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1. That everything won't be done at the same time.

2. That I'll realize I've forgotten to buy something.

3. That everything will turn out okay, especially the bird!

Did I miss anything?

Tony
...but I still am...

Off2Aruba

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1. That everything won't be done at the same time.

It won't. That's what warming trays and microwaves were made for.

2. That I'll realize I've forgotten to buy something.

Yup. Never fails. Never matters either.

3. That everything will turn out okay, especially the bird!

It will. Always does.
Just don't make only giblet gravy if you have to make giblet gravy at all. Anyone who likes MW probably likes giblet gravy too....

Did I miss anything?

Sure, and I don't know what it is either. But I'll find out when we all sit down.

And we won't care. There will be plenty to eat but, more importantly, plenty of love at our table. And that's what I wish for all.

Klash
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Sure, and I don't know what it is either. But I'll find out when we all sit down.

And we won't care. There will be plenty to eat but, more importantly, plenty of love at our table. And that's what I wish for all.


Klash,

Thanks! You put it all into perspective for me! :-)

Afterall, it's not like Martha Stewart will be dropping by. ;)

Tony
...but I still am...

Off2Aruba
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Afterall, it's not like Martha Stewart will be dropping by. ;)

And if she does, just stuff a drumstick in her mouth and tell her to sit down.

The woman has too much time on her hands anyway. Three hundred ways to keep the toilet bowl fresh is about 299 more than anyone needs.

Klash
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The woman has too much time on her hands anyway. Three hundred ways to keep the toilet bowl fresh is about 299 more than anyone needs.

Well, let's be fair.

She only gives these tips when she's feeling flush.

:-P

Tony
...but I still am...

Off2Aruba
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She only gives these tips when she's feeling flush.

But all that effort goes down the drain...

Klash
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This probably is O.T. for this board, but I can't resist.

A Change In Plans

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:

Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The young artist assures me it is a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 AM upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to
reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice: take it or leave it.

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either. And for that I am truly thankful.

C.J.V.

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The woman has too much time on her hands anyway. Three hundred ways to keep the toilet bowl fresh is about 299 more than anyone needs.

What comes after "hire a housekeeper"?

TMF ExRO
Phil Marti

Lazy since 1902
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Voelkels, did you write this!!??

This is SO funny, I was rolling with laughter, as was my wife when I read it to her!

I'm going to post the link to this on Aruba's Isle...it's too good to share.

By the way, if you did write this, please email me! It's too good not to submit as a Fribble!

Tony
...but I still am...

Off2Aruba
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Hi, C.J.:

"Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either. And for that I am truly thankful"

Your entire post was a delight, not O.T. in the least. I just wish I could carve words as well as you have.

Ray
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Voelkels, did you write this!!??

This is SO funny, I was rolling with laughter, as was my wife when I read it to her!

I'm going to post the link to this on Aruba's Isle...it's too good to share.

By the way, if you did write this, please email me! It's too good not to submit as a Fribble!


Tony:
I wish I could claim it but alas, I don't have the talent. It was e-mailed to me by an ex-co-worker last week and also by my brother on Friday. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

C.J.V.



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Voelkels, did you write this!!??

This is SO funny, I was rolling with laughter, as was my wife when I read it to her!


Tony, I thought you were an English teacher.

it's too good to share.

Aren't you missing a word in that sentence?

Nancy
Teasing Tony since 1901
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it's too good to share.

Aren't you missing a word in that sentence?

Nancy
Teasing Tony since 1901


Er....Nancy....would ya believe I was trying to save bandwith by sparing the word, "not"?

...didn't think you'd buy it.

;)

Tony
...but I still am...

Off2Aruba
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1. That everything won't be done at the same time.
2. That I'll realize I've forgotten to buy something.
3. That everything will turn out okay, especially the bird!
Did I miss anything?


4. That someone will have a rather nasty bug and suddenly vomit on the turkey, thereby ruining dinner for everyone.


Hey, you asked!!
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What comes after "hire a housekeeper"?


