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No. of Recommendations: 3
My father has decided to run for office in our state (not city or county, state).

He's asked me to be his treasurer. After reading about the job (which is truly almost nothing) and determining that the name of the Treasurer for a campaign is public record, I declined. I told him I'd help him sort it all out, but that someone else would have to be named Treasurer. My real name is not on the internet except for public records, and I'm keeping it that way on purpose.

The pickle?

1) I think he's going to get his azz handed to him. Looking at the incumbent, Dad's just out gunned and he's also the complete opposite politically - in a district that will likely vote with the incumbent's party even if it wasn't the exact incumbent. It's full of young and middle age-headed families, with middle class incomes. The incumbent is literally in that demographic, active in the community and in the dominant church of his stated religion within that exact area. He's FROM the area, went away to college and to gain political experience, then moved back to the area to start his career. Real polished guy.

2) I am also the complete opposite politically. Waaaaaaaay over thisaway, Dad waaaaaay over thataway. At times he seems to grasp this, and has even asked me in the past that if he were to run for something that my area voted in, would I vote for him? And I've honestly told him no. No. You would not adequately represent me or my family. But then kind of keeps trucking like he didn't understand. He actually thought I'd help him campaign. Like....no. I will help YOU with tasks related to this fun new thing you are trying, but I will under no circumstances say "Vote for Dad!" because I *don't think he should win*. Which is really really hard.

3) Addendum to this, I'd let my kids help stuff envelopes, or even tag along with him if they wanted to. I think seeing the inner workings of a small campaign would be a great learning opportunity, regardless of the party of the campaign.

4) I have no time. I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS, which also seems to be something he's not grasping well. The only reason I said I would help with the exact and only job of setting up a Treasurer for him is I was able to talk to someone who had been the Treasurer for a similar job in another area, and that guy said it really wasn't that bad, plus they had really good training available. He said 45 minutes tops a month for a small campaign with few donations (see #1). My father is of course retired, so has ALL THE TIME and doesn't seem to grasp at all that I do not, despite me constantly telling him this (and being actually unavailable).

5) Addendum to THAT is that I know he's going to want more help, over and over again, on other items and I'm not going to help - my year literally STARTS getting busy when this would really get into the guts of the matter, and right NOW I don't have time...i really really REALLY won't then. And even if I did? This is not how I would spend it, which seems to just absolutely blow his mind.

6) His supposed reason for retiring was to spend more time with the grandkids and so far he's gotten a small part time job because he was bored - which fine, whatever, your life, but with every grandkid IN something and getting awards at school and needing rides to volunteer hours etc. I didn't understand bored - makes absolutely no effort to get involved with what we are all doing despite us making every single possible schedule available to him (my mother seems to get herself there fine), randomly requests assistance with things at HIS house, on his timeline, with no regard for those aforementioned schedules, and now DESPITE CONTINUALLY SAYING HE WISHED HE HAD MORE TIME WITH HIS GRANDKIDS, is running for office (which will take time) for a job that will literally mean he lives elsewhere part of the year. I cannot express to you the side-eye I'm restraining from giving on this one.

Bottom line: I think he will have a really fun time doing this, and I don't think he will regret it despite getting beat (and seriously, the incumbent would basically have to kick puppies on live TV to even have the chance of losing), so I WANT him to entire retirement and do something that brings him joy. I just have this overwhelming foreboding of conflict - I already feel pretty stressed managing my relationship with him, and I know this is going to amp that up 3000%. It will become nearly constant.

That's the pickle - I want him to do this if he wants to do it, and I also know I'm about to have 9 months of a really strained relationship with him, too.

impolite
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No. of Recommendations: 2
I feel like lots of folks who don't post here anymore would have some really great ideas about handling this...

peace & scary, MPF, GSF, poppy, sug ...
t
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No. of Recommendations: 7
Perhaps you could spin it that getting an outside treasurer would demonstrate support from people that were not family members. The treasurer could be a key part of his campaign team rather than just completing required forms. The treasurer may have connections that could help him with fundraising and procuring yard signs, etc.

Also, it is completely fair that you can tell him that you absolutely cannot take on one more task, you are at the breaking point. The treasurer role has filing deadlines, and you are not willing to take on something like that.

