Message Font: Serif | Sans-Serif
 
No. of Recommendations: 0
I commented in another board about how much we love peace and quiet, living in our own place, and appreciating the lower costs. I know many people agree, but many others prefer the "community" setup.

What do others here think? Are you retired in your own place or have you opted to sell and move to one of the communal settings?

Why have you chosen either way?

I'd like to see discussion here.

Vermonter
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
Vermonter in my experience there is a huge difference in community type and the term retirement community is almost as vague as the food adjective "organic". Can you give us more details on the type(s) of settings you are considering?

Examples - we just moved to a 55+ active adult community -- way different than another retirement community in the same city which could be described as a "Pre-Assisted Living" location. And yet another variable are the graduated care (independent, assisted, skilled nursing) options.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
Retirement communities are full of old people. When I'm ready to "throw in the towel" my home will be a casket.


🆁🅶🅱
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
We have retired in our own place.

"Why have you chosen either way?"

Procrastination.

Howie52
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 4
GWPotter: Vermonter in my experience there is a huge difference in community type and the term retirement community is almost as vague as the food adjective "organic". Can you give us more details on the type(s) of settings you are considering?


Yes, the term "Retirement Community" is not well defined. We were considering a 55+ condominium called "New Horizons" in Torrance. Consists of apartments and the usual amenities associated with any condominium. Totally independent living, but with a community of other seniors. Seems reasonable to live in such an arrangement in that you are living with your peers, and there are many social opportunities. A 9-hole golf course, and other recreational facilities are available. No built-in health care, indeed, it's "just" a condominium with a 55+ restriction. If you get sick, you're on your own. The Del Webb types of community are like this in a a way.

Of late we have been leaning toward a "CCRC" - Continuing Care Retirement Community. This term has a legal definition, at least in California. The CCRC is not owned by the residents. The CCRC provides housing and some meals, at least. The initial phase is for independent living. Just like any other 55+ residential arrangement. The difference is that one can get assistance in various ways when needed. "Assisted Living" is a vague term which is often used. "Assistance" can be as little as being sure you have taken your medications, but can increase to such things as help with dressing, bathing, etc, things associated with the term "assisted living". The assistance can be provided in your regular apartment or sometimes in a separate part of the facility.

But, sometimes old age deals us a bad hand. A CCRC can (must) also provide memory care. People get dementia or even Alzheimer's. At a CCRC, this usually means moving to a separate part of the facility, more often than not in a locked facility, Alz sufferers tend to want to "go home" except they don't know where home is and they wander off in search for that home. If you have known someone with Alz you will understand the need for care.

The highest level of care is a nursing care arrangement. People become bed bound or severely crippled. My father broke his hip in a fall (at home) and, although he got an artificial hip, he never learned to use it and was wheel chair bound. This is the sad part of old age and the Two-beds-in-a-room type of nursing care we all dread. This part is the expensive part of a CCRC. They (normally) try to give you something as close to "normal" living as possible.

So, a CCRC provides four levels of living in old age. This is what the Countess and I are considering. They are expensive. There is typically a large "buy-in" up front, then a monthly fee sorta like rent, but it includes some meals and some house keeping and maintenance of your apartment. Linens and so forth. My sister is familiar with the "Presbyterian Manor" in her town in Texas, which has no move-in fee, but here is sunny California, we expect to shell out big time.

I am sure you all know horror stories of people growing old in their house and not able to care for it (or to care for themselves). One day they die and nobody knows until they are found a month later. I don't want that for myself or for the Countess. We are both reclusive, shy people, and if our mental facilities decline, we could be in that category. No Thanks!

CNC
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
Howie52: We have retired in our own place.

"Why have you chosen either way?"


Because we get old. Sometimes frail, and sometimes senile. Such people should not just live "In our own place".

The Countess ran a small business - Drapery, blinds, etc - window treatments. She graciously allowed me to help, and I did a lot of her installations and repairs. The repairs part exposed me to houses, often very expensive houses, with a lonely older woman living alone with a "housekeeper" and sometimes a nurse. This exposure convinced me that this is something I want to avoid, for myself or for the Countess. It is not a happy way to live out your final days.

