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So should I be speaking to a lawyer about the possibility of a quiet divorce, and setting up a trust instead? No one would need to know. What do gay couples do? I cannot believe that I am considering this.

Yes, you would need to talk to a lawyer about all the repercussions of a legal divorce and how to deal with them. One that comes to mind is legally making each other medical proxy in case of incapacitation. Also, what will the impact be on estate taxes if one of you passes away and are not entitled to spousal transfer of assets without taxation?

Additionally, you would need to figure out how to address this with your children. What kind of example to you want to set for them? I am not making judgements here, and I think you pose interesting questions, but these are also issues you need to think deeply about how they will be perceived. Will you tell your kids about the "divorce," or simply carry on as though nothing were changed? Would this constitute fraud in the eyes of the law, since you are essentially divorcing solely to avoid paying taxes? It would not be hard to prove with this internet trail.


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