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I'm frequently frustrated by the single mouse button as I'm used to three

Halt, the 1990's are calling. It's been so many years since Apple's OS has only used one button I've forgotten when multiple button actuation was implemented in OS X. It's probably been 15 years by now.

And as far as "Actual USB ports that work with the billion USB devices out there" there is nothing as accommodating as OSX. If, and that's a huge if, a person is having that problem all it requires to fix it is a simple reboot with a special key combination held down.
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