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Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

If you're still without a cell phone try holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned on high whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

Save all tinfoil, old aluminum, and newspapers in the event World War III starts, and the Boys Scouts ring your doorbell.

Boycott any pet cemetery that discriminates against black goldfish and/or Irish penguins
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