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Subject:  Re: Difficulties with Intercourse Date:  8/1/2003  8:50 PM
Author:  Parkway Number:  901 of 2283

I think at this point you should work on yourself and view this as a spasmed muscle issue as opposed to anything deeply emotional, sexual, etc. Treat yourself as if you have a physical problem.

I think MrsDJB is right about seeing this as a physical issue rather than a deeply emotional, etc, issue -- as you've said, Megan, the two of you are happy and compatible, and other than the pregnancy thing you don't seem to have complaints about your sex life.

At the risk of being obvious, though, I thought I'd point out that there are a couple of different approaches to the getting-the-sperm-where-it-needs-to-be problem.

1. Address the issue of your discomfort with the assumption that DH will be able to ejaculate inside you if given the opportunity. Other people have suggested possible methods of doing this. One more so-obvious-you've-probably-already-tried-it suggestion is to use different positions for intercourse. I'm specifically thinking that the overstimulation issue might be minimized by positions that limit overall body contact. Also, since you say that arousal is, for you, in the mind, you can also try fantasizing about intercourse while you masturbate - try to build an association between sexual pleasure and penetration.

2. Address the issue of DH's non-responsiveness to stimulation other than vaginal intercourse. You don't have to go high-tech to get the sperm inside you once it's outside of him! I think bookgrrl is the only one who's talked about this, but I wanted to emphasize that this approach could be a winner even without considering IVF-type procedures. I'm not sure exactly how one would go about this, especially since you've described some reluctance around sexual experimentation (such as oral sex). But he might respond if the manual stimularion were supplemented with some sort of visual stimulation, or with some sensual textures, or?

I assume you're mostly looking for thoughts on the sex issues right now, but of course there are other options too -- go high-tech and either extract his sperm surgically or use donor sperm, or look into adoption, or....

It's hard to know what to say - I hope the suggestions aren't too silly. It sounds like you've assessed the issues pretty thoroughly and the strategies you've developed are working, so perhaps all these thoughts are irrelevant anyway. If you want to ignore them, that's fine -- we're still here to offer support, empathy, and good vibes whenever you need them!

- Parkway

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