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(author unknown)Mattel recently announced the release of limited edition Barbie dolls for the South Florida market. Boca Raton Barbie This princess Barbie is only sold at the Town Center Mall. She comes with an assortment of Louis Vuitton handbags, a Lexus SUV, a teacup Yorkie named Honey, a cookie cutter dream house with lawn service. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with a Porsche. Coral Springs Barbie This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic Jamming cell phone sold separately. Can swear in English and Spanish. Available at Target. Riviera Barbie This recently paroled Barbie is available with 9mm handgun, a bowie knife, a '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about. Acreage Barbie This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a classic Metallica t-shirt and a tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She comes with a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pick-up truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Available at Big Lots and Dollar General Stores. Palm Beach Barbie This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set and country club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Spanish-speaking Nanny. Lake Worth Barbie This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-gut Ken out of Plantation Barbie's house (discontinued). Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double-wide Trailer. Available at Walmart...cheap. Ft. Lauderdale Barbie This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears leopard print Spandex and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the martini bar. Comes with Xanax prescription and Botox injections. Lantana Barbie This Barbie now comes with a stroller, infant doll and bible. Optional accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant. Available at any Christian bookstore. Delray Beach Barbie Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect in every way. Worships the sun by day and strolls down the Avenue by night. We don't know who Ken is because he's always in North Florida or Georgia on hunting or business trips. Delray Barbie aspires to be Boca Raton Barbie. Not cheap, but, still very naive. South Beach Barbie/Ken This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting "snap-on" parts. Likes to experiment. Comes with bikini and club wear (sunglasses can be worn with both). Techno music collection and glow sticks included. South Beach Rave Club sold separately for all night fun!tuni (South Florida non-Barbie)
Where's Deerfield Beach Barbie?.. the one that's catatonic out front at Island Water Sports on A1A?
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