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So how's everybody doing?

What are you up to?


I am guessing there are always someone here, just quiet. Personally, I'm not very quiet in here. LOL. Just trying to shake off the dust in here. It has been since February, two months ago since the last post, so just hopping in.

Would love to hear how anyone else is doing.

For myself, I'd say I'm okay enough. Enough rocking to know I'm around.

Misc. activity lately is I am struggling to deal with all the unhealthy people in my life. Only recently recognized (or remembered) that all the negative people in my life is a reflection of me in some fashion. I started to remember this aspect when I was recently complaining to myself about recent conflicts (since the fall) I have had with acquaintances or so-called friends. I am codependent personality and have surrounded myself with people who are needy, or even predatory. I've weeded out a few such people within the last few months though still dealing with different outcomes and circumstances. It will be something I need to continue to manage and deal with for sometime. The hardest part of all this is finding ways to pay attention to positive and life-affirming people I come across, even if just casual encounters. I have to retrain myself to recognize these in small daily encounters, or just observations in the media and online.

Also I have a small goal I want to share. For the last few days (since Wednesday, I think) is see how long I can go before I drink alcohol. On Wednesday, I finished the last of some cheap wine I had. I love booze. I drink mostly cheap beer, but I'll dabble in what is around. Don't think I'm an alcoholic by many standards, except that I know I rely on alcohol to help me deal with anxiety, depression, and stress. A primary motivation for me for now is I spend too much money on booze (beer or other) when I am on a fixed budget.

Oh, yeah. And started to realize a few weeks ago, I am officially perimenopausal.

I'm in perimenopause! LOL! Some mixed emotions about it, but much more positive about it as I think of it more over time.

That's just what's been on my mind lately.

Love to hear what you'd like to share.

- slowly there
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I'm doing ok. Working - too much, actually, but steady money is a good thing.

Been running normal-to-manic and back again, which is soooo much better than depressed, but has its own issues.

Going to the movies with C tomorrow.

Ishtar
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I'm OK at the moment but the social life has yet to really get off the ground since breaking up with ex-BF AGES ago. I feel horribly out of practice at any sort of social activity.

I have to get back to sewing more of my own clothes because shopping wears me out & I don't find enough that I like (I am almost plus-sized). Sewing used to be more like fun, now it's more like work and I have to get around that or I will be living in jeans/khakis and t-shirts.

Have been rationing the beer (one pint per week, usually.) This week it was two; I had dinner Thursday in a pub out of town (and could walk back to where I was staying) and Friday in a restaurant with my sister & her boyfriend. My feeling about alcohol is that it doesn't do anything for the depression & not much for the stress. I don't especially like being drunk. If it makes me more awkward than I am already, I find that really annoying.

The other project at the moment is to get rid of more paper & junk. And get rid of paper faster than it is coming in.

- Paint
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I'm doing ok. Working - too much, actually, but steady money is a good thing.

Been running normal-to-manic and back again, which is soooo much better than depressed, but has its own issues.

Going to the movies with C tomorrow.

Ishtar


Hi Ishtar, glad you're got steady money and hope the "too much" of work is still manageable. The "normal-to-manic" stage I haven't been in for a long time, but I know it is (often) a better feeling than just solo depression. Hope it stays at that good normal plus stage and remains, well, manageable. Enjoy the movie with C! :)


I'm OK at the moment but the social life has yet to really get off the ground since breaking up with ex-BF AGES ago. I feel horribly out of practice at any sort of social activity.

Hi Paint, I don't think I've known you that well, but you sound EXACTLY LIKE ME! Okay, at least a lot of parallels!

I have been officially single for a long time and as far as remembering how to relate to grownups, I think I've given up on normal socialization long ago, LOL! It is a reason I feel I need to retrain myself to notice how normal (healthy) people interact. NOTE: I suspect I have Aspergers-like (mild autism) features so productive social interaction is something I really need work with.

<>iI have to get back to sewing more of my own clothes because shopping wears me out & I don't find enough that I like (I am almost plus-sized). Sewing used to be more like fun, now it's more like work and I have to get around that or I will be living in jeans/khakis and t-shirts.

If not for my kitties at home, I think I would be experimenting much more with at least repairing my clothing, though I've dreamed about making my own clothes, especially pants! And don't knock living in jeans/khakis and t-shirts, I love it, LOL! No-iron, wash and wear heheh. But seriously, eventually I do want to start wearing clothes that fit properly and/or look age-appropriate and not (accidentally) vintage stuff. (I still have - and sometimes wear - stuff from the 1980s, not the cool stuff.)

