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I'm sorry for chiming in late, but I think this is probably one of the subjects I know *really* well.

DH and I both play poker. He has chosen to try to play for a living for a while. Which, granted, isn't bringing in money at the moment. So please consider it hobby playing. The best hours to play are evenings and late night, particularly weekends.

I have two rules which I've done my best to drum into his head:
1) You will NOT be on the road between 1:30 am and 2:30 am. That's when the drunks are out. You either leave early enough to be home before that, or you park your behind until after 2:30. Play more poker, eat a sandwich, read a book, I don't care. But don't be on the road.
2) You will text me when you leave the casino. My text volume is off so it won't wake me, but when I do wake up in the middle of the night and you're not here I can quickly check to see whether or not this is a matter for concern. And this only works if I trust that you will text every time without fail.

So as you can see, things that I'm not really freaking out about are Gambling or Staying Out Late. Also, after living alone for years I find myself seriously deprived of peace and quiet and space. So it doesn't bother me at all to have the house to myself in the evening. In fact, I love it.

That said, I find myself absolutely pissed off at 10 am Saturday morning when he's still in bed.

So here's my analysis of what happens.

- As several others have said, I don't sleep well when he isn't home. I don't know if it's maternal instinct (despite my not being A mom, let alone HIS mom) or what, but my body knows when he isn't in bed. Even if he just got up to pee, there's some watchful part of my brain that knows how long it should take before I feel him get back into bed and I'll wake up if it doesn't happen. It doesn't matter that I didn't wake up when he got up, some part of me is paying attention. When he's not home at all, but I know he will be eventually, that watchful part of my brain is on high alert. I sleep very shallowly. So if nothing else, I'm sleep deprived the next morning even though I was the responsible one who went to bed on time. And I'm physically incapable of sleeping in even on weekends.

- So here we are the next morning and I'm short on sleep and irritable about it. And I can't really do anything because it will wake him up. And there he is, sleeping peacefully, not a care in the world. HE doesn't have a problem. HE is going to wake up when he's good and rested.

Then if you add in the uncertainty of when he'll be home, and the waking at 3 am in a panic because my mental alarm went off from the empty bed, and the fact that *everything* pisses you off more at that time of night, so now I'm not only awake but I'm too steamed to get back to sleep...

Summary: I stayed home, went to bed on time, and didn't sleep much or well, and can't do crap the next morning even if I had the energy or motivation. He went out, had a great time, and is going to wake up rested and cheerful. I'm perfectly aware that he didn't do it to upset me and that I'm being a bit irrational. That doesn't stop me from wanting to stand over him with a couple of pot lids and play the cymbols in his ear so he can be as sleep deprived and miserable as I am.

Daytime playing when I'm at work? Totally cool. Afternoon on a weekend when I can relax in my quiet home? Totally cool. Weeknight when I have to work the next day? Definitely annoying and problematic. Weekend night when my day off is also ruined? Hide the knives or he's going to sprout an extra smile under his chin.


Frydaze1
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