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I have finally found out just where our tax dollars go to.TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C. Dear Sir,My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping anaccurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. Hehas been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and! the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, that is until this year, when he got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs.If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raisingcorn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me anyinformation you have on that too.In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totallyunemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.Be assured you will have my vote ! in the coming election. Patriotically Yours,Mr. Smith P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more freecheese.
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