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This year has had many mixed emotions for me. Many, many downers.
My husband died. My daughter went to live with her natural father.
These were changes that shocked the system into someone else I had become. I don't like this person. There is too much pain. All my life I found it easy to run away and push the problems out the door of the fast lane. I was younger then and 'those' so-called problems were nothing in comparison aven though they were big to me at the time.

Over the past few months I have began healing and made decisions on my way of turning my life around without running away anymore.

Depression hits us in so many ways.
A couple of mine are Smoking, gambling and becoming quite distant torward life in gerneral. The people how love me have been my rock throught these times.

It is Christmas eve today.
Today I went to my local "Gambling Den" and banned myself from the club. It is all legal and witnessed.
I have given up the smokes back in Novmeber.

The big one,

Today I went to the courthouse and enquired about how to change my name via deed pole.
The pain in signing my last name is something I must delete from my life.
My married name holds nothing but lies. I have been cheated out of 9 years of life.
2002 I begin a new life..

Smoke free, Gambling free and with a new name.

This is my gift to me.

Thankyou everyone for being there for me over the past few months..
You are magic people.

Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2002. It can always get better.


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