Skip to main content
Message Font: Serif | Sans-Serif
 
No. of Recommendations: 4
This is too funny - I know its an oldie, and I sure hope no one is offended....



A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.





The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."





So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.. He proceeded to talk up a storm.





Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:







1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.



2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.



3) There are 12 disciples, not 10..



4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.



5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his @ss.



6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..



7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.



8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the $hit out of him..



9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.



10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'



11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,"Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say,"Eat me."



12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.



13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.



14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Print the post  

Announcements

HURL Rules
Relax, laugh and Enjoy Foolishly
When Life Gives You Lemons
We all have had hardships and made poor decisions. The important thing is how we respond and grow. Read the story of a Fool who started from nothing, and looks to gain everything.
Contact Us
Contact Customer Service and other Fool departments here.
What was Your Dumbest Investment?
Share it with us -- and learn from others' stories of flubs.
Work for Fools?
Winner of the Washingtonian great places to work, and Glassdoor #1 Company to Work For 2015! Have access to all of TMF's online and email products for FREE, and be paid for your contributions to TMF! Click the link and start your Fool career.