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It is nearing 9:00 pm est. A good time to put your glass in the freezer, and while you're in there, make sure there's ice in the tray. Get out the shaker, and get the blue bottle of Sapphire ready. Make sure you have power up for the Osterizer; make sure it's plugged in this time.

Last night's simultini was splendid, I think I'll have another tonight. And maybe, after all this discussion of what is "objectionable" and "filth", we should attempt a simulgasm as well, in honor of our detractors, immediately following the simultini. Of course, before attempting the simulgasm, make sure you're partner's faucets are flowing freely...

jds
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Get out the shaker, and get the blue bottle of Sapphire ready. Make sure you have power up for the Osterizer; make sure it's plugged in this time

nearing 18.00 here, pst.
still a good idea...

Sapphire no, but that's my personal preference and i won't belabour the point;

but what the heck is the Osterizer(tm) for ?
am i missing something important ?


JT
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but what the heck is the Osterizer(tm) for ?
am i missing something important ?


If you'd like to shave the ice just a bit when you shake the ice and mix in the shaker. Optional, but a martini with some floating ice particles in it, if only for the first few moments, provides quite a rush.

Of course, there are those purists who want their martini stirred with ice, not shaken at all. And then there are those Bondophiles who use big cubes and shake, and pour the rest through a coil rimmed strainer. I kind of am in the middle, and so find that if you grind down ice in the Osterizer just for a moment, whir-STOP, leaving the cubes much sturdier than slushy, but not completely intact, and then shake vigorously with the gin and strain, you'll get the right amount of floating ice particles in the concoction. It takes practice. Fortunately, the errors are drinkable.

Now I've blown my simultini. Oh well, there's still time left for the simulgasm.

jds

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but what the heck is the Osterizer(tm) for ?
am i missing something important ?
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
If you'd like to shave the ice just a bit when you shake the ice and mix in the shaker. Optional, but a martini with some floating ice particles in it, if only for the first few moments, provides quite a rush


a-ha! i definitely agree with the intent.
thanks.

it is perhaps my rustic upbringing , but i find almost the desired effect by cracking the ice cubes with a mallet before they go in the shaker.



JT
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That reminds me - which of you LA fools is going to meet Tom next week? I'm sure he'd love to be shown how you WC folks order martinis ;)

Z
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which of you LA fools is going to meet Tom next week?

Tom?

not that it matters since i'm no-cal (ex-LA), trying Not to be a fool.


JT
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Get out the shaker, and get the blue bottle of Sapphire ready.

Motown has been out for a Cafe Felix simultini instead of homemade.

And I love em when they've got that little bit of ice on top.

And it looks like I'm a little late for the simulgasm. But what's new? Men always get there first.

L

PS I said inclined. Give me a break.
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Of course, there are those purists who want their martini stirred with ice, not shaken at all. And then there are those Bondophiles who use big cubes and shake, and pour the rest through a coil rimmed strainer. I kind of am in the middle, and so find that if you grind down ice in the Osterizer just for a moment, whir-STOP, leaving the cubes much sturdier than slushy, but not completely intact, and then shake vigorously with the gin and strain, you'll get the right amount of floating ice particles in the concoction. It takes practice. Fortunately, the errors are drinkable.


This past Dec after a reasonably successful afternoon I stopped into a downtown Seattle bar to finally try a martini. They gave me a big shot glass filled w/ ice cubes and gin.

What the heck was that? I probably should have gone to one of the steak joints if I really wanted a martini. Next time for sure...

(they don't sell gin in WV except to mix w/ sprite)
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a big shot glass filled w/ ice cubes and gin.

What the heck was that?


*i* call that a lazy-Martini. i sometimes fix one at home if i'm impatient, or need a drink before taking the time to make correct ones....

Being once again, "In", 'Martini' variations and so-called "Martinis" abound... varying by geography and bar.

next time,
[how to order a Martini]
say "Martini... Gin*... UP**... shaken**."

by which point , barkeep may ask , "Olive?" for your first, you should say "yes". later, if you're hungry, you can say "yes, several please". much later, when you're looking for a change of pace, you might say, "a twist please"

*or call a gin. i prefer Bombay. the locals here seem to prefer Sapphire. my Dad liked Beefeaters. my Uncle used to like Tangueray till i made Bombays for him.