Yes, you will never be like that, will you? I hope not.

CNC
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 2
"Howie52: We have retired in our own place.

"Why have you chosen either way?"

Because we get old. Sometimes frail, and sometimes senile. Such people should not just live "In our own place".

The Countess ran a small business - Drapery, blinds, etc - window treatments. She graciously allowed me to help, and I did a lot of her installations and repairs. The repairs part exposed me to houses, often very expensive houses, with a lonely older woman living alone with a "housekeeper" and sometimes a nurse. This exposure convinced me that this is something I want to avoid, for myself or for the Countess. It is not a happy way to live out your final days.

Yes, you will never be like that, will you? I hope not.

CNC "

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Why assume that a decision once made cannot be revisited?

Humans adapt - it is the thing that has caused humans to be successful.

Change happens - and when change happens, other things can change.

Howie52
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
<<The repairs part exposed me to houses, often very expensive houses, with a lonely older woman living alone with a "housekeeper" and sometimes a nurse. This exposure convinced me that this is something I want to avoid, for myself or for the Countess. It is not a happy way to live out your final days.>>


Yes, I think it's easy to become trapped in your home ----and dinner for your dog or cat....


Seattle Pioneer
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
Why assume that a decision once made cannot be revisited?

Humans adapt - it is the thing that has caused humans to be successful.

Change happens - and when change happens, other things can change.

Howie52


Certainly true. But the CCRC we want has a three year waiting list. I wonder, if they're so expensive, how can (they all) have a multi-year waiting list.

CNC
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
Yes, I think it's easy to become trapped in your home ----and dinner for your dog or cat....


Seattle Pioneer


The Countess is some years younger than I am, and I half jokingly tell her she will wind up dying in her home and the cats will eat her. So we better find a CCRC.

CNC
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
"But the CCRC we want has a three year waiting list. I wonder, if they're so expensive, how can (they all) have a multi-year waiting list.

CNC"

***********************************************

Might be a Baby Boomer kind of thing - demand will likely shift as more
are built and available - then the market will fall out - and then stabilize.

Howie52
Course, if the Zombie attacks start, fenced communities may become the cat's meow.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
Vermonter,

I work (10 hr/wk) at an independent retirement community - driving the activity bus. As others have mentioned, there are lots of ideas regarding what "independent" means. However, at a base level, it means there are NO nurses on staff which is what you get when you go to assisted living or memory care.

The average age at my community is 87 (67 - 102). Some are quite active and others are one step away from assisted living, memory care, or nursing home. Many need more care than we offer, but they either can't afford it or they are in denial (I think the later is predominant).

My Mom and Dad were considering a CCRC. They even encouraged us to make that move in our 60s while we are still able to manage a move. Then, Mom's health declined rapidly and died less than 12 months later. Dad was lost without her and could not bear to leave the house they shared. He took his own life about 6 months later.

For my wife and I, we'll stay in the house as long as it makes sense. As others have mentioned, being a shut-in is not good, so we might decide to move for purely socializing reasons once we slow down. Another reason to move is to sell the house and make probate much easier - we have no kids nor close relatives who will want the hassle of estate settling.

I suggest visiting several properties and talk with the residents. The ones who do welll in these places are the ones who accept the move as a new chapter in their life rather than the final chapter.

good Luck.

Windrath
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
<<My Mom and Dad were considering a CCRC. They even encouraged us to make that move in our 60s while we are still able to manage a move. Then, Mom's health declined rapidly and died less than 12 months later. Dad was lost without her and could not bear to leave the house they shared. He took his own life about 6 months later.>>


Good advice, I suspect. Better to move before you need to, which means you CAN move.


If you wait until you need to move, you might well be stuck.


Seattle Pioneer
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 2
My Uncle stayed in house till he was 90. Wife had died a few years before. He was still driving and got to the senior center and rec center. was never the 'social type'.....

Sold house at 90.

Moved to CCCR type place. Lived in 1 1/2 room apartment. Small living room/kitchenette...and separate bedroom/bath. Liked it.......


