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sometimes I feel like I'm in hell....

I don't even know where to start..guess I'll start at the end...

(the beginning is way to far back...and I don't have another lifetime to explain it all...)

okay..I'm using too many ....'s today

I just called to see if I could schedule an appointment with the counselor I was seeing before... and she's out on medical leave until September. grrr.... I called my primary physician to see if I needed a referral and they said no. (new medicaid/insurance provider) When I called to schedule the appointment they transferred me to intake and the intake lady said that I needed a script. So why didn't they tell me that at my PCP?

Stupid insurance idiots, sent me a letter and said I didn't sign up for a PCP when I sent in my insurance info, which I know for a fact that I did. They just arbitrarily assigned me some one which is located - what - an hour an a half away? I called and told them to change it.. and the idiot on the phone didn't even know how to pronounce Seneca... I asked him...where are you located? "Queens NY" I told him he needed to learn the rest of the state. (this after having to pronounce and spell manlius 3 times. (((The whole bloody east coast is full of Native American names and these idiots in NY city don't know how to pronounce any of them.))) *** Don't get me going on NYC *** I have a choice of seeing someone else for a month or so, or waiting till September to see my former CSW who (whom?) I liked very much.

I'm about ready to pull a Lizzie Borden on both my parents. My mother is flipping out over the stupidest little things... my father doesn't know the meaning of "Close the gate or the dog will get out" and that's just the tip of the iceburg.

Survived the wedding. Actually had a good time. If I ever get around to it, I'll tell that story in full.

My sister found a Haier Air conditioner at a garage sale for $20. (sold in stores for @$300. 12000BTU's. Awesome. I've actually been able to get some sleep.(it was bordering 85 and higher in my room at night.) Of course then my mother threw a hissy fit, because she didn't have one too. So she ended up borrowing one from my sister, because we couldn't find one in the stores for her to buy.

My beloved cat has gone MIA. One night she was there, the where to be found. It was during the major hot days, so I thought maybe she was under the house or something. But it's been almost a week now and she hasn't shown up. I finally managed to print up some flyers today. (after about 2 days of trying to get the printer to work and having to refill ink cartridges, etc.) Even as annoying as she was some times, I really miss her. I'm kicking myself for not having taken more pictures of her.

I thought I blew the power supply on my Desktop comp the other day. Went to plug it in and saw a flash, then tried turning it on...nothing. I unplugged it, and today I plugged it back in and it actually turned on. So I'm breathing a big sigh of relief on that one.

Got into a huge fight today with the border collie escaped the yard and the neighbors were walking their Newfoundland, and Shaughnessy decided he was going to nip at her. I attempted to catch him and of course he just thought it was a game. Idiot neighbor just stood their screaming at me...can't you catch your dog? (she's about 20 and never was too awfully bright) I told her to take her dog home, as that's where they were going. Lacy, (the newfie) was growling at my dog, (normally they get along okay). I told the girl to just let Lacy go and she would bite Shaughnessy and put him in his place and that would be that. But she kept screaming at me. I've never understood why people get dogs and they don't have any clue how they interact with each other. Meanwhile her boyfriend and two other guys are standing around just yelling..watching me try to catch Shaughnessy. My idiot parents didn't even bother to stick their head out the door to see if they could help. Mind you the Newfie is not fixed and is in heat, and my border collie although he is fixed is male.

After finally getting Shaughnessy in the house, I had to drag him into his crate where he is sitting now. Locked in prison, punished, because my idiot parents can't be bothered to close a gate. ...This is another long story that has tons of pages to it. Suffice to say Shaughnessy needs professional training, and my mother swore up and down she was going to give me money to have him trained. But... I'm left holding the bag.

I have been sneezing my head off today. I sneeze so hard and loud, the dog gives me strange looks. What really sucks is when I sneeze about 6 times in a row and end up almost peeing my pants. My sinuses are killing me, and I feel a migraine is in the works. Of course, some of that could be all the stress.

Is it wrong to be angry at my brother for dying and leaving me stuck with my parents? :-/ Haven't heard a thing from my SIL since the wedding, despite my sending her several emails. Maybe she's mad cause we never sent a wedding present. (jk) Haven't gotten around to it yet.

I've seriously thought about asking an aquaintence (sp?) how much the house they have for rent, is. Hoping I could get some federal assistance with the rent, if I moved out of this house. I'd probably have to get a roommate though, and then I'd be back in the same boat I'm in now.

