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I was not trying to say anything but that I think it's appalling how we treat single mothers in our culture. Single fathers have it a little better. It's just the way it is, and unfortunately change comes slowly.
Oh my god I am going to get so many nasty replies to this.


I'll try not to be nasty.

I would dispute the idea that single fathers have it better solely because of gender. Certainly single fathers are more likely to have established careers, and having sufficient income makes it easier to address the challenges of being a single parent.

Being a single parent creates pressure on the employment situation. When a child has an issue that requires immediate parental attention, there is no one else. I was fortunate in that, when my wife left I had an office job and an understanding boss. I took a lot of time away from work for school emergencies. That may have hurt my career, but I don't get to see what would have happened if I'd had a supportive wife to take care of my daughter for those years.

That wouldn't have worked out so well if I'd been in a lower level job. I could have been fired for excess unplanned absences, regardless of my gender. That's the real problem single mothers (as a group) face, compared to single fathers (as a group). The single mother is more likely to be working a lower level job that is unforgiving about family emergencies, and there will be family emergencies. Sometimes there will be a lot of family emergencies. Even if the boss is understanding, having an job that is paid hourly means losing pay to deal with the family emergencies.

And, I think that in many cases (not in ALL cases) our culture sees single fathers as heroes, and single mothers as victims, or as drains.

I think the tendency is to view single parents of either gender who make it without government assistance as heroes, and people who take government assistance as drains. The "drain" attitude is more prevalent on the right side of the political spectrum. It will get linked to gender by circumstance, i.e. more single mothers need assistance than single fathers.

The one phenomenon I've see that does tend to make heroes out of single fathers is that there is gender bias in the divorce courts. The divorce laws may be written in a gender neutral fashion, but the social presumption is that the mother is the primary parent. In some case, such as mine, the mother does not want custody. In other cases, there is a custody battle. If there is a custody battle and the father wins custody, I would assume that there was something obviously wrong with the mother's ability to be a fit parent. That might not be true all the time, but it's what I would expect given no more information than that the father got custody after a legal battle.

The gender bias in divorce courts will also tend to prevent fathers who do not have a strong financial base from getting custody. That results in a situation where single fathers with custody are uncommon, but single fathers with custody who also need public assistance will be practically unheard of.

I am sorry in advance to everyone who is in any way offended by my words, or me, or anything associated with me.

I'm not offended. I'm actually pleased that you were able to tone down the rhetoric and communicate more calmly. You've had some interesting things to say.

Patzer
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