There's more?


Klash
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4. That someone will have a rather nasty bug and suddenly vomit on the turkey, thereby ruining dinner for everyone.

Ewwww!!

I actually remember a Thanksgiving like that when I was a kid. My younger cousin "lost it" right there at the table.

That was the end of THAT dinner!

Tony
...but I still am...

Off2Aruba
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4. That someone will have a rather nasty bug and suddenly vomit on the turkey, thereby ruining dinner for everyone.
Ewwww!!
I actually remember a Thanksgiving like that when I was a kid. My younger cousin "lost it" right there at the table.
That was the end of THAT dinner!


5. I forgot to add this one. That just as you cut into the bird, your pregnant sister (girlfriend, cousin, ex-wife, etc.) gets labor pains cutting into her.
This happened in my family and that's how I got here.
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I actually remember a Thanksgiving like that when I was a kid. My younger cousin "lost it" right there at the table.

That was the end of THAT dinner!

Tony
...but I still am...

Off2Aruba


That is exactly why the "you must try everything" rule NEVER applied at holiday dinners at our house. We never had anything like that happen, and I think my folks just wanted to make sure that it didn't!!

Cindy
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I know the fears, especially #3 That everything will turn out okay, especially the bird!. I usually make really good pies, especially pumpkin. So last year I was asked to make some pies for a large Thanksgiving gathering. I thought, "Oh Well, this will be my job for Thanksgiving for the next 30 years." The pies were made from pumpkins that I grew, I had made several pies from them earlier in the fall and they were excellent, but when I cooked the pumpkin the night before thanksgiving and made the pies on Thanksgiving morning they were terrible, the worst pies I ever made. They had a strange color, a strange texture, and a strange taste. I don't know what went wrong but they were, as my daughter says, "Yucky". This was quite embarassing after my wife had been praising my pies to everyone. However, I thought, at least this would get me out of the Thanksgiving pie business.

It didn't work. Yesterday I found out that I am expected to make some pies again this year.

So Tony, I guess you don't have to worry that the turkey will turn out okay, you will be expected to do it again next year regardless of the outcome.

prime13
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5. I forgot to add this one. That just as you cut into the bird, your pregnant sister (girlfriend, cousin, ex-wife, etc.) gets labor pains cutting into her. This happened in my family and that's how I got here.

6. That all of the teenage girls in the family manage to talk one of the teenage boys into letting them dress him up in a prom dress and plaster him with a ton of makeup--and surprise the family after dinner with his entrance--and a particular humorless sorta-relative is there to be outraged that his children were exposed to something so horrid.

Madeline--who thinks our family should give a humor test before admitting new members...
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"Er....Nancy....would ya believe I was trying to save bandwith by sparing the word, "not"?"

Nancy, you just have to understand the root causes, and forgive Tony for (all) his transgressions. Comes from spending too much time in Aruba, as well, of course, as from conspicuous overconsumption of M.W.

(Grin)

Ray
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To defend Martha,
At least she does have the right idea about the perfect turkey. On her magazine cover (like readers of the Globe or Enquirer, I am ashamed to claim to read it) she has a chocolate turkey. I wouldn't mind the new family tradition - can the bird - go for the CHOCOLATE!!

Miss Lynn
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So Tony, I guess you don't have to worry that the turkey will turn out okay, you will be expected to do it again next year regardless of the outcome.

Prime,

Now you tell me!

I've been doing it for about the last 6 years. I was supposed to only do it that first time, and...well, the rest is history.

:(

Tony
...but I still am...

Off2Aruba
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4. That someone will have a rather nasty bug and suddenly vomit on the turkey, thereby ruining dinner for everyone.

Equally bad when the turkey has the bug and gives it to everyone. I was at a dinner once where something had been left out to long. Next day everyone was down with food poisoning. Hope this didn't happen to anyones Thanksgiving this year.
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