I can't win for losing.... and don't even know how to start to get out of this hole I'm in. I asked a friend who works at a local bank about the part time Teller jobs they have listed, but figure they won't hire me because of my bad credit. Of course if I had a job, ...I wouldn't have bad credit. (well a decent paying one anyway.) Assuming I have the mental capacity to even work a job.

Finally got dad to finish up with the Power of Attny and the will. Now if we could just get him to do a health care proxy maybe we could get somewhere. Oh..and we need to do the same with mom.

I'm dying to go camping. Just to get away from everyone. No money though. And my sisters got my truck. Did I tell you we got a free cap for the truck? It needs a window in the back, but it's the same colour of the truck. People think I'm crazy cause I collect odds and ends of stuff and save it for projects later. I call it living below your means. Lol! (or is it living below the poverty level?)

going to attempt to have a lawn sale this weekend. (and probably through till the snow flies.) Mom has agreed to get rid of some of the stuff in storage. Of course I'm the one who will have to do all the work and probably get none of the money. I got half the porch cleaned off. (took the old couch off it and put it out in the tent for the garage sale.) I found the chair I was making a slip cover for. had the pattern half done. finished the pattern. I think I'm going to finish the cover, (already have the fabric) and keep the chair. I'd want to much for it after I'd done all the work on it to sell it in the sale. Besides, it's a comfortable chair and I have enough fabric left over to cover a foot stool that I have. I kinda like doing upholstery. If I only had the time and the space to do it.

BTW I wanna thank Joyce for sending me email. She's always sending me a off blog message checking to see if I'm still alive. Lol! It's nice to know someone cares. :-) I'm afraid I'm lousy at responding.

Well I suppose I should quit babbling and get back to scanning pages out of magazines. (Started doing this for my mother, and then found a bunch of knitting patterns and recipes I wanted for myself. go figure!)

I hope y'all are doing well. or as well as you can manage. 'grats to joyce for getting off her meds. (sometimes I think I should be on them!) The ones I'm supposed to take I seem to take about 50% of the time. judging by the frequency of renewing my prescription. My multiple alarm watch has gone missing, I'm thinking the dog either ate it, or buried it in the back yard somewhere. (let me know if you hear the alarm go off out there, so I can find it.)

Lady Ianna: I'd be dead if I didn't have my dead pan humour! I've lost my internet connection...okay..copy and paste.... till it comes back!!

poor dog is now stuck out in the yard on a chain.. barking his head off. If he stops barking I know I'm in trouble as he's probably chewed through the chain and escaped again.
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It's good to hear from you, anyway.

I have been coping with the heat but it is difficult. No A/C at home, but at least there is A/C in the car and at work. I am WAY behind with the housework (spent time at the mall or at the movies on weekends), and my sleep/wake schedule seems to be a bit messed up. But I have not gotten sick, at least.

Still working, and still trying to get the house fixed up. I am concentrating on needed repairs and hopefully I can also get the kitchen cabinets stripped and repainted this summer (DIY job, there.) Hoping the bathroom does not fall apart before I can get to it.

Other than that, not much happening.

- Paint
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Haven't been here in a long time, sorry you have been through so much. But you sound like you are surviving sturdily. Thanks for sharing here.

Lois Carmen
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ha ha, on me off my meds
(I"'ll explain later), thanks for caring about me caring, I love you you know Lady I. You've been going through all this craziness since.. since about when my mother died
& we were having all the weirdness about my dad. That kind of settled in a way with his death, and my sister is still TALKING TO ME.

I was so very very down, and my husband said he would have traded me in if I were a car (yes, but I'm a car who handles your health insurance.....)and then monday I got this call on my cell phone and missed it.

Would I still be interested in the program I applied for (OT asst. at local community college). Would I be interested??!! Never mind that I wasn't accepted in June, never mind that I had convinced myself I must be due to retire & learn to paint or something. Yeah hell yes.

So now I have a reason to hang around the college & try to accomplish something, maybe to be too busy to worry about my house falling down around me (or better yet to get everything organized between, uh, now and mid August?)
and about the Med thing.... I determined, after some thought & mayabe not enough prayer, that I was doing--or at least feeling--better with some Paxil, and something my husband said sort of hinted maybe that would be a good idea, so I went to drug store & dont you know my RX was still valid. So I'll start back on this tomorrow (wait, its after midnight...)or maybe Sunday, and we'll see how that goes.

I'll get to the dr when I damn well feel like it.
And I'll get a student loan soon enough to buy a real computer. woo hoo!