Sold car after 1 1/2 years as didn't need it. Place had shuttles to shopping and doc appts.

after 4 years, he had health issues and moved to more intensive care...lasted 4 months there. Died at 94.

Got 2 meals a day in the cafeteria......

probably more women than men there.

He'd swim 1/4 mile in the pool ........

t.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
None of my parents had nor needed CCCR place but mom at 82 was getting there. She nodded off frequently and had problems driving with bad arthritis..... however, she fell, broke second hip and that was it.....everything went wrong.

Dad died of botched heart bypass operation at 75. Died six weeks after having massive heart attack as they brought him back after operation - and that killed 2/3rds his heart.....spent the last six weeks in/out of hospital.

----

Grandfather on mom's side was institutionalized at 80 with alzheimers. Lasted 2 years.

Grandfather's brother made it to 90 something in good health.

Grandma died at 84

- ----

On dad's side, grandfather died of throat cancer at 70 something. Big pipe smoker. DId him in. Died at home.

Grandma made it to 75 or so. Had lots of help with kids living 200-300 feet away......lived at home her entire life.

----

Most of my relatives didn't live long enough to need nursing home. Most of males dead before 80.

t.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
windrath:

Thanks for sharing. I am sorry about the losses you describe.

However, we will NOT leave our beloved home willingly -- even if only one remains. We love this home and are not interested in "community".

Vermonter
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 10
I’ve been blessed to have friends and neighbors who have had to deal with the consequences of aging and poor health for themselves or ailing spouses. From what I gather from them is that life is a series of phases to enter: early stage of either singleness or marriage with an apt./small home, then increase the size of the home for those with children, then downsize to a smaller home, then a maintenance free place, and either stay there for the rest of their lives and make modifications to the place such as handrails, wider door frames, walk in shower and higher toilet with rails or enter a continuing care facility.

CCF’s are very appealing in that I can age in place and will enter assisted living, medical and or Alzheimer’s unit when needed.

CCF’s can be very closed communities, with people staying in their rooms and not very active to those with a younger set with all sorts of activities and trips to keep them mentally and socially engaged.

I have witnessed those who remain in their homes to become socially isolated and too often, their health deterioates because of cognitive decline, nobody to give them clues that their mental faculties are slipping, they forget to eat, to drink water, to take their medicine....and then that starts the rounds of going to the hospital and procedures and that starts the trip downward to a nursing home. It’s not pretty and it’s a very sad situation.

So, for me, I’ve been living in this house all my house, I’m single, I certainly don’t need this large house with a very large yard to take care. It is my home, I’m comfortable here, and know the area well. I have my privacy which is important to me. However, I do know, I’m not getting any younger and I won’t be able to keep up physically with the care of the home or property. I do farm out some of the heavy duty pruning of tall shrubs and trees on the property now. I have had maids in the past. I find it a pain in the neck to find good, reliable help who have a good work ethic.

I think my next step for now is to downsize to a smaller home and yard. Half the size of what I have now would do and then I think I would move to a CCF. The trick is to move to a CCF before I need it and to settle in to the community and make friends so when I do go through the phase of worsening health and mental decline, I’ll have at least a few people there to visit me.

We’re not all going to keep our marbles until the day we die and for those folks who are single, it’s important to consider our futures. I know for myself, socializing is important for my mental health...it’s those friendships that keep us going, mentally and physically and gives a sense of purpose....and it also provides a mirror of what not to do as we age.

Lucky Dog
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
Windrath:

"Another reason to move is to sell the house and make probate much easier - we have no kids nor close relatives who will want the hassle of estate settling. "

We are in the midst of setting up a trust, and I urge others to look into that as well. With a trust, there is no probate, no money going all over the place to attorneys, no extra court costs, etc.

A dear friend's parent had a trust and the friend was co-trustee. It was truly simple when the person passed. A visit to the bank with a knowledgeable bank officer and all necessary papers and it was done. The co-trustee received everything due and could then do what was needed for others, per the parent's stated wishes. (In fairness, there was no real estate left -- just money and other liquid assets.)

It is more complicated than a will, of course, and may cost more, too, but it is a blessing in avoiding probate and other extra haggling or whatever.

