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After what happened last night, one might reasonably anticipate a press release sounding something like this very shortly:

US Attorney Eric Holder, Wash. D.C.: "I am pleased to announce that the government is issuing its first indictment of a CEO of a Too-Big-to-Fail Bank for fraud and conspiracy that contributed to the Subprime Crisis and the near collapse of the financial system...

In addition, Mitt Romney is being indicted for tax evasion and also is being investigated on suspicion of secret phone calls to Cayman Island and Swiss banks that the Treasury is investigating for suspected violations of the Patriot Act or money laundering or for accepting deposits from Mitt Romney...

These indictments are unrelated and are not politically motivated, despite the fact that the indicted bank CEO was a major contributor to Romney's election bid.

In the spirit of equal justice and fair play, my Justice Department is investigating other Wall Street Banks to see if they committed similar crimes. In addition, Romney is not yet being arrested or indefinitely detained without a hearing under the Patriot Act, but actually will be permitted to continue his campaign until after the next presidential debate. At that time, the Justice Department Prosecutor will determine whether Mr. Romney poses a flight risk.

In an unrelated case, Mr. Romney's debate coach has been detained at Guantanamo upon suspicion of aiding enemies of the government."

I would like to thank the fine men and women of my staff for all their hard work in uncovering the facts that led to these actions.

Questions regarding this press release should be directed to David Axelrod or David Plouffe.


P.S. Onion, are you listening?


Edited cross-post from PA board:
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