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No. of Recommendations: 76

(A Scene Coming Soon to City Hall in San Francisco )

"Next." "Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."

""Names?"

"Tim and Jim Jones."

"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."

"Yes, we're brothers."

"Brothers? You can't get married."

"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"

"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"

"Incest?" No, we are not gay."

"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"

"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other.
Besides, we don't have any other prospects."

"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've
been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you
can get married to a woman."

"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I
have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a
woman. I want to marry Jim."

"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us
just because we are not gay?"

"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."

"Hi. We are here to get married."

"Names?"

"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."

"Who wants to marry whom?"

"We all want to marry each other."

"But there are four of you!"

"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert,
Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves
June
and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can
express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."

"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."

"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"

"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that
it's just for couples."

"Since when are you standing on tradition?"

"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."

"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples.
The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the
constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a
marriage license!"

"All right, all right. Next."

"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."

"In what names?"

"David Deets."

"And the other man?"

"That's all. I want to marry myself."

"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"

"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to
marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."

"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"

------------

Yoda
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No. of Recommendations: 74
Sigh. These arguments again? Was the post supposed to be funny? This is the HURL board you know. I hate to even respond to this since it should be at PA or somewhere else...but here goes anyway...

Point 1: Why it's legal for the government to outlaw "group" marriages.
Because it doesn't discriminate against a class. You might think it's unfair not to allow group marriages, but it's not illegal. Otherwise, I'm going to sue Congress because I want a tax deduction on ALL my homes, and not just my primary home? Why should those with several homes not get equal protection? It's unfair no? Well that's just the way it is. One home per person gets special tax status. Applies to everyone. Those who own multiple homes have not had their civil rights violated. Same logic applies to group thinking. Everyone gets to marry ONE person. Do whatever you want with MORE THAN ONE person, just don't marry more than one.

Point 2: Incest.
Currently brother/sister marriages would meet the definition of one man and one woman. Yet we do not allow those. And no one is saying we should. Why would allowing gays to get married all of a sudden bring a rash of brothers to the courthouse demanding to get married, when currently opposite-sex siblings are not?

Do I also have to explain how allowing gay marriage won't lead to beastiality or people wanting to marry their teddy bears?
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No. of Recommendations: 25
What about point three, Foolferlove?
That's the one that really makes me think.
What if someone wants to marry themselves?

I thought it was funny.
I'm glad he didn't post it on PA, because I don't read PA.


Foolferlove:Do I also have to explain how allowing gay marriage won't lead to bestiality or people wanting to marry their teddy bears?


Only if it will make people laugh.


Cib (who prior to this hadn't sprayed coke on the monitor in a long time)


P.S. Two guys are standing in a long line in front of City Hall. One of the volunteers says, "I now pronounce you spouse and spouse." They respond, "But we are only here for fishing licenses."
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What about point three, Foolferlove?
That's the one that really makes me think.
What if someone wants to marry themselves?


It will never happpen. Because what would the sexual puritans do with their insistance on abstinence-only education and prohibitions against pre-marital sex if one could marry themselves? That would mean no playing with yourself until you are married to, uh, yourself. In that case we would see the crushing surge of 14 year old boys demanding to marry themselves!

Besides, how many exemptions would you get to claim on your 1040? Could you give yourself visitation rights in the hospital? Would your estate inherit your estate?
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No. of Recommendations: 36
Sigh. These arguments again? Was the post supposed to be funny? This is the HURL board you know. I hate to even respond to this since it should be at PA or somewhere else...but here goes anyway..
----------------

This is the HURL Board.....it was a JOKE!!!

Take a chill pill, FoolferLove......sheesh...
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SirYoda.......It was very funny. If you think something is funny, post it here, we'll determine if it's funny or not.
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It is a funny post--my only problem with it is that I have an otherwise-perfectly-normal* co-worker who insists all of those things will happen if we allow gays to marry.

85andbreezy

*okay, he might be a Lutheran
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Point 1: Why it's legal for the government to outlaw "group" marriages.
Because it doesn't discriminate against a class.



....sure it does, it discriminates against the class who wants group marriages.

They're not heterosexual nor homosexual nor bisexual...they're orgysexual.



Point 2: Incest.
Currently brother/sister marriages would meet the definition of one man and one woman. Yet we do not allow those. And no one is saying we should.



Just wondering, does my hot, tight shorts wearing, Britany-look-alike, 18 year old distant cousin count? The genetic overlap is minimal. I've been informed by my scientifically minded friends that the probabilities for offsprings with bucked teeth and recessed foreheads are small to none.



Do I also have to explain how allowing gay marriage won't lead to beastiality...


....do I also have to explain Richard Gere's intimate encounter with a certain type of a cute rodent??



or people wanting to marry their teddy bears?


oh yeah, and inject jealousy into my relationship with my 7 year old niece??
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Foolferlove: Do I also have to explain how allowing gay marriage won't lead to people wanting to marry their teddy bears?

