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<<My frustration is that there is still $69 on the Sears bill and she doesn't
want to pay it down ASAP. In fact she let the bill lapse and was charged a
$20 late fee with $49 on it.

Can I say anything? I have but her response was that she has so much going
on right now, do we have to talk about it now.

Should I pay it off? No, this will lead to an argument about me not trusting
her to handle money. Besides, I have paid off her debts previously, and
think I have set a bad precedent by doing so.>>


First question, does your household run on the basis of "her money" and "his money", or is it "our money"? If its "our" of course you can say something because keeping opinions bottled up inside will just make things worse because it will eventually come out in anger. Try to approach the subject calmly WITH NO BLAMING. I'm sure that intellectually this issue is as important to your wife as it is to you, but old habits do die hard, so actually practicing your "foolishness" may take a little time.

In my family one person takes care of the finances. We find it easier because there is no guessing who is responsible for which bill, who balanced the check book last etc. We like to think that a couple is supposed to give 50/50 to the relationship, but that is rarely the case. Sometimes I can only give 20, and Brent knows that then he needs to pick up the slack, and sometimes we are both giving 150 at the same time! Thats when a marriage really glows. You mentioned your wife is busy. Maybe she's feeling overwhelmed right now and she would appreciate a non-judgemental hand from you. Heck, I've let cc bills sit too long on my desk and it is a stupid mistake. If my husband came into the office and saw a past due bill laying unopened he could do 2 things. 1: Respond with "honey, that bill needs paid now! You just threw $20 away on a late charge and it will show up on your credit report!" That may be the truth, but I'd probably kill him.
2. Respond with: " honey, you've been so busy with work and the kids, I noticed the paper tiger on your desk keeps growing. Do you want some help with it? Maybe I could help you catch up, or at least cook dinner and watch the kids so you can have some quiet office time." This is what I would want to hear.

Disclaimer: I feel funny giving someone personal advise but you kind of asked for it, and this is 100% a womans perspective.

Aloha, Karen

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