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I know you are careful. Be sure to look at changes in everything, including tax liability and costs for your mother’s health insurance and SS eligibility. Kind of a 360 financial review because you don’t want to hit unintended consequences.

A follow-up on this: thanks for reminding me about the tax implications; I've been able to minimize them along the way.

I think I'll have quite the work to do for their 2019 taxes, but with the heads up you gave me I am at least aware of it, keeping good records, and making informed decisions.

As for the rest: one piece of this is really causing me some headaches - one company is nearly impossible to get in touch with (in fact, at one point we ended up driving to a local office and just basically not leaving until we at least had some paperwork filed and a few answers), they've dropped calls after my mother has transferred it to me as her spokesperson for that call, meaning we have to call back in and re-certify for me to keep talking to them, etc. but the end appears to be in sight.

The worst consequence at this point is we miss a March 31 date for Medicaid, and then owe March dollars to the nursing home (instead of March - Medicaid, which is what we paid in March via agreement between the lawyer and the home in anticipation of Medicaid being completed).

That's something I can live with, and I've prepped Little Sis and Mom for the same. This is just the best I can do while holding down a job and having to two-step communicate with each account.

Next steps (besides the above) are:

1a) Adding my mother to all accounts, either via POA or having my father call to add her when he's having a good day. The second is far easier and faster, but I'll resort to the first method if needed. So far I've kept the ship afloat by logging into accounts with his username/passwords, but I need her added to the accounts so that we can start making some changes to get her down to living within her income only. I've given her the number to call and the account number for each *in order of importance*, so that good days aren't wasted on something stupid like trash pickup, but instead the ginormous TV bill they pay every month (why?!).

1b) Once she's on the accounts, she will add either my sister or myself to each of them. Guess what I'm not wanting to do all over again in a few years?

2) Going through the medical bills she apparently hasn't been giving to me. GAH. I need to determine which have been paid appropriately, and how much we still owe on each, so that I can get them paid before we do the final asset count - I'd rather that money be (legitimately) spent before they count dollars left in the accounts.

3) Get the medical bills I don't think were paid appropriately to the Union for help on fighting the insurance for payment. Finally (finally like literally I've been saying to do this for months BUT I'M ALSO NOT TRYING TO RAISE MY BLOOD PRESSURE RIGHT NOW) my mother visited the Union hall and was told to bring the incorrect bills there, they have a person that does this kind of thing for members. DOUBLE GAH.

4) Their 2018 taxes. Supposedly all paperwork has come in, and is at their house.

5) Once this is all settled, she will need to redo her will. Her will needs to be re-written to go into a trust so that we don't mess up Dad's medicaid status, but can also still pay for his care if she goes first. {Note: the infusions that are kind of helping and are basically his only hope for some quality of life are only being approved one at a time. We would need to pay for them out of pocket if his insurance/Medicaid refuse.}

I feel like I'm finally making progress, I think because we are past the halfway point on paperwork.

Little Sis is able to field the next neurologist appointment, too - which I didn't realize was such a damn burden until she said she had the day off. Whew.

My executive functioning skills are still in the toilet - it's like my brain's inbox is just full, and stuff is falling out the sides and down behind the desk. I'm managing to keep the important things going, and apparently to most people* it looks like I'm cool as a cucumber, but sweet lawd am I struggling.


*T has noticed an immense difference, I think because I'm putting most effort into work and then my parents' stuff, with home stuff coming in third. He's rolling with the punches, but between his job and this mess, we are really not 100% running the household. Just kind of lurching from THING IN OUR FACE to NEXT THING IN OUR FACE and hoping for the best all around.
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