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My father's struggle with cancer ended late this morning. He passed away quietly and comfortably - with myself, my brother, my mother and our pastor all in the hospice with him.

While a few mere words could never do the man who I was blessed to be able to call "Dad" justice, I wrote the post linked below a few years ago - and it offers some tiny glimpse into what kind of man he was.

http://boards.fool.com/Message.asp?mid=19089132

Be at peace Dad, I'm going to miss you.


Russell
a.k.a. TMFEldrehad

(cross-posted to Surving Cancer message board)

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My hat is off to you for your positive outlook. May he rest in peace.
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Amen.
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Russell, you are so fortunate to have had your Dad. And he, you.

Fool on,

David 

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Sorry for your loss.

 As sad as it is, it is such a blessing to be able to say that you could never do justice to describe your parent.

 

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Russell,

Sorry to hear the news. 

I enjoyed reading that post about your dad (I've had my own share of stupid stories with things catching on fire).  I know you'll really miss him, and my thoughts are with you. 

Todd

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Sorry for your loss.
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Russell,

My thoughts are with you and your family. He seems to have been the kind of dad many would have wished for.

Take care,

Bobby

a.k.a Ganeshaa

 

 

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I'm really, really sorry for your loss!

My dad was born in 1930, and I have to say that something about that generation that makes people extremely stubborn, self-sufficient, and frugal.  My dad, who's sitting on a small self made fortune, would recycle all of his plastic Saran wrap and use them again and again.  But as frugal as he is, he'll help out anyone in a heartbeat.

 I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose my own father, so my heart goes out to you for your loss.

 May you find peace ...

 - minmoose

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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this extremely sad time.  May your dad rest in peace.  And may your family find peace in the beautiful memories you have of a truely fine man.

JD

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I'm sorry for your loss.
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Russell,

  I am sorry for your loss.  Your dad will live in your memory-- and in ours, after reading that story.  Thank you.

 

Mike

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My sincere condolences.  Our parents' generation is unique as is ours.  However, the degree of self reliance aka stubborness and frugality may never be equaled barring another national experience to rival that of the Depression/WWII.

The grief we feel at the passing of a loved one is the price we pay for the joy we took from the relationship.  In the moment the loss may make the arrangement seem unfair.  Over time we realize the exchange is more than equitable.

God be with you and your family

Sincerely,

Chris 

 

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Russell -- I am sorry for your loss.  Thanks you for the story about your dad. Be Well. Find Peace. -- Ethelle
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Russell,

Your father lives on within you.  He will continue to guide your actions for as long as you live.  He will guide your wife and Little Eldrehad as well through the values he passed onto you and the example he set in his life.

Now, because of your sharing, he's had a chance to touch a wider audience.

You're a good man, and we can see where at least some of that came from.

Best wishes,

DB Bob

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Russ: Having lost both my mother and then my father in the past 2 years I sympathize with your loss.  You mean a lot to us here and from your posts I believe you meant a lot to your father and still do to your mother. Dusty

 

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Russ: I lost my father five years ago to cancer as well.  A day doesn't go by that I think about him.  God bless your father, you and your family.  Jeff
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Russell-

So very sorry to hear the news. Remember the many lovely things he taught you and by sharing them with family and friends -- his Spirit lives on.

Gwen/aka Tally2007

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Russel, I am really sorry for your father.

May God bless your father, you and your family.

My best wishes for you. Sincerelly,

 Bruno/aka bfmaceio

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I know it's late but I want to offer my condolences.  I'm truly sorry for your loss. 

I lost my father about 5 years ago to cancer and I know it's hard to let go and say good bye.  Having said that, always know that he will remain with you in spirit and if you ever really need to see him...just look in the mirror and look deep in your eyesand I promise you,you'll see him.  May God Bless you and your family Russell

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Russ:

I read your original message in the forum and I thought about 99.9% of the time you were talking about my dad. lovable but hard headed.  He just turned 87 on the 8th.

God bless your father, you and your family. 

