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My elderly parents unfortunately subsidized his youngest daughter & her sons to the point of their financial ruin. They are denied Medicaid at this time, d/t impact of Medicaid's 5 year look-back law. Dad too late, realizes the impact of indulging his daughter...but really doesn't want to sell the house that he built. Which is a better option: sell the house to cover Mom's nursing home expenses OR a reverse mortgage loan to help keep Dad in his home & still cover nursing home costs?

Where will your father live if he sells the house? Are there affordable senior apartments in his area? Is he open to living with a child--and are any of you open to housing him or could he cycle among you? How is his health and how old is he--is he on the verge of needing a nursing home, too?

Are there possible alternatives to a nursing home for your mother? Is there Granny day care in their town and is she a good candidate? Might your father take care of his wife at home with the assistance of a full or part-time aide and/or family members, community resources? For example, Meals on Wheels delivers a hot meal 5 days a week. If they live nearby, maybe your sister & her sons who received significant parental beneficence could do something significant in return like clean the house, do the shopping, bathe Mom.

When my maternal grandparents each turned about 88, they had aides come to their little apartment in NYC to get them bathed and dressed, fix a meal, clean--and watch soap operas with Nana. IIRC the city of NY paid for a part-time aide and my mother paid the rest. By the time they were 90/91, Nana & Gramps each moved to a nursing home and lived to age 93.
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