Vermonter
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
However, we will NOT leave our beloved home willingly -- even if only one remains. We love this home and are not interested in "community".

Vermonter


I hope you both retain good health and mental faculties to the end. Not everyone can enjoy those. My dad's senility and my mother's frail health illustrated to me the value of living in a community rather than going it alone in old age.

CNC
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
Luicky Dog: CCF’s can be very closed communities, with people staying in their rooms and not very active to those with a younger set with all sorts of activities and trips to keep them mentally and socially engaged.

We visited a facility in Santa Barbara last month. It's a relatively new facility with gorgeous Spanish style buildings and gardens. It's not a CCRC because it lacks a nursing care facility, but they assured us that they have an arrangement with a local nursing care company which will come to them on an as needed basis. This one has the usual apartments for residents, including the assisted living facility. We didn't see the memory care part.

It also has "casitas" - separate cabins away from the apartments. We met a man as we wandered the halls who was very coudial and introduced himself, and mentioned that he lived in one of the casitas. He then went on to say that most of the casita dwellers just spent all their time in their casita, except to sometimes come to the main cafeterias for some of the meals. To me, that is a deal breaker. I don't like the idea of a separate "class" or a group who only appears for meals.

Lucky: We’re not all going to keep our marbles until the day we die and for those folks who are single, it’s important to consider our futures. I know for myself, socializing is important for my mental health...it’s those friendships that keep us going, mentally and physically and gives a sense of purpose....and it also provides a mirror of what not to do as we age.

Bingo! If we wait until we "need" the CCRC, it's already too late, especially with the long waits for move-in. For myself, I hope to integrate with the community, even form friendships. In other words, become part of a community while my marble bag is mostly full. Maybe even enjoy some bridge games, chess games, even poker games before I have to move to assisted living. I wanna teach some to play that great Texas domino game called "42". (Ever heard of it?) Of course, we all hope to never need the assisted part, but nature is in charge, not us.

CNC
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 6
I think I have posted enough about how happy we are in our CCRC...best thing we have done for ourselves in years.

We had good advice from a sales person in another facility we were looking at, who said,
"I feel sad for the people who move because they have to...bad health etc. They are too frail to enjoy all the facilities and social activities available and make friends. It is better to move while you are young enough to see it as a new and interesting stage of your life"

My husband took that to heart. Now, altho he is still working we are doing a lot of fun things,concerts, Scrabble, opera, water aerobics...you name it, above all meeting nice people, and we know that if one of us dies, the other will be surrounded by friends we have made, care, comfort, a home that is loved, and very few worries for our children.

Maryanne
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
I think I have already posted too much about how happy we are in our CCRC...best thing we have done for ourselves in years.

We had good advice from a sales person in another facility we were looking at, who said,
"I feel sad for the people who move because they have to...bad health etc. They are too frail to enjoy all the facilities and social activities available and make friends. It is better to move while you are young enough to see it as a new and interesting stage of your life"

My husband took that to heart. Now, altho' he is still working we are doing a lot of fun things, gardening, concerts, Scrabble, opera, water aerobics...you name it, above all meeting nice people, and we know that if one of us dies, the other will be surrounded by friends we have made, care, comfort, a home that is loved, and very few worries for our children.

Maryanne
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
" think my next step for now is to downsize to a smaller home and yard. Half the size of what I have now would do and then I think I would move to a CCF. The trick is to move to a CCF before I need it and to settle in to the community and make friends so when I do go through the phase of worsening health and mental decline, I’ll have at least a few people there to visit me.

We’re not all going to keep our marbles until the day we die and for those folks who are single, it’s important to consider our futures. I know for myself, socializing is important for my mental health...it’s those friendships that keep us going, mentally and physically and gives a sense of purpose....and it also provides a mirror of what not to do as we age.

Lucky Dog"

******************************************************

regardless of where you live, you still remain the basic person you are. So
if you get out and about you will still tend to get out - if you keep an interest
in other people you will still find a way to interact and get around folks.

