Skip to main content
No. of Recommendations: 37
Yo ratsters....

Hmmm...another not so nice day in the markets. Kinda painful to watch some of your cores get trimmed day after day. On the one hand, I am glad I unloaded some stocks that I thought were vulnerable (NT, BRCD, CSCO, etc.), but on the other hand, I kept companies that I didn't think would be vulnerable, and they haven't done much better since January 1. I grimace when I look at my portfolio now....this is really starting to hurt.

With that in mind, I thought it useful to keep a perspective of life and investing that includes some humor....life goes on, whether the market goes up or down. Yep...more fun when it goes up....no doubt about it....but just the same, the sun will come up tomorrow...so with that in mind, I thought I would pass these definitions on which came to me today, since they made me smile at its cleverness....so enjoy...caution...some of this contains adult humor...

Subject: Investment Terms

Stock Market Terminology Explained for the Investor of the past year:

Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.

Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999.

P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing.

Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell.

Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.

Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.

Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.

Microsoft - A condition temporarily remedied by Viagra.

Cisco - Side kick of Poncho.

Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $540 per share.

Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $540 per share.

Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.

Profit - Religious guy who talks to God.

Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.

Alan Greenspan - God.


Fool On.

OtterPater

Print the post  

Announcements

What was Your Dumbest Investment?
Share it with us -- and learn from others' stories of flubs.
When Life Gives You Lemons
We all have had hardships and made poor decisions. The important thing is how we respond and grow. Read the story of a Fool who started from nothing, and looks to gain everything.
Contact Us
Contact Customer Service and other Fool departments here.
Work for Fools?
Winner of the Washingtonian great places to work, and Glassdoor #1 Company to Work For 2015! Have access to all of TMF's online and email products for FREE, and be paid for your contributions to TMF! Click the link and start your Fool career.