Have been rationing the beer (one pint per week, usually.) This week it was two; I had dinner Thursday in a pub out of town (and could walk back to where I was staying) and Friday in a restaurant with my sister & her boyfriend. My feeling about alcohol is that it doesn't do anything for the depression & not much for the stress. I don't especially like being drunk. If it makes me more awkward than I am already, I find that really annoying.

Just realized I think you're overseas? I'm born and raised in the U.S. I like my pints, specifically malt liquor beer (cheap but moderately high alcohol content, for mass produced beer and often beverage of choice for stereotyped homeless alcoholics). I usually only drink for tipsy, not fully drunk. For me, this is usually enough to reduce anxiety, moderate depression, but only if I don't receive additional stressors. It also helps to put me to sleep initially though it obviously creates wakefulness after the initial sleep. Also I usually drink only at home, not in public, so there isn't the usual awkwardness I have experienced in the past. Also one incidental reason I stopped drinking in public (main reason is cost of public drinking at bars and restaurants as I'm now on fixed income) is that I tend to drink to full drunkenness and too inclined to get into awkward social situations. Also my then-drinking companions were often incitable and prone to arguments, with me or other. These situations were years ago.

The other project at the moment is to get rid of more paper & junk. And get rid of paper faster than it is coming in.

LOL! Something I am too familiar with *glances around her desk here at home and living room.*

Best to each of you,
- ST (slowly there)
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Hi ST,

No, I'm here in the U.S. One of my favorite beers happens to come in pint bottles.

I'm very lucky that in my present occupation I can get away with wearing jeans/khakis and t-shirts, especially during construction season. It's better to wear pants at my job. But then I get off work and most of the other women are way better dressed than I am. I try to "dress up" my look a bit and shopping is total frustration.

Are you near a library? Reading can also be good for relaxation. Or distraction. I usually have one or two books going.

- Paint
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Well... I'm sitting here eating pistachios and watching Muppets Take Manhattan on movies! channel.

The nuts are part of the NEW week of my food activity, that is, we (DH & I )went to this Natural Practitioner (not an MD)who is trying to promote wellness, told us we are gluten sensitive (I'm not sure I believe it) and have given us a long list of things to not eat while goig through the detox program. As I'm maybe halfway through (yay!) I look forward to returning to---dairy, tomato & potato & their kin, grains (or not?) Coffee (have been asleep for over 3 weeks now, sort of) chocolate (please?) and whatever. In other words eat lots of fruit, salads, avocados, and chicken, turkey & fish. I though pork was ok but I was wrong.

The good part is I've lost 10 or more pounds. I didn't mention--alcohol is also something not included in the diet (except what comes in the vitamin b12 liquid drops!) But I could use some wine now and then, eh?

So I spend time thinking about food. I had a dream with some hot dogs in it (I don't even like hot dogs that much anymore since I know better.)
Anyway I guess its all a good thing.

joycets
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oh. addendum. No nuts for the 2 weeks of intestinal part, but now I'm into the liver part so I can eat nuts again. Whatever this thing is....


jts
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I just found this board.
Need to read a lot of back posts, I think.

I, personally, am puzzled that I often find myself depressed to the point of nothingness. Not sure how else to describe it other than that.

The thing is.... On the one hand, I don't really have a good reason to be depressed. I have plenty of money, don't owe anybody anything, and I'm in pretty good health for my age. Last year about this time I went on a low-fat vegan diet and I've lost over 55 pounds and am no longer on any prescription drugs. I have a husband who cares about me and a kitty that I adore and who adores me.

On the other hand.... last year I lost my best friend (0x6a74 - maybe some of you here knew him). My daughter is a lost cause. My husband's family doesn't speak to us (for reasons we still have not figured out). And we are pretty new to this area of Northern California and really have no friends here. To make matters worse, I'm an introvert and an only child - so I don't even have a brother or sister of my own.

Last night I dreamed that I needed to de-bug a computer program (because the series of numbers it was supposed to properly spit out were badly needed or wanted for some reason or other) and I simply could not find a quiet place to do it. Everywhere I tried was either occupied or exposed to people making noise. What a nightmare.

I live in a community that has monthly dinners in a clubhouse - that we never attend because all they ever cook is meat meat meat and more meat - with cheese and eggs and fat. Everything we don't eat. So that kind of social interaction is pretty much out for us.