Howie52
Known to talk regardless of people listening - which frightens passers-by to no end.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
<<My husband took that to heart. Now, altho he is still working we are doing a lot of fun things,concerts, Scrabble, opera, water aerobics...you name it, above all meeting nice people, and we know that if one of us dies, the other will be surrounded by friends we have made, care, comfort, a home that is loved, and very few worries for our children.

Maryanne>>


Yes, but another reality that your sales rep didn't mention is that your list of friends will be constantly and pretty rapidly thinned out by death, disability and illness. Seeing that happen all around you is one of the downers of that life.



Seattle Pioneer
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 2
SP:"
Yes, but another reality that your sales rep didn't mention is that your list of friends will be constantly and pretty rapidly thinned out by death, disability and illness. Seeing that happen all around you is one of the downers of that life"

My parents spent the winters down in Briny Breezes FL....which was the smallest municipality in FL..... consisting of 'manufactured homes' on tiny lots. You paid a hefty annual fee but that included. You could also rent a dock space and those not taken by park folks were rented out to others.

1) Lot maintenence - my parents had 50x30 feet - cut the grass, trimmed the bushes that grew quickly in FL weather

2) Heated swimming pool....good size. Mens and womens aerobics and other programs.

3) Wood shop for the guys

4) Boating and fishing club (most of the folks neither boated or fished - or only did a few times a year) - garden club, travel club. Square dance and formal dance clubs. Book club. Just about every club you can think of..oh, golf club - they played nearby.

5) THey'd put together excursions, close and further away - for those interested. Rented bus to take them there. (you paid extra for that, naturally) ......

6) Mail room for receiving mail/packages/and forwarding it.....

7) Library

8) Shuffle board courts, tennis courts

9) Laundromat. Cable TV provided. Didn't want outside antennas due to hurricane potential..

10) Shower room each row or two

11) Auditorium - maybe seated 300 - they'd put on a play or two or three a year....big deal out of xmas....

12) Ocean house (on the ocean) for get togethers. YOu could rent it for occasions like anniversaries, etc

Maybe 800 people total.. No kids other than holiday time, or for a week max otherwise.

----

As SP noted....each year a few residents didn't make it back - either health concerns or otherwise.

On my parents row, it turned more and more to just single women. Mom was there for 8 years by herself, kept busy but it was getting to be a challenge at the end. She'd drive the car 1000 feet to the mail room to get the mail. It was 2000 feet to the ocean. You had to be 55 to buy into the place and there was screening of applicants. Sold the place for $42,000 in 2000 or so. You actually owned 'shares' in the corporation that owned the place. Parents had an 800 sq foot manufactured home - 2 bedrooms, small kitchen, living room. Even had small ham radio vertical off the back side.

TX doesn't have that bad winters and I didn't fit in...mom died when I was 53, could have likely kept the place till I was '55' and applied to take it over.....but most of folks on the row were 70s and 80s....... my parents generation still. I really wasn't into socializing.

Now, if I lived up in VT or NH, I'd sure have kept the place..sooner or later those units turn over and more folks my age would move in.

t.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 3
"your list of friends will be constantly and pretty rapidly thinned out by death, disability and illness. Seeing that happen all around you is one of the downers of that life." SP

Au contraire..

In your neighborhood/home, gradually as all friends of your generation die, you get lonelier and lonelier and more isolated...no longer casual phone calls or coffee with those friends..every new contact becomes too much of an effort. Your world gets smaller.

In our environment here ,the focus is on LIFE, at whatever pace you wish to enjoy it...quietly by yourself in privacy, or with an activity or hobby with someone else. Your choice.

Here when someone dies, there is a nice place for the family to put a photo, a biography, and usually a warm invitation to attend the funeral service, or a "celebration of life" and party. We're there to support the spouse who is left. Our place will also provide a bus to take us to a funeral service in a distant church etc

Seeing each other within the building, we have contact so easily. I can sit down with my friend Barbara for a casual dinner downstairs and talk at length about her husband Bill, who died 3 weeks ago, because we both loved him. That also keeps him "alive" for both of us. No fuss, no effort...just talking together over a meal

Moreover, if someone dies, someone new moves into the apartment. Then new ideas, and new contacts can continue to grow.

