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No. of Recommendations: 13
I think I just had a major breakthrough. My biggest issue - one that always ends up affecting my mood and causing me to beat up on myself - is that I let people take advantage of me. In the past, my friends have been extraordinarily flakey or down right inconsiderate, and frequently both, and I let them get away with it. "Oh, no problem. Whatever you need to do." I would say. It's no big deal that I arranged my whole weekend around your plans, or took off a day from work to help you do something, or however it was I bent over backwards to help someone. I let them do whatever they wanted in the name of friendship, and eventually whatever they wanted ended up being a friend they could walk all over.

I have gotten better. I gradually lost touch with my existing circle of friends - all within the same few months. It almost happened without my noticing it. It was a drifting apart when neither party would pick up the phone quite as often as before. One friend would appear when another was busy so I didn't notice the gap. Then one day, I realized I hadn't heard from any of them in 6 months or more. Where had they gone? I was not devestated like I could have been. This was my first clue that it was not an accident. The more I thought back about the recent encounters with each of my friends the more I understood how by finally owning my own power and growing and changing, I out grew my friends. They were content to muddle through, or in reality, continue down their spiral of self defeating behavior. Where as I, on the other hand, I started to go the other direction. We suddenly didn't have so much in common. Anyway, so I'd withered down my list to one good solid friendship, and family.

This one friend is the kind of person who can't keep track of time, is always late, forgets to check his phone for messages. It seems to be more prevelant in guys than gals, but you know what behavior I'm talking about. It's innocent, but appears quite differently when you're on the receiving end of countless moments when you can't get a hold of them or they keep you waiting. It's aggravating. Today this friend left me waiting for 6 hours. SIX HOURS. I left my evening open so that we could celebrate his dad's birthday. My fault! He said he would call when he figured out what his family was doing and let me know. I should have known better!

When I finally hear from him, I get a text message, not a phone call mind you, but a $@!* text message that he's been running around all day, had lunch with my sister's best friend and cleaned out his mom's basement. He had time for all this, but not time for a 2 minute phone call to let me know what was going on?!? Normally, I would let it go. It's not worth getting upset over because I can't change him and I know this. He just doesn't think about things the same way I do. It's that simple. I can't fault him for that - he is who he is, and I love him anyway.

Well for some reason, this time, I was livid. And not just a little upset, I mean foot stomping, spitting, red face, stuttering livid mad. It takes a lot to get me that upset. So I let him have it. No it's not always best to give in to anger, but it's healthy to pretend it doesn't exist either. We argued for awhile, then we reduced it to heated discussion, then simply talking. We both apologized.

Here's my breakthough. I said point blank, "I might not have any right to say this, but this time, you're going to have to make it up to me."

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE IT UP TO ME.

I can't believe I said that. I couldn't belive it at the time. Ms. Smurfette, say whatever you like cuz it's okay and I'll love you anyway, said "I accept your apology but that's not enough."

Here's to setting boundaries!!!!!!

Smurfette
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Good for you! I often find myself volunteering for things just because someone else wants to have the day or weekend or whatever off, and the girls have someplace to go.

Sometimes I would love to have someone else jump up and volunteer so I can have the time to do things I need to get done.

Sounds as though you're on your way to making *real* friendships. Congratulations on the breakthrough, and I hope you have a wonderful time when your friend makes up for his tardiness.

Ellie
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Sounds as though you're on your way to making *real* friendships. Congratulations on the breakthrough, and I hope you have a wonderful time when your friend makes up for his tardiness.

Thanks for the encouragement Ellie! Yes, he endured FLYLady decluttering and my freecycle obsession on Sunday afternoon. Not sure if he is in the clear or not yet, because he probably would have done that anyway. He's generally a good sport... just excessively tardy. ;-) We shall see.

Smurfette
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