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Alright, I did not have a good day yesterday, April 14. Spent too much time yesterday (oh, at least four hours) trying to make a simple scanned copy of my tax returns (which I forgot about, um, really), address the envelopes, fill them out appropriately, and prep the certified mail with return receipts (just heard about the new, cheaper, and more efficient electronic certified mail option, but whatever).

Please note that it took me four hours. No, don't harp on me for not filing electronically, I am not eligible. Four pages for state, two pages for the fed. And took me four hours. Don't ask why, how, etc. because I probably couldn't tell you coherently.

Almost lost it at least a few times in utter frustration, distraction, and confusion. I had intended when I went to bed Monday night, to get the scans and mail all done by morning. It didn't turn out that way.

Botched first envelope after sealing it and adhering the certified slips & card to it and went ballistic at that point. Eventually calmed down and then realized I did not have to use the same exact time of envelope and found a few old, flat brown envelopes I could use. Laboriously and slowly labeled the big, flat brown envelope legibly by hand since I can't print nice labels like most normal people.

Just barely managed to get everything done completely after post office closed, but happy to have finally done it.

Ninety minutes before completion and at my last near-apocalyptic collapse, friend finally called me back (had texted him a few times). He let me go nuts on the phone, tears, cursing, ranting, anger, frustration. He offered near the end of the call to come meet me (he was on the way to his late shift at work) and take me out for a walk. His sweet offer actually cracked through me and I calmed down after that. I thanked him for the offer, but told him to keep doing whatever and just give me a follow up call in half hour. By then, I was almost finished with my stuff and texted him back that I'm good and hope he was at work already then.

Sometimes just some small gestures of compassion help.

Plus lately have had the local radio tuned mostly to a local classical music station. I forgot how much it helps keep me calm and doesn't annoy me the way sometimes pop music stations do (I like pop music, but if I'm moody, sometimes either lyrics, rhythms, or beats escalate bad moods).

And last night about 9:20 PM, went to get a $3 tall boy (tried that new tacky Bud margarita style, "mango" flavor - yummy!). It was a lovely, still balmy night as I walked around the block with the romantic hum of overhead police helicopter searching for unknown suspect(s) and clues while about four sparkly police cars were on a parallel street presumably searching for clues, contraband, maybe even a suspect or two. Pretty typical here, not even memorable except I was in a good mood by then and inappropriately amused by the prospect of a live example of urban living.

I finished at least 22 ozs. of the can; about 2 ozs. sitting in a dirty glass in the refrigerator this morning. Was alcohol free for about 9-10 days.

So today, I'll be off to the post office. Gonna eat something healthy and whole grain, no more than one cup of coffee.

Hope all of you will have a good day.

- slowly there
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Minutes after posting that, I felt a sudden but brief surge of rage again.

Realized something fell down, what a mess. Maybe it was yet again one of the kitties. A source of love and support, but also a source of frustration.

Had to stop and try to think and rationalize for a bit, but the rage went away. Didn't really deal with it, have to find a better way than going into denial.

After this, I'm polishing off the 2 ozs. of cheap booze, then breakfast, etc. and then off to the post office.

Going to be a tough day, I can tell.
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Feeling much better now, four hours later.

Made it to the post office and surprised there was no line. Woman postal clerk at the window was very pleasant and nice.

Took a bit of a walk and then detoured into a local discount store I like, but haven't been to in months. Ended up chatting with a worker there, pleasant conversation.

Having positive social interaction sometimes really helps me stay a bit more balanced.

Walked home with a smile and a pleasant disposition. Want to stay this way until the mood passes.

Thanks for letting me defuse and vent.

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Well, it sounds like you got it in by the deadline. That's what matters. I've had one year where I had to file for an extension - I had used Turbo Tax & hadn't printed out the previous year's form because of printer trouble or no ink or some stupid thing, and then the computer got stolen and the IRS expected some information of the previous year's form (why??) and I didn't have it and Turbo Tax wasn't helping and the best I could manage was to drop everything off at a tax and accounting place recommended by someone from church and have them get the previous year's tax return from the IRS. Which, if I remember right, cost extra but it beats getting in trouble with the IRS.

This year, I got the taxes in early and spent the refund early too.

(By the way, I have NEVER been able to get the scanner to work on this printer. So you are ahead of me there.)

I have been working on getting rid of useless papers and it is going at a snail's pace. I have trouble concentrating on it.

- Paint
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I have GREATLY enjoyed using the VITA tax volunteers at the library. (they might have something to do with aarp but I'm not sure). I think you might have to have under a certain income or level of complexity, but this never affects us. This year I found out I could have earned $4000 though being retired & still got the Earned Income Credit.
(well if I could manage to go work somewhere! ).

This would be good to try if you can, after the first year they keep your records on their computer system for you.

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So- it's been awhile...
How's it all going?

you & lcd, too

peace & overdue check ins
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