I grew up an only (lonely) child so I'm used to being alone. But after the death of my friend, JT, I've sort of withdrawn more and more. I try to be upbeat. There are lots of things to be happy about. But I still find myself on the edge of that "nothingness" where I just sort of veg out into a kind of non-existence. I have no energy or interest in doing much of anything. Often I think of doing something - even plan it out in my head - but I never seem to actually DO whatever it is.

I always think (and not kindly) about all those people out there who say to just "snap out of it" as though you can somehow whistle a happy tune and the sun will break through the clouds, angels will sing, and all be again be right with the world. Don'tcha just want to punch them right in the kisser? :)

AM
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Hi AM-
I'll let others drop in and throw their 2 cents your way but I will address this part

On the one hand, I don't really have a good reason to be depressed.

Having Depression and Being Depressed are two completely different things.
Don't feel like it needs to be justified.

peace & not very good at support
t
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Having Depression and Being Depressed are two completely different things.
Don't feel like it needs to be justified.

peace & not very good at support
t

----------


Thanks, much.

AM
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I always think (and not kindly) about all those people out there who say to just "snap out of it" as though you can somehow whistle a happy tune and the sun will break through the clouds, angels will sing, and all be again be right with the world. Don'tcha just want to punch them right in the kisser? :)


Hell, yes.

Ishtar
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Having Depression and Being Depressed are two completely different things.
Don't feel like it needs to be justified.


Ditto.

Depression isn't always "about" something. It just is. People with fabulous lives who have everything they thought they ever wanted get depressed.

But also, you are still grieving for 0x, don't down play the significance of that.

Ishtar
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But also, you are still grieving for 0x, don't down play the significance of that.

Ishtar




His death has left a tremendous hole in my life.
It's hollow and black and there's no bottom. :(

AM
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His death has left a tremendous hole in my life.
It's hollow and black and there's no bottom. :(


I'm really sorry.

Ishtar
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Thanks. Maybe time will help.
But, funny thing.... When you are my age time is something you don't have a whole lot of. Strange, too. I think of my own death more lately. But I don't have any kind of "bucket list" like many would have. I just kind of float from one day to the next.

Another funny thing....no matter who you are, depressed or not, the only time any of us have is now. Once I realized that any sense of urgency - if I ever had one - vanished. No need to hurry up because "now" is already here. The only question is what you will do with it. And, so far, I don't feel compelled to do anything at all.

So I just float.

AM
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(delurk)
On the other hand.... last year I lost my best friend (0x6a74)...

I'm so sorry to hear about that AM.

Last year about this time I went on a low-fat vegan diet....

Have you considered that nutritional issues, and not only life events/family, could also be influencing how you feel? You might want to get a check-up which includes issues like low vitamin D, B-12, thyroid function, adrenal function, etc. They can contribute to depression and lack of energy/motivation. It's not uncommon to get low on B-12 on a vegan diet. Do you supplement?

Also, low omega-3 essential fatty acids can affect mood, energy, memory and more. Do I recall that you're doing low-fat vegan too? Most people find fish oil the easiest way to supplement EPA/DHA. The plant sources (flaxseed, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, etc) have ALA that the body has to convert. Some people genetically don't do that well. Or if they are low in any of the co-factors for conversion (certain B vitamins, C, selenium, zinc, magnesium, etc). And it can be hard to get sufficient from just plant sources.

I was in a deep, depressed, sucky black hole with no way out when my D was low. Like, I-don't-care-if-I-never-wake-up-again depressed. And don't keep a gun in the house. My regular doctor didn't think to check and offered anti-depressants. Thankfully my naturopath did think of it. Having a doc who will order nutritional/hormonal tests is helpful. Otherwise, I've used www.healthcheckusa.com to order lab tests myself. Many times it's even cheaper than going thru my doctor-insurer, because of the large deductible our employer's plan has.

Getting my D level from 20 to 60 made a *world* of difference. My B-12 also got super-low when I was eating a lot of vegetarian while marathoning. Plus funky gut issues can prevent manufacture of B-12 even for those that aren't veg/an. Supplementing got my levels back up and helped a lot with energy and motivation. The methylcobalamin form is more absorbable and doing a sublingual helps. I've had the best results with Natural Factors 5000mcg tablets. They say chewable, but it's better to just stick it under your tongue to dissolve. There's a good blood supply there for absorption, bypassing the gut. They taste and dissolve way better than a lot of other brands. Effective too. If you get tested, the low end of standard lab ranges is a bit too low. Bare minimum should be at least 450. If you're supplementing when tested, it can throw the results to the high side.

Anyway, just some other avenues for you to explore. And yes, I really wanted to give the snap-out-of-it people a hard smack :).

Laura
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