**with an emphasis on the "P" to get barkeep's attention.

**with attitude that sez you know what you want and the tip depends on their figuring it out.

[next week: how to drink a Martini (: ]


JT
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say "Martini... Gin*... UP**... shaken**."

Oh dear, you've forgotten the very most important word. DRY! Wouldn't want any of that nasty vermouth in there.

I like Tanqueray in a g&t, Sapphire in a martini. But either will do in either in a pinch.

Laura
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say "Martini... Gin*... UP**... shaken**."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Oh dear, you've forgotten the very most important word. DRY! Wouldn't want any of that nasty vermouth in there.

I like Tanqueray in a g&t, Sapphire in a martini.


ignored. not forgotten.
(nowadays, "gin" is the most important word... sadly, there are those who think Martinis can be made without it.)
personally i like a bit of Vermouth, if only for the tradition... and, in a new bar, like to let myself be surprised by how much will be used. (when i was first taught to make them, 10-1 was very very dry, 5-1 still the norm)

as i've ranted before, though pretty, Sapphire is too high a proof... two or three Sapphire and *i* am too wasted for more. sticking to low-proof original Bombay allows me to drink 5 or 6....



JT
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Sapphire is too high a proof...

Really? I didn't know that. The only reason I use Sapphire is to get my botanicals. I love reading the label that tells me the country of origin for all the different herbs. I feel quite virtuous as I sip it; very mother-earthish. "Time to have my botanicals" is an oft heard phrase at the beach.
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<sigh>

a little research (been too long since i read the labels in the store)


http://www.physics.uq.oz.au/people/nieminen/bombay_sapphire.html

http://www.stoli.com/fov/spirits/drygin.html

Sapphire is only 94 proof to Bomay's 86 ,
and if the URLs above are correct, Sapphire has an extra botanical.....


i stand corrected...


JT
is it time to hurry home and finish off the bombay so's
i can buy some Sapphire ???
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is it time to hurry home and finish off the bombay so's i can buy some Sapphire ???

Perhaps a Martini Club faq would be useful for total newbies like me who may from time to time stumble in.

Would a bottle of Sapphire stored in the freezer be an instant martini?
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Would a bottle of Sapphire stored in the freezer be an instant martini?

Perish the thought. A martini requires that Sapphire be washed over a cadre of ice, with the vapors smallest amount of vermouth lingering on the ice.

The process is integral; to circumvent this courts disaster. The same for me every time: 5 ice cubes in the shaker. A dash of vermouth; twirl the vermouth around in ice for something like 4 seconds, then pour it all out. Add the Sapphire and sh-sh-shake.

Meanwhile, if you've done your job, the glass has been cooling in the freezer for the last minute or two. Extract the vessel, and put a single olive on a toothpick. Pour the frigid Sapphire into the glass and voila!

Taking a shortcut on any of these measures would ruin it all. A martini is not merely very cold Gin. It is a ritual, a process, like alchemy. A martini proper has that marginal dilution that bringing it into contact with ice causes -- the tiniest fragments of ice may even float atop it for a few lingering seconds.

Placing it in anything less than a proper martini glass is a similar gaffe. A martini glass allows the drink to slide towards you, eliminating the sip, the slurp or other inelegant methods of drinking. This is why martinis are so f####g suave.

Anyway, I was supposed to buy a friend a martini for his birthday today, but he is nowhere to be found. More's the pity.
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Would a bottle of Sapphire stored in the freezer be an instant martini?

I have it from an absent authority that Sapphire will lose its flavor if stored in the freezer.

Laura
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JT said:
Sapphire is only 94 proof to Bomay's 86

That's no small amount. My bottles claim 47% for Sapphire, to Bombay's 40%, which is almost 20% more by weight. So, you really can have an extra Bombay for every 4 Sapphires on a per buzz basis.

I drink Sapphire, but just bought Bombay to use the taste test as my weekend excuse.

Rick
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aps wondered:
Would a bottle of Sapphire stored in the freezer be an instant martini?

Freezers are for potato vodka only.

Rick
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JJ gave the gospel:
Placing it in anything less than a proper martini glass is a similar gaffe. A martini glass allows the drink to slide towards you, eliminating the sip, the slurp or other inelegant methods of drinking. This is why martinis are so f####g suave.