Maybe where we are living is just a newer idea of a retirement place...not a "nursing home" by itself. Some people keep going in an amazing way. Peg is 97, wallops people at the Bridge table, rules at Scrabble, and as a veteran of WW11 can hold her own in any discussion of world events....

I'm posting too much. I must be getting old and rambling....
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 2
"I'm posting too much. I must be getting old and rambling.... "

********************************************************

My goodness!
Wrong on three points in a row!

Howie52
call Guinness.
Must be some kind of record.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
Telephone: TX doesn't have that bad winters

You obviously don't live in Amarillo.

CNC
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
CNC:"You obviously don't live in Amarillo."

Yeah, panhandle not fun. Freezing rain this weekend. Been there at 110 deg and in winter with snow. Blizzards out in panhandle. tornado alley, too!

Dallas ain't too bad and Houston barely has winter. It snowed there for first time in 80 years last year.....got six inches or so.......

Our snow total is typically six inches in Dallas and if you don't wake up by 10am it is usually all gone.....the inch or two that fell.

We get six weeks of winter - I tell folks. We just don't know what weeks will be winter and not winter.

Colder next week...highs in 40s....starting this Friday with 2-4 inches of rain expected.


t.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 2
We lived in an active-adult 55 and older community for 3+ years before escaping.

It really was alluring. A new development. Nice, new home, three pools, two golf courses, lots of activities, lots of security in gated community. But what didn't show at first (you don't get the book of rules until you've signed on):

--Gestapo rules--example: keep garage door closed even when mowing lawn (see 4-inch ringed binder of rules)

--SS neighbors who walked around looking for minor infractions to report (see above). . . unless it involved grandchildren (We got a visit from security because a neighbor walking by on the sidewalk reported our dog barked--from inside our house in the middle of the afternoon in the summer. With the windows closed and the air conditioning on.)

--Young children driving golf carts on sidewalks and tearing through yards, staying for weeks at a time even though guests weren't supposed to stay for more than 10 days. Three pools with children supposedly allowed in only one. Rules totally ignored for them.

--Incredibly cliquish --Mean Old Girls (and Old Boys) on steroids. We weren't terribly social, so didn't care all that much, but the weird rules and the noise, particularly in the summer to the point we couldn't enjoy our screened porch, contributed to our decision to get the hell out of Dodge.

Could go on, but those are the highlights.

Chili
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 4
I have been a widow now for 3 years. Still in the small downsized house we built together in 2013. My age is 74.

We have a new facility that is opening this month in Fayetteville AR and I have gone through it. It is not a continuing care type facility it is a wonderful apartment with many amenities that could actually allow someone to never have to leave.....Cost for 2 bd 2 ba is $4900/mo. In adding up my monthly costs to stay in this house, the cost is about $500/mo.

I still drive my new Cadillac XT5, volunteer at the local VA medical center 2 days per week. Sing in the adult choir at church, travel with or without someone with me. I think nothing of driving 400mi to my son and DIL who live in Lincoln, Ne. Stay in hotels alone (yep, my Glock 43 is with me). I have no family members here in Arkansas.

I will continue all this until it becomes obvious that I need some additional help and I will take advantage of some home health care. I can pay for for quite a bit of home help rather than pay that $4900/mo.

My house is paid for as is my car, and due to the generous state of Arkansas I pay no real estate taxes or personal property taxes....this is due to the VA disability level of my DH before he died.

IMHO, it comes down to what we are comfortable with and how much retirement funds we have at our disposal. For me, I'm here....my life goes on.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
Ouch Chili....glad you got away from that environment! Sounds awful! (A bit like one place we saw "jackets for dinner in the dining room"!!!!)
Hope all is well with you both health wise and that you are enjoying life.
M.A
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 4
My husband took that to heart. Now, altho he is still working we are doing a lot of fun things,concerts, Scrabble, opera, water aerobics...you name it, above all meeting nice people, and we know that if one of us dies, the other will be surrounded by friends we have made, care, comfort, a home that is loved, and very few worries for our children.

Maryanne


Sorry this is so long -- I don't have time to write a shorter one.

