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No. of Recommendations: 11 dad gave his money to his grandkids... but he is not rich and I already worry about his situation...

This jumped out at me. It's all well and good to say it's his money, so he can do with it what he pleases, and if he comes up short in the end it's his problem. But as a practical matter, you're not going to let him live in a cardboard box.

So I'll give you a little info about my situation, which might be a sneak preview for you.

When my parents were in their 70's, I started visiting about every other week (just for lunch, no big deal) to keep an eye on things. Also visited as needed to take them to doctors' appointments, and visited when they were in the hospital and/or rehab. As the years progressed and after Mom died, I sorted the mail (junk vs bills), then wrote checks for the bills and Dad signed, then got POA and signed the checks myself, then moved most things to online. I couldn't stop him from sending money to several of my siblings, or picking up the tab whenever he & his friends went to a restaurant, or buying jewelry for his new girlfriend, or having inadvisable work done to his house, or watching pay-per-view on his TV, but at least I could keep track of what was going on. When I found he wasn't even filing taxes (he said his accountants were taking care of that, but when he stopped sending them the 1099's they stopped filing), I straightened that out. It was a slow, tricky process, because Dad didn't want to give up any control, even though he wasn't getting things done himself. So I had to always offer to "help with that," then "take care of that," never "do that for you."

Meanwhile, I used Dad's funds to hire housekeepers, then caregivers. Now Dad's in his 90's and in an Assisted Living place. I'm handling all his finances, and just sold his house to help pay for AL. I informed siblings that AL is expensive and Dad needs all his funds for that, so that shut off that spigot.

Eventually, if your dad needs AL and can't afford it, he'll have to live with you or your brother. If he needs a nursing home and can't afford it, he'll have to use Medicaid. Medicaid has a 5-year lookback, and takes a dim view of $15k gifts. My understanding is that any expense over $500 goes under the microscope, and can postpone eligibility.

My impression is you have a general sense, but not a comprehensive picture, of your dad's finances. My suggestion is that you become more involved in that, before a crisis hits. You won't be able to control everything, but your involvement has the potential to reduce the damage.

Good luck.
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