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Happy Holidays

1 cup water
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
2 cups of flour
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 cup chopped nuts
1 gallon wine

Sample the wine to check for quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the wine again to make sure that it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink.
Repeat if you're not sure.
Turn on the electric mixer and beat 1 cup of butter in a large bowl.
Add 1 tsp sugar and beat again.
Make sure the wine is still okay. Cry another tup.
Turn off the mixer.
Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the wine again to check for tonsisticity.
Next sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Who cares.
Check the wine.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add 1 tablespoon of sugar or flour or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake pan to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw one bowl out the window.

Check the wine again. Go to bed.
Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway????

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