 

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I am sorry for your loss I have lost both my parents and it was very difficult.But that dose not compare to what I have experinced last month when our son was taken from us .He was just 19 years old. I miss every monent and my wife and I are struggling to make sense of what has happend.He was my buddy my best friend.It has helped understand the importance of family and friends and to know that money is not all that matters.
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My father is of the same generation and facing his own cancer. We just finished 8 weeks of radiation. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Melanie

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"While a few mere words could never do the man who I was blessed to be able to call "Dad" justice, I wrote the post linked below a few years ago - and it offers some tiny glimpse into what kind of man he was."

The words in your post offer us a very real gllimpse of the type of man your father was. They also provide us an image of the type of man his son has become.   Your Dad must have been very proud to know he was leaving the world a better place with you as a part of  his legacy.

In you his memory lives and through you it will continue.

Your Dad can rest in peace. God Bless Pat/tex41

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My husband lost his father late in January,

I hope your love, his strength and the dreams you had together, place a little smile on your face when ever you think of him.

I dont know you in person however I know that each day you seem to kick butt, share your knowledge and care about strangers, I ask what more could a father ask of any son.

: )
Eva
poorinyelm
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Very sorry about the passing of your father.....when you have time...... 

IS CANCER CHEMOTHERAPY AND RADIATION WORTH IT IN THE SHORT OR LONG RUN??

IS THE QUALITY OF LIFE BETTER OR WORSE WITH IT OR

WITHOUT IT??

IT SEEMS THAT AFTER ALL THE PAIN AND SUFFERING, THERE IS STILL death AFTER 5 TO 7 YEARS REGARDLESS OF CHEMO AND RADIATION ...HAS ANYONE TRIED TO BEAT CANCER WITHOUT ALL THE CHEMO/RADS??

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Sorry to hear of your loss. My brother passed on the 12th of April. God  bless these wonderful humans that  helped make our lives!

                                  Jack   


Here's a little something I'd like to contribute:

From:  Father John Powell, a professor at Loyola University in Chicago ,
writes about a student in his Theology of Faith class named Tommy:

 Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students
file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith.
That was the day I first saw Tommy.  My eyes and my mind both blinked.

He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his
shoulders.  It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair
that long.  I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my
mind that it isn't what's on your head but what's in it that counts; but
on that day I was unprepared and my emotions flipped.  I immediately
filed Tommy under "S" for strange... Very strange.

Tommy turned out to be the "atheist in residence" in my Theology
of Faith course .  He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined
about the possibility of an unconditionally loving Father/God. We
lived with each other in relative peace for one semester, although I admit
he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew.

When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final
exam, he asked in a cynical tone, "Do you think I'll ever find  God?"

 I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. "No!" I said very
emphatically.

"Why not," he responded, "I thought that was the product you
were pushing."
I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then called
out, "Tommy!  I don't think you'll ever find Him, but I am absolutely
certain that He will find you!"  He shrugged a little and left my
class and my life.
I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed
my clever line -- He will find you!  At least I thought it was
clever.

Later I heard that Tommy had graduated, and I was duly grateful. Then a sad report came.  I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer.  Before I
could search him out, he came to see me. When he walked into my
office, his body was very badly wasted and the long hair had all fallen out
as a result of chemotherapy.  But his eyes were bright and his voice was
firm, for the first time, I believe.
"Tommy, I've thought about you so often; I hear you are sick," I
blurted ou t.

"Oh, yes, very sick.  I have cancer in both lungs.  It's a
m atter of weeks."

"Can you talk about it, Tom?" I asked.

 "Sure, what would you like to know?" he replied.
 "What's it like to be only twenty-four and dying?"

"Well, it could be worse."

"Like what?"
"Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals, like
being fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money
are the real biggies in life.."

I began to look through my mental file cabinet under "S" where I
had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as though everybody I try to
reject by classification, God sends back into my life to educate me.)
 "But what I really came to see you about," Tom said, "is
something you said to me on the last day of class."

(He remembered!)
 He continued, "I asked you if you thought I would ever find God
and you said, 'No!' which surprised me. Then you said, 'But He will
find you.'  I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was
hardly intense at that time."
(My clever line.  He thought about that a lot!)

