Skip to main content
Message Font: Serif | Sans-Serif
No. of Recommendations: 82
I was standing in line at the convenience store yesterday, and... No, wait! I am not making this up. I really was standing in line at the convenience store yesterday. Is that so hard to believe?

Anyway this lady, I don't know her, really, but I've seen her before once or twice before, she mumbled something to her son - did I mention that her son was with her? - well nevertheless, it sounded like she said "Feste Award" which I thought a weird coincidence because I was just thinking about the same thing. Funny how that can happen, isn't it?

So I said to her, "Feste Award"? And she gave me a dirty look and shushed her little boy and turned away from me and said to the clerk "I'll have a pack of Salem Ultra-Lights, please." Maybe she thought I said "Can I have your phone number?" It's a common mistake, at least when women hear me.

I thought of mentioning to her that smoking isn't good for her health but she's probably already heard it, and besides we hadn't exactly hit it off so I remained silent. She accepted her merchandise, paid the clerk, turned smartly on one foot, shot me a quick scowl and left.

I happened to glance over my shoulder as she got into her bubble blue Lexus, ("Probably bought it used," I thought) and noticed that her license plate was SPL 241. What a coincidence! Here I am thinking about the Feste Award, and her license plate is SPL 241. It had to be fate. What else could it be?

So the outcome of my little story is that I am adding another nomination to the long and ever growing list of deserving nominees for the Feste Award: "Goofyhoofy".

No! Stop! Just kidding. That was stupid old me getting in there, right in the middle of a nice spl241 story. Sorry about that.

As I was saying before I was interrupted by myself, spl241 would make a great Feste nominee for several reasons. First, he posts mostly on LBYM and REHP and occasionally on HURL. He likes 4-letter words, I guess, but he needs to stretch himself onto a couple of other boards if he's going to get any votes, and frankly we could stand to have his stuff spread around, it's that good. A couple of more interesting stories on the Rambus board would be terrific instead of the crap those guys post there. Honestly, that board it littered with boring rants about the company!

OK, an example is in order. Not from the Rambus board, I'll tell you. You want those, you go to the "Best Of" list, it's either "Rambus got screwed" or "Kerry got screwed" over there, it's all the same.

But here's one from Libem (that's the acronymic pronunciation of LBYM) about his Mom in a nursing home and the memories of home baking. I can almost smell the bunt cake, if only I knew what one smelled like:

You need another? OK, on PA (that's "pa") he talked about how his mother decided she was going to vote in the election. Hmmm. That's two in a row with his mother. I'm thinking he needs to find some new material. Maybe he needs to go stand in a line in a convenience store or something.

Gosh, you need a third? Harumph. Hmmm. Recently he had a "terse exchange" at the lottery machine. For one thing, I love the fact that he used "terse" in the title. For another, I like the fact that he blew $2 at the lottery window and got yelled at downthread for "gambling" by a guy who probably lost $20 grand in the market last year! Ha ha ha, that's a hot one.

Here's a good example, where he runs into a guy while standing in line at the bookstore. Sound familiar? Anyway, the guy buys a dirty magazine, and Chuck catches the encounter. How come this stuff never happens to me? (And I'm usually the guy with the dirty magazine, except when I get caught it's like, my mother or something.)

Anyway, I just think spl241 deserves a nomination because he speels good and uses good grammar, irregardless. Also his stories are shorter than this. And I have gotten some very good tips from him, for instance: paying attention in the checkout line for interesting stories. I wish I could do it, but I guess I'm always fishing for change or something.

Investment advice? I have learned so much from him, for example:

Also, because every maroon in the world is paying $8 to buy a 25¢ magnet that says "I support our troops", I'm not. Buying the magnet, I mean. I don't need to be reminded to support our troops.

However I am taking 20 minutes to write this nomination form to say "I support our teachers" because most people don't, and I'm pretty sure spl241 is a damn good one and deserves to be honored for his contributions, both at real school and here at Fool School.

I love his stuff and I'll bet you do too. I wish I had a magnet that said "Teachers are cool" or maybe "My teachers enabled me to have a great life and get rich and all they got was this crappy magnet on my car." When I did it I'd be thinking of how lucky the kids in spl241's classes probably are and don't know it yet, but even if I did make one up he probably wouldn't see it. However nominating him for the Feste Award for his contributions here is my small way of saying "thanks" to him and to all of them.

Feste nominees should add something unique to the Fool and not be a schmuck. That second part is why I probably never won, but Chuck passes both tests and this is his official nomination. It's due, don't you think?
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 17
I was standing in line at the convenience store yesterday, and... No, wait! I am not making this up. I really was standing in line at the convenience store yesterday. Is that so hard to believe?


No, not at all. Due to a staggering set of similar circumstance I too was standing in a lineup yesterday at the liquor store holding a case of 24 Kokanees and in the line ahead of me was a woman with six kids all dressed in rags as she bought a bottle of Mum's champagne for which she paid scrabbling at the bottom of her purse for needed pennies.

I too thought of SPL241 and, as luck would have it, I glanced out into the parking lot and saw a car with a tag: MICHAELR and I knew intuitively it was mine. Her car, parked next to mine, had the license plate: ONWELFARE. Parked next to this was another with the tag: ONWELFARE2. Sitting in it was a man, I presume her husband, drinking something from a brown-paper bag while scratching lottery tickets.

At this point one of the children whined 'Feste Award'. I am sure he said that because he was the only child without a bag of potato chips or Slurpee in his/her hands. Then again it could be he said, “**** Ward,” since another child could have been called Ward yet I like to think the child had some smarts even though the six were all on sugar highs.

They left and it was my turn. I was greeted by, “Well, what the hell do you want?” and I knew I had to spread some joy so I shot her and felt satisfied I had reduced impoliteness by a small factor.

As I carried my beer into the parking lot I knew it was a SPL241 day: my car was gone and all left was a pile of potato chip bags, empty Slurpee cups, a brown-paper bag, and what looked like $100-worth of failed lottery tickets.

So, gh, I agree with your choice of SPL241 for The Feste Award.


Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 3
...he speels good and uses good grammar, irregardless...


Especially since, in your effort to switch voices, you couldn't even write "grammer"!

You must have had very good teachers.
Print the post Back To Top