Skip to main content
Non-financial boards have been closed.

Non-financial boards have been closed but will continue to be accessible in read-only form. If you're disappointed, we understand. Thank you for being an active participant in this community. We have more community features in development that we look forward to sharing soon. | The Motley Fool Community
Message Font: Serif | Sans-Serif
No. of Recommendations: 14

On this special day, here's a few Irish jokes fer ya...

Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years,
but he will kill any man who does.
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's
very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among
themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an
Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"
"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.
Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them.
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and
announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the
vase on the mantle piece?"
"No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
Question - What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
Answer - A bachelor.
Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit
of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning.
I can't break her of it.
Keenan: What on earth is she doin'
at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home.
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said. "Send an
ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your
wife's appearance?
"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their
honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life
and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights
of theirs?
Father Guffy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners: "The drink has
killed millions--it rots their stomachs and they die in agony. Smoking has
killed millions--it coats your lungs and you die in agony. Overeating and
consorting with loose women have also killed millions..."
"Scuse me, Father," hollered Reagan from the back, "but what is it that
kills the people who live right?"
An' I hope ye be havin' a Happy
St. Paddy's Day!

Kathy : )
Print the post  


HURL Rules
Relax, laugh and Enjoy Foolishly
When Life Gives You Lemons
We all have had hardships and made poor decisions. The important thing is how we respond and grow. Read the story of a Fool who started from nothing, and looks to gain everything.
Contact Us
Contact Customer Service and other Fool departments here.
What was Your Dumbest Investment?
Share it with us -- and learn from others' stories of flubs.
Work for Fools?
Winner of the Washingtonian great places to work, and Glassdoor #1 Company to Work For 2015! Have access to all of TMF's online and email products for FREE, and be paid for your contributions to TMF! Click the link and start your Fool career.