About my aunt (my father's older sister): She taught English at a mid-western university (w/ v. cold winters) and when it came time to retire (somewhere around age 65) she moved to a southern city with a university (concerts, seminars, lots of cultural amenities). My aunt had a friend (also a retired prof of English) who had moved to this town and so looked forward to having a friend to "show her the ropes." Within a year the friend suddenly died. My aunt within a relatively short time moved into a "place" (I don't know what to call it) and I know nothing about costs.
Anyway my aunt eventually (15-20 years later) went from independent living to assisted living. About 10 years later she went into the nursing home section.

I was told by another aunt that aunt #1 was running out of money at age 95-ish. Aunt #1 died at about 97 and left enough money for each of 7 neices/nephews to get ~$8K. Perfect - she came very close to spending her last dollar on the last day of life.

Aunt #2 (about 15 years younger than #1) always felt that she waited too long to go into a similar place and by the time she died at age 103 (honest!) she was in a nursing home praying to see her God and her sister.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
malaoshi: (A bit like one place we saw "jackets for dinner in the dining room"!!!!)

We saw one in Santa Barbara with that requirement. Same one? Not my cup of coffee either.

CNC
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
Chili:

I rest my case.

We love our freedom and our peace and quiet. If we want friends over, great. Or neighbors (all several hundred yards away), fine. Heck, we could run around naked on the lawn -- or do more -- if we chose! Or have friends over and all do that! (No, we never have, but we could -- and that's the point.)

Traffic is all but nil, especially at night. Just the breezes in the trees, if the windows are open.

Activities? Heck there are plenty in or around the town, if we want them, but we usually don't, so...

Yes, if folks LIKE all that "everybody into the pool" stuff, great. But if you don't, why not do what YOU like and ignore all the "oughtta" folks?

Glad you escaped.

Peace.

Vermonter
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
CNC:"We saw one in Santa Barbara with that requirement. Same one? Not my cup of coffee either."

The 'country club set' likes that......as do the yachting and cruise taking folks....


t.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
My parents place in Briny Breezes was low key, but you had to make your own food. no dining facilities but many went out for 'early bird' specials...and took leftovers home......

Up in NY, my mom had the Swan delivery service.....frozen stuff delivered to the door - weekly. Here you can do that too......and all the stores have zillions of ready to eat - well , heat and eat stuff.......

I could never want to live in a dress up for dinner place...yuck.....elitists.........old school country club stuff.....probably drive around in their Bentleys...

Some like it though.... so let 'em have it....keeps the economy going!


t.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
If I remember right...in the movie Dirty Dancing - most of the folks were dressed up for dinner....... jackets......dresses.....

t.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
If I remember right...in the movie Dirty Dancing - most of the folks were dressed up for dinner....... jackets......dresses.....

t.


Wasn't that movie set in "The Hamptons" I have heard about? (Whatever that is.)

CNC
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
<<--Gestapo rules--example: keep garage door closed even when mowing lawn (see 4-inch ringed binder of rules)

--SS neighbors who walked around looking for minor infractions to report (see above). . . unless it involved grandchildren (We got a visit from security because a neighbor walking by on the sidewalk reported our dog barked--from inside our house in the middle of the afternoon in the summer. With the windows closed and the air conditioning on.)

--Young children driving golf carts on sidewalks and tearing through yards, staying for weeks at a time even though guests weren't supposed to stay for more than 10 days. Three pools with children supposedly allowed in only one. Rules totally ignored for them.>>


So your complaint is that the rules weren't enforced? Did you file complaints on these rule violations?


Seattle Pioneer
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 2
<<My parents place in Briny Breezes was low key, but you had to make your own food. no dining facilities but many went out for 'early bird' specials...and took leftovers home......
>>


Heh, heh! Sounds like Seinfeld's parents!

Remember politics at Del Boca Vista retirement condos?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SXBZfzc1Dc


Seattle Pioneer
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
<<If I remember right...in the movie Dirty Dancing - most of the folks were dressed up for dinner....... jackets......dresses.....

t.>>


No bathrobes at dinner....



Seattle Pioneer
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
If I remember right...in the movie Dirty Dancing - most of the folks were dressed up for dinner....... jackets......dresses.....

t.

