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Extreme Weather in United States

Meteorologists reported today that the bizarre winter weather pattern in the United States seemed likely to continue.

“We've never seen anything like it,” said a spokesman for the National Weather Service. “Extreme cold in some areas, drought in others, levels of snow that haven't been seen for decades.”

The current blast of arctic air seems likely to head as far south as Arlington Virginia. “Washington D.C. is going to be iced over soon. Travel will be impossible. We are recommending that anyone living north of Arlington stay inside.”

The most peculiar information regarding the cold weather blast is that it appears to originate from White Rock Canada.

“It's as though all the bad weather imaginable is pent up there and is being directed by a malign intelligence,” said one Weather Channel employee. “We can't imagine why anyone would be angry with someone in Arlington - that would be Foolish indeed. Nor do we know how they
managed to control the weather. But the best speculation indicates it might have something to do with salmon fishing - perhaps a trophy or award. People keep hearing a kind of whisper in the wind (which reached 50 mph in Boston this morning) that sounds like, 'The Feste Award Third
Class with Palm Clusters.' What this means no one knows. And there's a kind of smell of salmon associated with it.”

The National Weather Service said that a fuller investigation was underway.
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