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A Canadian version of the classic fable...



Classic Version:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.


The Canadian Post-Modern Version:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the ant is warm and well fed.


The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less
fortunate like him are cold and starving. CBC shows up to provide live
coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant
in his comfortable warm home with a table filled with food. Canadians
are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.


The NDP, the CAW and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front
of the ant's house. The CBC, interrupting an Inuit cultural festival
special from Nunavut with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We
shall overcome". Svend Robinson rants in an interview with Pamela
Wallin that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and
calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair
share." In response to polls, the Liberal Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to
the beginning of the summer. The ant's taxes are reassessed and he is
also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough
money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes,
his home is confiscated by the government.

The ant moves to the US, starts a successful agribiz company. The CBC
later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food, though Spring is still months away, while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hadn't maintained it. Inadequate government funding is blamed, Roy Romanow is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost $10,000,000.


The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Toronto Star
blames it on obvious failure of government to address the root causes
of despair arising from social inequity. The abandoned house is taken
over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for
enriching Canada's multicultural diversity, who promptly terrorize the
community
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