I don't think men of his generation have any idea how much of a mental burden of running a household with children really takes. If your dad really understood what you do in a month, he would not ask you to take this on.

It is far easier to type "just say no" than it is to do it, especially because you know it will strain the relationship. But however you determine to say no, make sure that you don't end up doing it out of guilt or to save the relationship. You have to take care of yourself, your family and live by your political beliefs.

Cosmos
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No. of Recommendations: 3
I don't think men of his generation have any idea how much of a mental burden of running a household with children really takes. If your dad really understood what you do in a month, he would not ask you to take this on.

I think this is a good portion of it, too.

But (and this is definitely part of the overall dynamic) I feel like he should listen and consider - not understand, because how could he? but consider - that I'm actually explaining my life accurately, and he should at the very least allow that *I have more information than he does on the subject*, since it's my life.

I get the occasional "you are too busy! It's not healthy." but usually in the context of "I don't like some of your choices because they are confusing", not "I'm concerned about you, how can I help?"

He just cannot compute that we are busy because we've decided all these things are important, to one of us, both of us or the general well-being and/or the overall chance all of our children become productive citizens. Our money, time and energy are very purposefully allocated. This leave little to no time for things that are not top of the list. I've told my dad before I like spending time with him, but mid-day my one unscheduled day that week is not an option. That reserved for my sanity, because I am important too. Need a kidney or part of my liver, tell me when and where - but noon on a non-tournament Saturday for any of the children, that's also not reserved for one of us to be working, is My Time. I'll be napping, because I like naps.

So yeah, that's definitely in there. With a side dose of guilty feeling in me, because T is a true man of HIS generation and flat pulls at least 1/2 the weight around here. I think that's the key to a good marriage maybe, we each think the other is a super hero pulling more weight than we are, and we thank each other for it. So what am I complaining about?

<SIGH> Being an adult is hard, especially now that I'm old enough people expect me to act like one.

impolite
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No. of Recommendations: 1
I feel like he should listen and consider -

If he wont even listen and consider YOUR needs, how prone is he to be attentive to the needs of his potential constituents?


peace & veering off topic
t
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No. of Recommendations: 6
My actual first thought is that while you are not looking for a new job, messing around in politics could limit your future job options. Lame excuse but an excuse nonetheless.
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messing around in politics could limit your future job options. Lame excuse but an excuse nonetheless.

Good call, rad. Thanks for this, I'll definitely add it to my list of reasons for my name not to be mentioned anywhere.

Thanks to all of you. Talking it out a little helped.

impolite
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No. of Recommendations: 0
If he wont even listen and consider YOUR needs, how prone is he to be attentive to the needs of his potential constituents?

It's.....he has some 20 years ago version of politics in his head I think?

Like he's talking about door-to-door as his main point of contact, and I'm all....you don't understand this district AT ALL.

The likelihood of anyone even BEING home at any given point of time is pretty low (young, professionals, with Kids In Activities), and if they ARE home, they will not like the interruption. Some old dude showed up at my house the one damn evening I'm having dinner with my family would NOT go well.

Overall I don't think he understands their needs, and I agree with your assessment - he wouldn't be able to listen and then act on them, either.

impolite
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No. of Recommendations: 6
This is sad. He seems desperate for attention and to feel important again.

TBS, expecting you and others to do the heavy lifting so he can play like djt* and wander around glad-handing and schmoozing (that's the way I'm reading it) is unrealistic. You're definitely in a pickle. My sympathies.

Chili
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No. of Recommendations: 3
impolite:

{{{messing around in politics could limit your future job options. Lame excuse but an excuse nonetheless.}}}

"Good call, rad. Thanks for this, I'll definitely add it to my list of reasons for my name not to be mentioned anywhere."

You may also want to ensure that your picture does not get used in flyers or ads, (even with no name, but identification as his daughter). Discuss with your DH (or perhaps he does not care if his picture is used) and consider the same about your kids, too.

Regards, JAFO
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No. of Recommendations: 3
You may also want to ensure that your picture does not get used in flyers or ads,

!!!!!!!!!

