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Oh, heck with it. I'm going back to The Jester Board where I am also laughed at.

It's ok, Michael, come toward the light, that's right walk...toward...the...light.


If you're referring to that cheesy 20-watt bulb over the doorway at The Jester Board I ain't going. The light I really want to go to is that shining from Muffy's (The Jester Board's slut) eyes.

But since this is about cars, let's stay on subject: driver training. I learned to drive later than most. I was 25. I took a driver training course and one of my fellow students had a friend of a friend at Mospost race track in Ontario. Using this linkage I took the course which taught how to go around a corner fast, nothing else. Detuned cars. Stick shift. Lots of classroom stuff. Result? Going around a corner can be real fun and hairy.

At this course at Mosport two of my fellow classmates were officers in the Ontario Provincial Police. They said that their next was to take the OPP Pursuit Drivers course and they would try wiggle me in somehow. They snuck me in. So, for three days, I was Constable Michael Read and what they taught was how to change a lane fast. Fords. Automatics. Tight suspension. Three lanes and you drove down the center and had to flick into the left or right lane and not hit pylons. This was also fun but a lot more hairy.

One of the instructors said that I would benefit by taking the skid school run by a crazy Dutchman in Brampton, Ontario. This is a pad of polished concrete covered by a skin of water and the cars had bald tires and the instructor could lock one side of the car's brakes. You do a 360 in .5 seconds. Hairy is not an adequate description. It's not that it's fast but that it's faster than you can, in the beginning, comprehend. One second you're going this way and the next you're going in the same direction but there's been this revolution.

My point. I now drive a Yukon Denali. Lots of power (I bought it to trailer my boat) and there I am toodling along at about the speed limit, tucked in the right-hand lane, several car lengths behind the car in front and haven't ever had a ticket in 38 years of driving.

However, even though my wife says I drive too slowly, for some reason we always get to where we want sooner than others. And it isn't hairy.

MichaelR – Jester

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