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It's been almost a month and the husband has not been in contact with her. Where do jerks like this come from?

JBeauty said crzyindebt was struggling so I came over to read the thread. I fight depression a bit myself... the last time I quit posting on the boards for a month or so. I didn't know this board existed!

I have so much sympathy for your nanny and I totally appreciate this comment you made. It reminds me of a book I read awhile back and the author (Marianne) described a conversation she had with her therapist:

Marianne: Lots of women have trouble finding decent men.
Therapist: I hear that a lot. Do you know what we normally find when we look a bit closer?
Marianne: That all men are awful?
Therapist: That the women have contempt for men in general.

The author goes on to say that the phrase "contempt for men" echoed in her head for years afterwards. It has echoed in my head for months, years now, since I read that book. Do I have contempt for men? Probably. How many times do you have to get burned before you lump them all together? Once wasn't enough for me. By the time I was falling apart at the seams from my second serious relationship I had started to catch on that maybe it wasn't all their fault. The voice in my head says: "Holy crap, you mean I might have some responsibilty?! No way!" <sigh>

If they were jerks all the time we wouldn't be with them in the first place. They're just nice enough so you don't throw them out on their sorry butts way way sooner. That said, recognizing what I do and do not have control over has made a huge difference in my perception of this sort of thing. I do not have control over what they do or say. I do have control over my reaction to what they do and say. I can control my swooning reaction to their timed flattery and sweetness. I can smile, look them in the eye, and say "bullsh*t", "oh yeah? show me!", or "nice try buster" as the situation warrants.

Men are not evil - We all have the capability to be jerks. However, I am not at anyone's mercy. We have the right, and the responsiblity, to stand up and take care of ourselves first!

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