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I thought of you during a lot of it actually (CameraNerd's visitation was actually our starting-off point for what we wanted to do for FIL, including CD* and slideshow).

Well, I throw a helluva funeral, that's for sure. :)

Then again when we were deciding how (and frankly, even if) we could bring ourselves to celebrate Leroy Jethro's 1st birthday this year, as it falls on T's birthday too, and none of us feel like celebrating anything.

It's also the anniversary of CameraNerd passing on that day, which this year will just make it seem even sadder than the previous two with everything else going on. Last year it felt....not good, but not bad....because something good came to us that day. This year is just frankly gonna blow chunks.

{heavy sigh}

You know what? The anniversary of CNs death last year was actually worse for me than the year before...until I got the memo that LJ was born on that day. The first year after you lose a spouse is a) a blur and b) a time when people actually try to support you emotionally. The second year, not so much. I deliberately picked 10/25 in the baby pool because I liked the idea of you having your YAY A BABY moment on the anniversary of CN's death, because he liked you so much and would have been ever so happy to see you and T with him.

My vote? Celebrate your kid's birthday. Maybe do it the day before or after T's birthday, maybe just make it a small thing with your sweet little family. But in any case, please express to the universe that you are having a ball with your little boy and get the obligatory "1 year old faceplants into his first birthday cake" picture for posterity. I don't think you will regret doing that, but you may regret not having a picture of it down the road.

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