Skip to main content
Message Font: Serif | Sans-Serif
 
No. of Recommendations: 2
Short-story Challenge 1

Whenever Muffy thought of Raoul, the pool-cleaning man, she had a tear in her eye and remembered the 1949 Packard she once shared with Dennis.

This is the opening line (include it, please) of a short (500-800 word max) story.

MichaelR


Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 7
Whenever Muffy thought of Raoul, the pool-cleaning man, she had a tear in her eye and remembered the 1949 Packard she once shared with Dennis. But Spring was coming soon and Dennis was still in the trunk, first he'd thaw, then he'd start to stink, what to do what to do?

~tbc
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 6
Whenever Muffy thought of Raoul, the pool-cleaning man, she had a tear in her eye and remembered the 1949 Packard she once shared with Dennis. She thought to herself, "I didn't think I'd ever get that last bite down."
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
Whenever Muffy thought of Raoul, the pool-cleaning man, she had a tear in her eye and remembered the 1949 Packard she once shared with Dennis. But Spring was coming soon and Dennis was still in the trunk, first he'd thaw, then he'd start to stink, what to do what to do? Of course there was always Raoul, sweet, stupid Raoul, he of the amazing pecs and the industrial size chipper/shredder.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 3
Whenever Muffy thought of Raoul, the pool-cleaning man, she had a tear in her eye and remembered the 1949 Packard she once shared with Dennis. After all, she would never forget that fateful rainy night she caught Dennis and Raoul in the backseat of that blasted thing.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 3
Whenever Muffy thought of Raoul, the pool-cleaning man, a small tear came to her eye as she remembered the 1949 Packard she once shared with Dennis...silly goose that she was, she had accepted the back half as her share, which meant she could never drive but only pay for gas. Nonetheless, those sleek, gleaming bronze curves, the sheer horsepower....and there was truly nothing shabby about Raoul either. As her thoughts turned to Raoul, Muffy felt beads of moisture begain to gather on her alabaster brow. Her tendrils of damp hair curled into a fetching escargot-esque tangle. Her silk nighty clung to her as tightly as her very skin..."Raoul", she murmured huskily, "Dear, dear, dim Raoul...por favor, point the hose into the pool. Gracias."

Sadie Killmouski
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 3
Whenever Muffy thought of Raoul, the pool-cleaning man, she had a tear in her eye and remembered the 1949 Packard she once shared with Dennis. After all, Raoul looked more like a '49 Packard than anyone else she'd met before. He even looked more like a '49 Packard, than Barbara Streisand's face looks like the front of a '72 Pontiac.

Paul T.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
Her silk nighty clung to her as tightly as her very skin..."Raoul", she murmured huskily
===*===

OK, I'm gonna guess Raoul, at the swimming pool, with the hose. What'd I win?

Raggmopp
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 8
Whenever Muffy thought of Raoul, the pool-cleaning man, she had a tear in her eye and remembered the 1949 Packard she once shared with Dennis. She wasn't overly impressed with either, but Dennis at least had the decency to mumble something about "Hey I promise not to tell if you don't". She remembered they both knew this was a lie, but pretended in wasn't as the windows slowly began to fog over. For the time being it made her feel as if losing her locket and her virginity wasn't all so bad after all. In the end she got what she wanted and Raoul would later relate the tragic end to both Dennis and the Packard. Yep, the tear was for the Packard. Heck, Dennis turned out to be no better driver than he was a lover.

The door opened and Muffy stepped off the El train and headed to Wrigley Field. Such are the momentary flashbacks one can have when the Cubs haven't started playing yet. The sun was out, the wind was blowing as usual and Muffy had only one place to go. Raoul was waiting. During the winter Raoul would have the jacuzzi running full blast in the training room, and not a soul around. After all, the pool gig was just where they met. That lazy, hot summer of 64'.


Woolybooger
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
Whenever Muffy thought of Raoul, the pool-cleaning man, she had a tear
in her eye and remembered the 1949 Packard she once shared with Dennis. She always seemed to think of Raoul on days like today. Until recently, she couldn't even bring herself to go outside on days like this. She knew people everywhere would be engaged in that awful activity the first sunny day after a period of midsummer thunderstorms - pool cleaning. But years of therapy helped her conquer her fear. Her physical scars had faded much faster than her emotional ones. She just wished Dennis could be with her today. It would've been much easier if he had survived that fateful day and that fateful drive. There were still many "ifs" she often visited. If only Dennis had turned onto Drucker Avenue instead of Franklin Street. If only it had been rainy that day - then Dennis may have had the top up on the Packard, and maybe Raoul would not have been cleaning the Emerson's pool that day as they drove by. Or at least, maybe the rain would've diluted the sulphuric acid that Raoul had in his bucket before he tossed it into the street. Finally, what if the Emerson's had hired a professional instead of a knucklehead like Raoul?

Fiat
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 6
Whenever Muffy thought of Raoul, the pool-cleaning man, she had a tear in her eye and remembered the 1949 Packard she once shared with Dennis.

On that summer night, Muffy's damp skin clung to the vinyl back seat where she lay with her bare feet propped up in the window.

Dennis had talents like no other man. She knew she could count on him to get the job done, quickly and efficiently.

“You're almost there,” Muffy had breathlessly said. “Faster, faster, don't stop now.”

Dennis continued to pump fast and furiously. He was determined to complete the job, no matter how much energy he had to expend.

Muffy had always paid Dennis well for his services, tipping him an extra $5 or $10 when she was especially pleased with his work. She loved the way he smiled and kissed her on the cheek when he was finished. She missed him. And she missed her old Packard. But after Dennis married and moved out of town, she sold it. It just wasn't the same without him.

Muffy used the money as a down payment on a big backyard pool. Sometimes she'd invite friends over to swim. Other times, she sat alone next to the pool sipping iced tea and watching dragon flies land on a floating leaf that had dropped from the neighbor's maple tree.

Today, as she watched as Raoul take off his shirt, exposing his bulging biceps, Muffy was reminded of his first visit. When she saw how short his hose was, she was almost sorry she had invited him over. But Raoul's dedication and enthusiasm proved that the size of the hose did not matter.

Muffy couldn't wait for him to get to work. On days like this, she especially liked having a friend like Raoul. Like Dennis, Raoul was eager to please.

Raoul squeezed her hand gently, the smiled at her as he lowered himself to his knees. Muffy smiled back. She knew that thanks to Raoul, nothing would ruin this special day.

Raoul reached into his bag of tools, pulled out a long screwdriver and a short crooked wrench. He opened the cover to the pool pump and in no time at all, he removed the old motor and replaced it with a new one.

Just like Dennis, Muffy thought. Dennis was the best mechanic in town. She'd always be thankful that he stopped that summer night when her old Packard coasted to a stop and wouldn't start again. It wasn't healthy for a 70-year-old woman to be pushing the car down the street in the dead of night. She might have died of a heart attack had Dennis not been able to get it started again.

“Don't forget to bring your daughter back tonight, Raoul,” Muffy told him as he climbed into his truck filled with chemicals and brushes. “It's going to be a lot of fun. After all, it's not ever day that I get to throw a Sweet-16 pool party for the pastor's daughter and her friends.”
Print the post Back To Top