Wasn't that movie set in "The Hamptons" I have heard about? (Whatever that is.)

CNC


Catskills
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 3
"Wasn't that movie set in "The Hamptons" I have heard about? "

No...Catskill Mtns of NY.

Back in the 1920s to 1960s era, tens of thousands of NYC area folks would migrate north for a month or two summer vacation. Before air conditioning.

It actually went back further than that....to the 1870s and 1880s.......try living in NYC in the summer time with horse poop from 100,000 horse drawn carts daily pooping up the streets. Even though there were 10,000 people cleaning the horse poop off the streets at night, they stunk to high heaven. Plus, folks tossed garbage out their rear tenement windows and there were rats and disease all over the city, worst in the hot summers.

So anyone who could would flee for the summer. Folks took the train north, and then places like Lake George took steamers up the lake to the various summer resorts along the shore. That's why places still have names like Bolton Landing...where the ferry stopped. Where my parents had a house at Lake George, it originally was a large summer hotel for several hundred people with a big steamer dock. Folks would come for weeks/months, the summer. 1880s. It burned down twice...and the property was later sold for individual houses. 1920s...when roads were finally put in along the lake shore and folks had cars.

All over the Catskills, you had 'resorts' like the one in Dirty Dancing. People would come for a month/summer. Many had name entertainment as well as an atrraction, or nearby once the car arrived. They did well up to the 1950s.....then as cars became more reliable, folks traveled the country on the new highways......to more destinations.

The Hamptons were also in the same league as a place for people to escape the heat of the city - and easy drive out......that in the 1920s on.......but not so much resort oriented as people owning beach front houses themselves. or near a public beach.

My parents met at a 'resort' on Culver Lake NJ....young folks would go there for a week or two during the summer. It was located on a lake and all sorts of outdoor activities including boat/canoe rentals, swimming/diving docks, getting a suntan, evening dances/activities, etc. They ran buses from NYC out 50 miles to the resort......Both my parents worked in NYC and met there. late 1930s......got married then WW2 happened.....and I didn't happen till after WW2.....

The place burned down in the 1980s and was never rebuilt. The land was recently sold to a preservation alliance....almost 1000 acres......

I guess our little old summer place that my dad built a half mile away is still there...built out of concrete blocks on solid rock foundation......haven't seen it in 10 years. Seldom get back that way.


t.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
t:

Well, that's basically how we feel: Live and let live. If folks like that, enjoy! We enjoy what we do. We tend to eat lunch out most days -- our splurge -- and make that our big meal, but it's usually less costly at noon than for the evening. At night, we sometimes eat something bigger that my wife makes, but often it's simple as a dish of cereal -- hot or cold, as either chooses.

My intent was to simply find out what folks felt about it. Obviously, a lot depends on how well fixed people are. We're "comfortable" but not well off, so we do what we do.

Vermonter
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
Family are scattered, but some are relatively close (a few miles).

I should mention we are also longtime, active members of our church, which also means we have social contacts there. We tend to be in touch with others through our church and they keep in touch with us. Being active in a church can be a blessing in more ways than one.

Vermonter
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 3
"I’ve been blessed to have friends and neighbors who have had to deal with the consequences of aging and poor health for themselves or ailing spouses." - Lucky Dog


Luckydog your friends and neighbors are lucky to have someone as wonderful as you to help care for them. I have read posts you have written of all the loving things you have done to assist them.

You are an amazing and wonderful person.

Art
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
LuckyDog: CCF’s can be very closed communities, with people staying in their rooms and not very active to those with a younger set with all sorts of activities and trips to keep them mentally and socially engaged."


I've watched a lot of videos on youtube of The Villages in Florida. I think I would like living there. It is a 55+ senior community. Not sure about my wife though? She's pretty happy living here close to her family which I suspicion means we aren't going anywhere.

Art
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
"I should mention we are also longtime, active members of our church, which also means we have social contacts there. We tend to be in touch with others through our church and they keep in touch with us. Being active in a church can be a blessing in more ways than one." - Vermonter


In small towns in the South churches are where most of one's social life happens. I don't mind it.

Art
Print the post Back To Top