One more thing that is crucial, at least for me. I'm not one to hang on appearance, but a great martini must be served in a glass of razor thin edge. These days, when martini is all the rage, one cannot enter a Pottery Barn or even Pier One without seeing racks of martini ware. Be cautious though, and wait to find the thin, extremely light versions. Cheap, heavy martini glasses will run $4-10 each, but the good ones are only $12-15 if one shops. Don't get suckered by a $30 glass, but don't go cheap either. And always purchase at least two.

Rick
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JT said:
Sapphire is only 94 proof to Bomay's 86

That's no small amount. My bottles claim 47% for Sapphire, to Bombay's 40%, which is almost 20% more by weight. So, you really can have an extra Bombay for every 4 Sapphires on a per buzz basis.



true. but my *original* claim was more like 3 to 2, rather than 5 to 4. significant diff. but not as extrmeme as i recalled.

mea culpa



JT
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Trick once again thoroughly amazed me with:
One more thing that is crucial, at least for me. I'm not one to hang on appearance, but a great martini must be served in a glass of razor thin edge. These days, when martini is all the rage, one cannot enter a Pottery Barn or even Pier One without seeing racks of martini ware. Be cautious though, and wait to find the thin, extremely light versions. Cheap, heavy martini glasses will run $4-10 each, but the good ones are only $12-15 if one shops. Don't get suckered by a $30 glass, but don't go cheap either. And always purchase at least two.

I had to repeat the whole shebang, I just had to.

All this... knowledge of fine glassware, admitting you know how to shop... AND you know how to make a great martini?

And you're still SINGLE?

- Tera, perplexed.
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JT again:
true. but my *original* claim was more like 3 to 2, rather than 5 to 4. significant diff. but not as extrmeme as i recalled.

Hell, I'm hammered. Who's counting?

BTW, Happy Birthday, Laopera.

Rick
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Tera:
And you're still SINGLE?

Not really, I have my eye on a sheep outside of town.

But thanks.

Rick
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I drink Sapphire, but just bought Bombay to use the taste test as my weekend excuse.

Saphire is my first choice, reg'lar Bombay my second. I am never disappointed with either.
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Would a bottle of Sapphire stored in the freezer be an instant martini?
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
JJ replies:
Perish the thought. A martini requires that Sapphire be washed over a cadre of ice, with the vapors smallest amount of vermouth lingering on the ice.

The process is integral; to circumvent this courts disaster. The same for me every time: 5 ice cubes in the shaker. A dash of vermouth; twirl the vermouth around in ice for something like 4 seconds, then pour it all out. Add the Sapphire and sh-sh-shake.

Meanwhile, if you've done your job, the glass has been cooling in the freezer for the last minute or two. Extract the vessel, and put a single olive on a toothpick. Pour the frigid Sapphire into the glass and voila!

Taking a shortcut on any of these measures would ruin it all. A martini is not merely very cold Gin. It is a ritual, a process, like alchemy. A martini proper has that marginal dilution that bringing it into contact with ice causes -- the tiniest fragments of ice may even float atop it for a few lingering seconds.



true. though i think the words "disaster" and "ruin" are slightly hyperbolic... some experimentation and individuality is to be tolerated (eg, i use four ice cubes, crack them, and shake for only three seconds...
it's a matter of personal taste, i believe).....

for as diSilencio said yesterday, "the mistakes are drinkable"



JT
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Trick made me gag with:
Not really, I have my eye on a sheep outside of town.

Honey, honey, honey.

This is NOT good.

Sheep can't cook.

Sheep can't have intelligent conversations.

Sheep don't look good in the latest offerings from Victoria's Secret.

Of course, on the other hand, sheep don't drink martinis.

I'm not convinced it makes up for the other stuff, though.

- Tera.
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true. though i think the words "disaster" and "ruin" are slightly hyperbolic... some experimentation and individuality is to be tolerated (eg, i use four ice cubes, crack them, and shake for only three seconds...
it's a matter of personal taste, i believe).....


