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A: Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Alligator.
B: Alligator who?
A: I'm sorry, I was talking to my nephew. It's Bill, your neighbor from downstairs.


Did you hear the one about the rabbi, the bishop, and the chicken? Occasionally they get together to discuss theology over dinner.


A: What is a ghost's favorite food?
B: I don't believe in ghosts.


A man walks into a bar with a gorgeous blonde on one arm, and carrying a sausage, a tennis racquet, and a box of Godiva chocolates. She is his wife. They were out running errands and became thirsty.


A: It was so hot in Burbank today!
B: How hot was it?
A: Well, only about 90. But it's not the heat -- it's the humidity.
B: I know what you mean.


A traveling salesman knocks on a farmer's door late one dark, rainy night. "I'm lost," the young man tells the farmer. "Would it be OK if I spent the night in your barn?"

"Sure," says the farmer, who proceeds to introduce his wife -- a still-attractive woman of about 30 with soft, reddish-brown hair, a voluptuous figure, and full, red lips -- and his twin daughters, 16, both dead-ringers for a current pop-music starlet.

"Nice to meet you all," said the salesman. "I really appreciate this." He goes out to the barn and sleeps deeply. In the morning the farmer shows him how to get back to the interstate.


A: How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
B: One or two.


Determined to play golf on the last Sunday of the season, a man lies to his wife and says he is sick and cannot go to church. After she leaves, he goes to the club, plays a quick round, and dashes home.

Unfortunately, his wife had come back for her pocketbook. He is caught red-handed. "It's not what you did that really bothers me," she said, upset. "It's that you lied." He is ashamed.


A: Your mama is so fat...
B: [Sighs.] It's glandular. We have high hopes for a new treatment being developed at Hopkins.


Best,

Dave
TMFBraden
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