People into this kink refer to it as Man/toy love:
http://www.blurty.com/userinfo.bml?user=plushie_fic



Cib


P.S. I once heard a comedian say, "Show me anything in the Sears, Roebuck catalog, and there is someone somewhere that wants to sleep with it."

P.P.S. It was a long time ago.

P.P.P.S. Anyone know who said that? Because I don't.


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"*okay, he might be a Lutheran"

Yo, Breezy, got any Windex? I need to clean my monitor after reading that.

~aj

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Sigh. These arguments again? Was the post supposed to be funny? This is the HURL board you know. I hate to even respond to this since it should be at PA or somewhere else...but here goes anyway...

This post was a joke, right?
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No. of Recommendations: 33
This is the HURL Board.....it was a JOKE!!!
Take a chill pill, FoolferLove......sheesh...



You tell a political joke, you get a political reply.... why does this shock you?

People are just as allowed to respond to your comments in their own way as you are to make your comments in the first place. And slapping your forehead in surprise when they do, as if you had no idea that making any kind of in-your-face lampoon as you did wouldn't prompt a response... I don't get it. What sort of reply did you expect?

Of course, this is HURL, so I mean all the foregoing as a joke, so if you reply to it with anything besides laughter, you just don't get it. That's understood, right?

Cheeze
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No. of Recommendations: 20
You tell a political joke, you get a political reply.... why does this shock you?

People are just as allowed to respond to your comments in their own way as you are to make your comments in the first place.



Funny how you come out to complain about responses to responses only when they go against your political grain.....

....when all is said and done, we're all political animals.

Stop contributing to the noise. You're starting to lose any status, objective or otherwise, associated with the "TMF" preceding "Cheese".
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No. of Recommendations: 23
Stop contributing to the noise. You're starting to lose any status, objective or otherwise, associated with the "TMF" preceding "Cheese".

You again, Foolman?

The TMF has never indicated "objective" status, as if there is such a thing.

The Libertarian board, for instance, has gotten quite a few posts from people with TMF in front of their names, including TMFDavidG, TMFBobdog, TMFPitch, TMFVW, TMFMycroft (what a hit parade!) and others. Some of them even espouse Libertarian ideas, imagine!

I seem to recall other TMF names with quite conservative views skipping about. Remember TMFNole? Did you complain when he posted? Of course not.

The "TMF" means they are an employee. It doesn't mean they've stopped thinking, nor given up the right to post their opinions.
 
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....when all is said and done, we're all political animals

Not true. Politics is as stupid as religion. I partake in neither.

I like Golf, beer and range fed chicken wings.
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The Libertarian board, for instance, has gotten quite a few posts from people with TMF in front of their names, including TMFDavidG, TMFBobdog, TMFPitch, TMFVW, TMFMycroft (what a hit parade!) and others. Some of them even espouse Libertarian ideas, imagine!

There's a Libertarian board around here? Cool.

- Tom
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nor given up the right to post their opinions.

nor quash the opinions of others.
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No. of Recommendations: 75
(A Scene Coming Soon to City Hall near you)

"Next." "Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."

""Names?"

"Tim and Amy Jones."

"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."

"No, we're childhood sweethearts."

"Ok, how do you have sex with each other?"

"What, that's a very intrusive question. Why do you care?"

"It's very important for the government to know the intimate details of your love, it's part of preserving the sanctity of marriage!"

"I'm sorry, but we won't answer....."

"We'll need your address to install the cameras in your bedroom."

"What?"

"Also, what religion are you. You can't get a legal marriage if you are not Presbyterian, here are the forms to convert?

"Wait a minute. This is the United States of America, Congress shall make no law estab....."

"Also, how tall are you and your wife. We have laws making sure that only height compatible couples can marry"

"But that's discrimination based on an arbitrary physical attribute."

"It's not discrimination, your free to marry another person, they just can't be taller than you.... or black. "

"What! All men are created equal.... What about the freedom from religious persecution that this country was founded on?"

"We can't let just let any old non-related consenting adults who love each other marry. That's crazy, we've got to define marriage however makes us comfortable. It's not oppressive if your one of us."

"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"

------------
foolfromoh
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Funny how you come out to complain about responses to responses only when they go against your political grain.....

....when all is said and done, we're all political animals.

Stop contributing to the noise. You're starting to lose any status, objective or otherwise, associated with the "TMF" preceding "Cheese".


Funny, Foolman, I notice you only complain about responses to responses to responses only when they respond to responses that you don't agree with against posts that you do.

Or something like that.
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No. of Recommendations: 4
Funny how you come out to complain about responses to responses only when they go against your political grain.....


You want me to complain about responses I agree with?

Okay, that sounds a bit unorthodox, but this is the humor board...

Cheeze
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