I'll be back as soon as the anesthesia wears off." Maybe I could get a presciption for Darvon® for cleaning the house.

Jean (idiot)
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