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Perhaps I'm just a freak, but in my universe there are so many options for culinary groove that requires little to none of those waxings.

OleDoc's Rules To Live By

1. When you're 20 years old, eat, drink, and be merry!

2. When you're 30 years old, stop eating so much junk food and fast food but, otherwise, drink and be merry!

3. When you're 40 years old, stop smoking, get off the drugs, enjoy the kids and drink and be merry!

4. When you're 50 years old, start doing Lipitor, watch your blood glucose levels, stop eating so much fatty stuff, lay off all those empty carbs, and start thinking about eating healthy for a change! Otherwise, drink and be merry!

5. When you're 60 years old, remember all those people who told you that you should get more exercise. Remember that you should have been monitoring your blood pressure and glucose levels. Screw it! Take your beta blockers, ACE inhibitors, and GlucoStat and just shut up! Oops! Now your Doc is getting on you about your alcohol consumption. Oh, well, drink less and try to be merry!

6. When you're 70 years old, tell your Doc you're gettin' freakin' tired of taking all those meds and trying to remember when to take them. Stop taking Lipitor - if you're 70+ years old, it ain't gonna help you live much longer! Stop drinking beer but replace it with red wine - it works faster and you don't have to pee as much. Try to remember how to feel merry!

7. When you're 80 years old, tell your Doc he's a freakin' idiot! Stop taking all of those meds except the ones YOU think are working and make you feel better! Start smoking really good cigars and pair them with some nice wine. Eat anything you want. Try to remember what it was like to feel Mary!

8. When you're 90 years old, don't bother renewing your Driver's License - they'll probably just give you a bunch of crap anyway! Don't go to the doctor visits, they are a waste of time at this point. Disinherit all of your children and refuse to go to a nursing home. Leave all of your assets to me and tell Mary that you don't want to feel her anymore!

9. When you're 100 years old, there are no rules or guidelines. You're on your own!

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