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Aahh.. about the Heat. No Ac at home, DH bought another fan at a garage sale today (exactly like one we have but without the sun damage, its one of those double fans with the accordions at the edges and I guess they were breaking up on our old one?)
No Ac in cars, but they have windows that open! I can't stick my head out like a dawg while I'm driving though.

Lots of AC in buses if I take them, and I have a speech class 4 days a week and its air conditined, I sat under a blower at the library theother day and it was so horrible I was glad to get out and cook awhile in Texas heat.

And at 12:30 am out here on the deck its real comfy breezes & all. I haven't noticed any mosquitoes trying to eat me. I think I'm just not sweet enough, eh?

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Joycets -

be glad the mosquitoes don't find you tasty. I walk out back in the evening and I get bit about 5 times in as many minutes. My poor legs and arms look like someone has hit me with a polka dot stick. Worst part is when they swell up and look like I got hit with a baseball.

Something bit me the last week and my arm turned blue and the itching was so bad I had to put a large bandage on it with alcohol, and even then it itched constantly for about a week. and then there was the day when a spider (i think) bit me about 4 times on my back waist and butt. Right at the point where my shorts waist band rubbed. Swelled up pretty good. (and me walking around scratching my butt all the time.)

I've taken to putting ice cubes on them when I can reach them, but that gets annoying after about a min and a half.

so....don't ever complain about not getting bit! Or I'll show you all my bite scars. Lol!

now....anyone wanna buy a couch? seems no one wanted it at my lawn sale....:(

There are times when I regret living out in the middle of nowhere. This is one of them...

Lady I.
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ohh!! I forgot to say... My cat showed up on Friday night.

Went out to check on the tarp I had put up for the lawn sale..(wind had blown it down again) ...and there she was at the front porch door meowing her head off.

Skinny and bony, but otherwise fine.. she made a beeline for my bedroom and her food dish. She must have gotten locked in somewhere. I have no clue where...but it must have had a water source, or I think she would have been done for. (how long can a cat last without water?)

I thought for sure I was never gonna see her again.

So now she's back to her usual cranky self. First thing she did was complain about my moving the furniture around on the front porch. And she's back to waking me up in the middle of the night because she wants out of my room.

oh well....she does keep me company when I'm watching dvd's at night.

I think I'll take more pictures of her... she is really a pretty cat. just informed me he hasn't had hot water in his bathroom for about a month. okay..i'll add it to the list...

(I think my list starts here in NY and ends somewhere in Texas.. so if Joycets would be so kind as to write that on the bottom of my to do list.....)

aggggghhhhhh!!! I need chocolate...(and a home of my own.) *sigh*

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LadyIanna, much sympathies on all the darn bites, but congratulations on your kitty coming back! I've got cats myself and I consider them excellent therapy, seriously. Years ago, they were the only motivation I had to get up in the morning and do things. In any case, she sounds like she's happily home and complaining (I have one kitty like that, I love it even as he gripes, hahah).

And chocolate... hope you find some.

Trying not to sweat too much this afternoon,
Lois Carmen
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Is it wrong to be angry at my brother for dying and leaving me stuck with my parents? :-/ Haven't heard a thing from my SIL since the wedding, despite my sending her several emails. Maybe she's mad cause we never sent a wedding present. (jk) Haven't gotten around to it yet.

I think I missed something here. Your brother died (I'm so sorry), who got married? Or do you have another brother that I did'nt know about?

I haven't kept up with what's going on TMF for quite some time, now I am trying to catch up.

From your post, I sense a lot of anger (justifiable, of course), yet your tone tells me that you are managing to cope with all the crap that's going on around you. I wish I could say the same, but I'll save all my rants and raves for another time.

Thanks for keeping the board updated,
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Peg -

My oldest brother died suddenly in a skiing accident in February. My neice, My oldest brother's oldest daughter, got married on June 4th (?)

It's been a really difficult time for me.... and everyone else I guess.

I thought I had posted it on here...I know I had posted some stuff on the Taking care of Parents board.

I had, had plans on moving out of the house and leaving my parents to fend for themselves, or fend on my other siblings, but after the oldest died, all my plans were hijacked.

I actually have 3 brothers and 1 sister. or had 3 brothers... >:/ I don't know. I'm the youngest and most responsible. (which is a scary thought in and of itself.)

hope that helps clear up some stuff...

Lady I, has to get back to beating off this nasty bug that her computer contracted sometime this past week.
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