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SW,

Good, concise commentary there, wish I'd caught those structural/consistency issues. One thing though:

Cliche alert! If the way that he sat is important, describe it in visual terms instead of relying on a metaphor.

While I agree that the marionette thing is borderline cliche, I happen to like effective metaphor that isn't played out. The type of thing good comedians use (Dennis Miller being the obvious one), or the stuff in Snowcrash by Stephenson.

There is a big difference between "The moon was like a malevolent eye" and well written metaphors.

Again, I don't intend my comments as criticism.

Ummm...why not? If there's some toe stepping going on here on my part, I'd like to shut up.

-Hook
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