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A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd: "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers: "Sure. Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

Then the young man opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says: "You have exactly 1586 sheep."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep." says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the shepherd says to the young man: "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a consultant." says the shepherd. That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the shepherd. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know crap about my business... Now give me back my dog."
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LOL ... excellent!

is traveler
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A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie,...


I heard a similar joke except with a blonde instead of a yuppie consultant. But let's put that aside for a moment.

Dave, I want to know if you've been holding back on us about the vast amount of income to be earned in the surplus business. Just how is it you know about all those fancy labels - Broni, Gucci, Ray Ban, YSL, etc.?


ShelbyBoy (equipped with a Carhartt wardrobe)
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Dave, I want to know if you've been holding back on us about the vast amount of income to be earned in the surplus business. Just how is it you know about all those fancy labels - Broni, Gucci, Ray Ban, YSL, etc.?

I wouldn't know a Gucci from a Broni. But, thanks to President Bush's tax break I got me one a them thar Hummers!

I posted the tax break info somewhere upstream. Basically if you buy a vehicle (SUV, P/U, Hummer etc.) that weighs at least 6000 pounds AND use it at least 50% of the time for business it's a write off up to $100,000 and you can write it all off in the first year if you have the income to match it against.

The original bill was good till 2005, but there is a move in Congress to repeal it (them thar Senators think they know how to spend your money better than you do) so I wouldn't wait if I were you. Join your accountant at the SUV or Hummer store while the gettin's good!
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Basically if you buy a vehicle (SUV, P/U, Hummer etc.) that weighs at least 6000 pounds AND use it at least 50% of the time for business it's a write off up to $100,000 and you can write it all off in the first year if you have the income to match it against.


Yep, it was amusing to observer various news outlets reporting this as, "Business owners can buy a SUV and deduct the cost from their taxes."


ShelbyBoy
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<< Basically if you buy a vehicle (SUV, P/U, Hummer etc.) that weighs at least 6000 pounds AND use it at least 50% of the time for business it's a write off up to $100,000 and you can write it all off in the first year if you have the income to match it against.>>

Would this work for a Mini Cooper if I promised to load it up with heavy stuff or fat passengers? I know I'd use it more than 50% of the time for any and everything imaginable.

Vivienne

....I could go for a Mazda Miata at a push.

....or an MG TD

....or a Marcos




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Would this work for a Mini Cooper if I promised to load it up with heavy stuff or fat passengers? I know I'd use it more than 50% of the time for any and everything imaginable.

Vivienne

....I could go for a Mazda Miata at a push.

....or an MG TD

....or a Marcos


Are those cars? Over here in 'merica we drive mega macho metal! (thumps on chest & roars) Y'all gott'a get yourselfs some heavy metal (recovers from coughing fit) to drive!

No, sorry, it's got to say at least 6000 on the door sticker -- passengers don't count.

That's why accountants, doctors and other professionals are buying SUVs and why some car companies have reengineered their SUVs to get them up to three tons.

(what's a lorry?)
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