Skip to main content
Message Font: Serif | Sans-Serif
No. of Recommendations: 0

Good, concise commentary there, wish I'd caught those structural/consistency issues. One thing though:

Cliche alert! If the way that he sat is important, describe it in visual terms instead of relying on a metaphor.

While I agree that the marionette thing is borderline cliche, I happen to like effective metaphor that isn't played out. The type of thing good comedians use (Dennis Miller being the obvious one), or the stuff in Snowcrash by Stephenson.

There is a big difference between "The moon was like a malevolent eye" and well written metaphors.

Again, I don't intend my comments as criticism.

Ummm...why not? If there's some toe stepping going on here on my part, I'd like to shut up.

Print the post  


When Life Gives You Lemons
We all have had hardships and made poor decisions. The important thing is how we respond and grow. Read the story of a Fool who started from nothing, and looks to gain everything.
Contact Us
Contact Customer Service and other Fool departments here.
What was Your Dumbest Investment?
Share it with us -- and learn from others' stories of flubs.
Work for Fools?
Winner of the Washingtonian great places to work, and Glassdoor #1 Company to Work For 2015! Have access to all of TMF's online and email products for FREE, and be paid for your contributions to TMF! Click the link and start your Fool career.