"But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me
that it was malignant, that's when I got serious about locating God.
And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began
banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven.  But God did not
come out.  In fact, nothing happened.  Did you ever try anything for a
long time with great effort and with no success?  You get psychologically
glutted, fed up with trying.  And then you quit.

"Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more
futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may
not be there, I just quit.  I decided that I didn't really care about
God, about an after life, or anything like that.  I decided to spend what
time I had left do ing something more profitable.  I thought about
you and your class and I remembered something else you had said: 'The
essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would
be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without
ever telling those you loved that you had loved them.

"So, I began with the hardest one, my Dad.  He was reading the
newspaper when I approached him.  'Dad.'

'Yes, what?' he asked without lowering the newspaper. 'Dad, I
would like to talk with you.'

'Well, talk.'
'I mean. It's really important'.


The newspaper came down three slow inches. 'What is it?'
'Dad, I love you, I just wanted you to know that.'"  Tom smiled
at me and said it with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a wa rm
and secret joy flowing inside of him.

"The newspaper fluttered to the floor.  Then my father did two
things I could never remember him ever doing before.  He cried and he
hugged me.  We talked all night, even though he had to go to work the
next morning.  It felt so good to be close to my father, to see his
tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me.

"It was easier with my mother and little brother.  They cried
with me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice
things to each other.  We shared the things we had been keeping
secret for so many years. I was only sorry about one thing --- that I had
waited so long.  Here I was, just beginning to open up to all the
people I had actually been close to.

"Then, one day I turned around and God was there.  He didn't
come to me when I pleaded with Him.  I gue ss I was like an animal
trainer holding out a h o op, 'C'mon, jump through.  C'mon, I'll give
you three days, three weeks.' Apparently God does things in His own way
and at His own hour.  But the important thing is that He was there.  He
found me! You were right.  He found me even after I stopped looking
for Him."


"Tommy," I practically gasped, "I think you are saying something
very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at
least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make
Him a private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in
time of need, but rather by opening to love.  You know, the Apostle
John said that.  He said: 'God is love, and anyone who lives in love is
living with God and God is living in him.' Tom, could I ask you a
favor?

You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain.  But
(laughingly) you can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my
present Theolog y of Faith course and tell them what you have just
told me?  If I told them the same thing it wouldn't be half as effective
as if you were to tell it."


"Oooh.. I was ready for you, but I don't know if I'm ready for your class."
 "Tom, think about it.  If and when you are ready, give me a
call."



In a few days Tom called, said he was ready for the class that
he wanted to do that for God and for me.  So we scheduled a date.

However, he never made it.  He had another appointment, far more
important than the one with me and my class.  Of course, his life was
not really ended by his death, only changed.  He made the great step
from faith into vision.  He found a life far more beautiful than the
eye of man has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of
man has ever imagined.

Before he died, we talked one last time. "I'm not going to make
it to your class," he said.


 "I know, Tom."

"Will you tell them for me?  Will you .. tell the whole world
for me?"


"I will, Tom.  I'll tell them.  I'll do my best."


So, to all of you who have bee n kind enough to read this simple
story about God's love, thank you for listening.  And to you, Tommy,
somewhere in the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven --- I told them,
Tommy, as best I could.


If this story means anything to you, please pass it on to a
friend or two.  It is a true story and is not enhanced for publicity
purposes.
With thanks, Rev. John Powell, Professor, Loyola University , Chicago

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As someone who lost their father to cancer several years ago (he was in his 50's), I feel your pain.  There just aren't any words.  My heart goes out to you.
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Hi Russell,

I am sorry for your loss. I have read with passion the story about your dad, what a great man he was! Thank you for sharing it with us, it is good to be reminded of those little pieces which really make life beautiful. 

 

Best wishes to you and your family,

Pavel 

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What a nice tribute to your father. May God grant you His peace.
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Sorry for your loss, Russell. You and your family will be in my prayers. 

 

Todd Wenning (TMF Phila) 

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I'm terribly sorry to hear about your loss. May God's blessings be with you and your family.

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I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost my Dad 20 years ago to cancer and my Mom earlier this year.  Remember the memories and he'll always be with you in spirit.   

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