I had not considered this. GAH. I will definitely have to make that clear - that my and my children's pictures and names will not be used.

FRACK.

impolite
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No. of Recommendations: 1
This is sad. He seems desperate for attention and to feel important again.

Thanks for articulating this - yes, I definitely think this is a motivation for him.

It makes me incredibly sad because he's a very smart man who's worked hard all his life - he deserves to enjoy retirement. I'd hoped that he was just a little adrift after so many years of working....that he'd settle in after a while. Plus a selfish wish that my children would get the benefit of TIME with him, which they haven't had all these years.

And hell maybe this IS settling in, I just hope it doesn't slash and burn my relationship with him in the meantime.

impolite
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No. of Recommendations: 13
That's the pickle - I want him to do this if he wants to do it, and I also know I'm about to have 9 months of a really strained relationship with him, too.

impolite


Sorry to but in, but I would like to add my two cents.

I can certainly understand that you do not have the extra time to help your dad if he campaigns and I can understand your political differences also come into play. I think you have to be firm that you will not be helping with the campaign. Your father will have to find other help.

However, this is something your father apparently wants to do, and I admire his ambition. He's raised a family, doesn't have to be at every grandkids' event(s) and has earned the right to spend his time doing something he wants. No matter if he wins or loses, for some reason this is important to him. (Doesn't mean he has the right to expect you to participate).

My 31 year old daughter passed away in November. As I paddle to keep from drowning in grief, I am realizing there are a few things I want to do. Some chances I want to take, some dreams I want to chase. I don't want to find myself in later years saying "could of", "should of", "wish I had". I'm overwhelmed with enough of those thoughts presently.

On behalf of your father, let him chase a dream. Stay firm that you will not be helping, as it is his dream and not yours.

I will hope your relationship is not too strained the next 9 months.

-Donna
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No. of Recommendations: 4
fancifree: "My 31 year old daughter passed away in November."

Sorry for you loss; parents are not intended to bury their children

"As I paddle to keep from drowning in grief, I am realizing there are a few things I want to do. Some chances I want to take, some dreams I want to chase. I don't want to find myself in later years saying "could of", "should of", "wish I had". I'm overwhelmed with enough of those thoughts presently."

Your words remind me of one of my favorite quotes:

John Greenleaf Whittier: "For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'."

Best Wishes, JAFO
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No. of Recommendations: 5
Just stick to items #4 & #5. You don't have the time. And put your foot down on that and stick to it. Being a campaign treasurer is a lot of work and responsibility, not necessarily proportional to the job the candidate is seeking, depending on your state's laws and campaign regulations. No need to get into the politics of it all; that will just make more personal/family drama that doesn't have to be brought into it.

Bill
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No. of Recommendations: 8
An brief update on how this has gone so far:

Several more "could you do XYZ?" requests, which I declined. Most of the time it went like this:

Dad: Could you do X?

Me: No, because Y (usually because it would have been publicly putting my name on something)

Him: But I need you to because ABC!

Me: <crickets>

Dad (a few days later): I had someone else do this/did it myself/hired someone.

Leading me to believe I'm just the easy-out solution, and when left to his own devices he's perfectly capable of figuring it out on his own.

I have helped *where I could, where it cost me very little time and no money, and where it didn't publicize my name*. Namely advice on a few things, and a sounding board for a website build he was hiring someone to do for him. I was able to schedule the calls for otherwise dead time (commute to/from work).

We've also had to explain that his grand plans for "the grandkids helping" him campaign this summer aren't going to amount to anything much - the kids are busy, like have-their-own-lives kind of busy, so even if they wanted to help (which remains to be seen), they most likely won't have the time.

<shrug> So actually a little better than expected, but still kind of a pain.

impolite
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No. of Recommendations: 6
Never updated!

He didn't make it past the primary, which is actually a bit of a shame because the day after the election (the LITERAL DAY AFTER) some really disturbing prior statements from the guy that DID win came to light.

So Dad was disappointed on two fronts: that he didn't win, and that the guy that did win is basically a non-starter for November.

Our (Dad's and mine) relationship weathered it Ok - we are definitely more distant due to the space I had to create, so I guess time will tell if that will stay the same or we'll grow closer again.

impolite
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