While there is no perfect ritual for every practitioner, it remains essential that each person have a ritual, an understanding of how to make a martini, and that this is followed through consistently. Some omit vermouth altogether; some use a mister. What is important is that there is a method, a process, a ritual. If someone doesn't have this, it does court disaster. The wrong gin, the wrong glass, the wrong kind of ice, or not enough of it. There can be variations in ritual, but the ritual remains essential.
Besides, gin stored in a freezer would be nigh undrinkable.

JJ
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Tera tried to convince me:
This is NOT good.
Sheep can't cook.
Sheep can't have intelligent conversations.
Sheep don't look good in the latest offerings from Victoria's Secret.
Of course, on the other hand, sheep don't drink martinis.


Ok, one by one. First, in my entire life of 40 years and many (believe it or not) women friends/lovers, I've only ever had a meal prepared specifically for me three times. I let that one escape, but she is now a physician with two kids of her own, yet still bikes in knee deep snow and just returned from packing a .45 while on War Games with Today's Army. A rare specimen all around. As a result of this single encounter, I've come to believe that women cooking for men is a myth. I can do it, but it appears they do not.

Second, do not diss the ease at which sheep share their deepest feelings yet refrain from tears. I'm a sucker for tears, so this is a decided plus. Ok, so sheep don't possess all that deep a collection of feelings, but the trade-off works for me. They can adequately express what they feel, and they do it with dry eyes.

Sheep look great in black stockings from Victoria Secret or anywhere else. If you don't believe me rent Woody Allen's "Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid to Ask." Hubba, hubba.

Lastly, I met my current baaaa-by in a bar called the Plantation. We were the only ones in that place asking for "up." It was destiny.

Besides, she looks hot in a sweater. Wool, of course.

Rick
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Saphire is my first choice, reg'lar Bombay my second. I am never disappointed with either.

Big Blue is my current choice as well, but Tanqueray was my first love and will always have a special place in my heart. And liver.

I wasn't going to pour tonight, but JJ's sensuous account of The Creation has put me firmly over the edge. Half crushed, half cubes, no vermouth for me.

Laura
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While there is no perfect ritual for every practitioner, it remains essential that each person have a ritual, an understanding of how to make a martini, and that this is followed through consistently. Some omit vermouth altogether; some use a mister. What is important is that there is a method, a process, a ritual. If someone doesn't have this, it does court disaster. The wrong gin, the wrong glass, the wrong kind of ice, or not enough of it. There can be variations in ritual, but the ritual remains essential.
Besides, gin stored in a freezer would be nigh undrinkable


What is ritual? i guess we have slightly different ideas on that... not that i'm right, but although i agree ritual is necessary, and persons may have differing rituals, i also think that some variation is acceptable even for the individual.
too extreme a variation and it's no longer ritual, or it's a different ritual. i cant easily draw that line, which, i guess argues for an absolutely rigid set of processes.

... i wish i could think of some other common ritual to analogize against.

..Gin in the Freezer... yeah, not allowed.


JT
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Saphire is my first choice, reg'lar Bombay my second. I am never disappointed with either.

Big Blue is my current choice as well, but Tanqueray was my first love and will always have a special place in my heart. And liver.

I wasn't going to pour tonight, but JJ's sensuous account of The Creation has put me firmly over the edge. Half crushed, half cubes, no vermouth for me.


yes, i think the taste-test will be an important project for me this weekend.


JT
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OK, one more post (MomAtHome: I'm trying! really!)

I'm drinking a bottle of cheap Vouvray, which is actually quite pleasant. I tested it at 8% residual sugar, which is odd, because it doesn't taste anywhere near that sweet. Trick, will you come and run my lab? It's obvious I need help.

Back to the topic of alcohol, I'd also like to wish laopera a happy birthday, and if he were here, I wouldn't force this swill on him; nor would I pawn off the red I tried on Trick already; rather, I'd pop one of the precious bottles of 1997 Jefferson Merlot (VA) I'm cellaring, and before you Californians laugh at the concept of VA wine, check with Zoe for an unbiased opinion.
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One more thing that is crucial, at least for me. I'm not one to hang on appearance, but a great martini must be served in a glass of razor thin edge. These days, when martini is all the rage, one cannot enter a Pottery Barn or even Pier One without seeing racks of martini ware. Be cautious though, and wait to find the thin, extremely light versions. Cheap, heavy martini glasses will run $4-10 each, but the good ones are only $12-15 if one shops. Don't get suckered by a $30 glass, but don't go cheap either. And always purchase at least two.


