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Nessie, sorry to hear what you are dealing with. My first recomendation would be to visit this board: Amazing source of knowledge and hand holding from people who have been through it already or are currently going through dealing with an aging parent.

Although my older brother does have power of attorney, he and my younger brother are reluctant to actually spend dollars from my father's accounts so we are splitting up each expense and paying ourselves.

Very bad idea, IMO. Expenses should be coming from Dad's accounts. If for some reason your dad runs out of money he could then be Medicaid eligible and you could supplement with additional income/luxuries up to a certain level. My recommendation would be to talk to an elder care attorney in your dad's state, because this all would have to be done in a state specific way. Again the link above would have people who could help guide you in that direction. You mention TX and CA but where does Dad live? That's what matters.

You are going in the right direction with the questions you are asking.

Best of luck and I wish you patience.

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