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No. of Recommendations: 11


I have finally found out just where our tax dollars go to.

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
Washington, D.C.

Dear Sir,

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000
from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an
accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He
has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and! the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, that is until this year, when he got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs.

If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising
100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.

Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000
bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising
corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?

Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any
information you have on that too.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally
unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.
Be assured you will have my vote ! in the coming election.

Patriotically Yours,

Mr. Smith

P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free
cheese.

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