You're killing me. I spent 6 months staring at a set of 6 art-deco martini glasses in a second hand shop in Seattle. The glass was paper thin and had this opalescent sheen that has a name which eludes me (carnival? I can't remember). By the time I a) decided I needed them and b) convinced my wife we both needed them (at this point neither of us had ever tried a martini; we wanted them just for the glazier's art they represented) they were of course gone. I have not since seen their equal. The price? $20. Oops. Hey, what do I know, I still drink mostly out of mason jars.
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Tera: And you're still SINGLE?

Rick: Not really, I have my eye on a sheep outside of town.


Don't make this mistake Rick.

Sheep can't cook...

laopera
waiting for Laura to give her opinion of that one
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waiting for Laura to give her opinion of that one

Of what - whether sheep can cook? Aw, how would I know? This here is cow country.

Now as to whether sheep can be cooked, that's a different issue entirely. Love a little lamp chop or three now and again. Or maybe a little kafta. But I don't want to go too far here - sounds like Trick may have some affection for the little creatures and I don't want upset him.

All we like sheep have gone astray ...

Laura

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Extract the vessel, and put a single olive on a toothpick. Pour the frigid Sapphire into the glass and voila!

Taking a shortcut on any of these measures would ruin it all. A martini is not merely very cold Gin. It is a ritual, a process, like alchemy. A martini proper has that marginal dilution that bringing it into contact with ice causes -- the tiniest fragments of ice may even float atop it for a few lingering seconds.


Maaaannnn, I agree. The ritual is integral to the whole. This description sent me out for the ingredients and a re-immersion in the martini process. I have an old cut glass shaker (very heavy) and good glasses (very thin and light).

I realize this page is not really a martini page, but since aps opened the door for novice guidance - what about the garnish?

olives, twist or onion? I prefer plain olive (traditionalist?) but I really like those cocktail onions. Are onions taboo?

if olives - spanish plain or stuffed?
if stuffed - minced onion or pimiento?

What about chili or jalapeno stuffed olives? They are killer in a Sunday brunch Bloody Mary, especially with one of those spicy Texas Okra's. Are they OK in a Martini? (The stuffed olives, not the Okra).

Hops
I do drink more than beer.
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olives, twist or onion? I prefer plain olive (traditionalist?) but I really like those cocktail onions. Are onions taboo?



fwiw: just yesterday reread parts of "the Martini" by Barnaby Conrad.

acording to him: Onion is a Gibson. a prefectly acceptable drink, but not a Martini.
traditional is Twist, but Olive is an accepted variant (pitted, NOT stuffed)

personally i prefer a twist... but would be willing to try a jalapeño.


cheers,

JT
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if olives - spanish plain or stuffed?
if stuffed - minced onion or pimiento?


Whatever suits your mood at the moment, m'dear.

I for one prefer pimiento stuffed green olives. However, if the snacks and nibbles present at the bar are so bland as to totally disgust my tastebuds, a jalepeño stuffed olive is not out of the question.

- Tera, adventerous for a Virgo.
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if stuffed - minced onion or pimiento?

Or anchovy? Don't forget the anchovy!

ps-> those glasses in Seattle were definitely not carnival glass, and my wife denies they even had an opalescent sheen.
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I for one prefer pimiento stuffed green olives.

Tera, you live near enough to Ojai that you can get a jar of some olives stuffed with almonds. A nice crunch at the end leaves you craving more. Can't drink just one.

jps
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<i.Tera, you live near enough to Ojai that you can get a jar of some olives stuffed with almonds. A nice crunch at the end leaves you craving more.

Yum.

I like the ones with anchovies too...
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... but they have to be on the side.
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Tera, you live near enough to Ojai that you can get a jar of some olives stuffed with almonds. A nice crunch at the end leaves you craving more. Can't drink just one.

Ahhhh yes. Ojai. Love those almond stuffed olives. My problem is that when I buy a jar they never last long enough!

<burp>

Oh 'scuze.

- Tera.
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I shall make my way to the Wildcat Lounge on W. Ortega to partake. This may or may not be healthy, but I don't care.

Simul-quoi.
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