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On Friday, the doctor confirmed what I had suspected -- we're pregnant.

Tomorrow will be six weeks.

Such bizarre timing -- our beloved "who needs kids when we have Casey" dog of 11 years went missing two weeks ago and hasn't returned. I've been sick with worry and grief ever since. It's hard, at this point, to even think about being happy about anything -- even something we've been wanting as badly as this.

Anyway, I got one HcG blood test done on Friday and the levels are plenty high (48,000-ish). We'll have an ultrasound done this Friday to see if we see a heartbeat (is 6 1/2 weeks too early for that?). Hopefully now that the septum thing is out of the way, if those two things are good, we're golden.

In the meantime, I'm over here in the corner, quietly trying not to vomit, and to pretend to my family (who doesn't know about the pregnancy) that I'm just fine. It was an awful lot easier to keep this secret when we lived 300 miles away.

I feel a little guilty for my lack of joy, especially with you folks, who have been through so much more than I have in your quest. I'm just hopeful that maybe somebody's loved an animal enough to understand how much grief I still have left over from that, and not think I'm a selfish *itch who can't even be happy when I get what I want.

Oh, and can I recommend not changing doctors during this process if possible? I find that my new one is questioning some of the things my old one did/wanted to do, and it doesn't exactly give a warm "they know what they're doing" fuzzy.

This doctor thinks taking the supplemental progesterone (prescribed by the last doctor) is "risky", but told me I could continue it if I felt strongly about it. I discontinued it (because, really, who wants to do "risky" when they've already lost twice), but I'm sure going to be upset if I miscarry again, and it looks like it could be a low progesterone problem. (Oh, and she doesn't think the lab tests for progesterone level are particularly accurate, so just getting tests and acting accordingly is out.)

counting the minutes until the "morning" sickness stops
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