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I had made childcare arrangements already, in case DN wasn't available for the kids. It turns out he is NOT available, in a way that makes it hard (but not impossible, I cannot underestimate the man I have learned) for him to ruin the plans. He will be out of town a full week before AND a full week after the nuptials.

When should I apprise him of the fact I am 1) going out of town for 4 days (and where his children can be reached during that time) and 2) I am getting married?

A part of me wants to tell him #1 the day before I am leaving and #2 when I get back, but I'm not sure that's really the nice thing to do.

You might want to check with your lawyer to see if you have to tell him that you'll be out of town and someone else will be caring for the children at that time.

I think you should send him an announcement like you will for other people. Don't pretend it was anything other than well planned and thought out, though. If he asks why you didn't tell him, very matter-of-factly tell him the truth that you thought he'd do something to try and screw it up if he knew about it. Don't elaborate or give him any ideas for future mischief, but you can refer back to previous instances.
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