Skip to main content
Message Font: Serif | Sans-Serif
 
No. of Recommendations: 1
But I have a question.

Soon, by the way. Due date was last week. Dr is closely monitoring the situation. Current plan is to induce labor in the next few days.

So for the question. Last night my wife said "Well, once she goes in the hospital, J needs to be with her until the baby is born."

Now, I'm not dumb enough to argue with my wife about something like that, so I shut up. But inside I thought "Why? The boy is working 40 hours a week and taking 9 credit hours. Why does he need to miss a day or two of work and a class when her mom and MIL both live within five minutes from the hospital? What's he gonna do, boil water?"

Just thinking guy thoughts here. Thoughts I'm keeping to myself, because I know as much about birthing babies as Butterfly Mcqueen.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 12
Thoughts I'm keeping to myself, because I know as much about birthing babies as Butterfly Mcqueen.

I'd keep them that way.

rad
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 4
Because once she goes to the hospital it could be 5 minutes or 15 hours until the baby is born.

It would be my guess that he does not want to miss the birth of his first child, and it is, in most cases unknown how long that will take.

THBS- she shouldn't dash off to the hospital at te first contraction either.

peace & placentas
t









(won't getan opportunity to use that one again)
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
It would be my guess that he does not want to miss the birth of his first child, and it is, in most cases unknown how long that will take.



Isn't this why they started videotaping it?
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 7
watching the video isn't the same -

he needs to be there to know, in excruciating detail, why he isn't getting anywhere NEAR *that* for a couple months...

peace & first person
t
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
he needs to be there to know, in excruciating detail, why he isn't getting anywhere NEAR *that* for a couple months...



Her mouth still works though, right?
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 26
Why does he need to miss a day or two of work and a class when her mom and MIL both live within five minutes from the hospital?

As tconi said: once you are there, things could be 5 minutes or 5 hours from happening, no telling.

Overall, he should be there because she has to be. When I was in labor this mostly consisting of bringing me things as I asked for them, entertaining me, and taking orders.

She will be doing work (it isn't called labor because it tickles). So he needs to be there to support her in that, even if it's just to grab a Snickers from the vending machine, or help her lug the IV pole the bathroom.

Trust your wife on this one. The boy needs to be there. Every minute he is not there will go on his Permanent Record.

impolite
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 11
Why does he need to miss a day or two of work and a class when her mom and MIL both live within five minutes from the hospital?


Because it's his baby, too.

Minxie
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 6
Because in a week, when the baby is here, he's still going to be working 40 hours a week and taking 9 credit hours. But that doesn't mean he's excused from being a dad.

Jane
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
Isn't this why they started videotaping it?

Sometimes Broadway is better than the movies.

PSU
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 5
Okaaaayyyyy.

Clearly plan A of "shut the heck up" was the optimum plan.

I'll stick with it.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 7

Now, I'm not dumb enough to argue with my wife about something like that, so I shut up. But inside I thought "Why? The boy is working 40 hours a week and taking 9 credit hours. Why does he need to miss a day or two of work and a class when her mom and MIL both live within five minutes from the hospital? What's he gonna do, boil water?"


Also, as her spouse and the baby's father he's legally able to make decisions about what to do if (god forbid) something bad happens.

Keeping those thoughts to yourself is definitely the correct thing to do.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 2
Never pass up an opportunity to shut your mouth. If I could just remember that, how much easier my life could be.....
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
So for the question. Last night my wife said "Well, once she goes in the hospital, J needs to be with her until the baby is born."

Now, I'm not dumb enough to argue with my wife about something like that, so I shut up. But inside I thought "Why?



I wanted my DH with me when I went to the hospital. But circumstances were also different for us. No credit hours, but he was working 40/week. I didn't have nearby family, but I'm sure many would have taken the time off to be nearby had we asked. Of course I also didn't need to be induced, went into labor during the weekend and had the baby before I ran out of fingers on my two hands to count the hours that had passed. If you count only the time after we arrived at the hospital, I can use just the one hand.

I think for many it's an important experience for both parties to be a part of. My DH was also glad to have been there. And he was one of the dads-to-be in our childbirth class asking questions such as "What if the dad passes out or suffers an anxiety attack during labor and delivery?"

DizChick
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
Isn't this why they started videotaping it?

Ew. Video cameras were not allowed when I went into labor. By my request. DH fully agreed.

DizChick
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
Just thinking guy thoughts here.

"Guy" thinking? I'm a guy, and I'm really glad I was at both my kid's birth. In fact, I don't know any guys with kids who weren't.

There is probably little more bonding you can do with you kid than hold them and say "I remember when you were born...". And though my wife is now my ex, we can still remember those hilarious-after-the-fact stories together.

Now, I'm not dumb enough to argue with my wife about something like that, so I shut up.

Hang on to that line of thought... :)
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 4
"Guy" thinking? I'm a guy, and I'm really glad I was at both my kid's birth.

I think his line of thought was: Why be there for the whole 8 (or whatever) hours when he can just show up when things are really moving?

He understood his son needed to be at the birth, but didn't understand "birth" was the process, not the last successful push.

We've gotten him straightened out, I think. :)

impolite
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
I really wasn't questioning being there for the birth. I just didn't quite grasp the uncertainty factor, and didn't understand why it was important to be at the hospital from the very beginning 'til the very end, period.

Now I understand things a little better. I'm really not a completely insensitive jerk. Sometimes I do come across that way.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
Geeked. Yes, what the lady said a moment ago.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 2
didn't understand "birth" was the process, not the last successful push.

Crap.

PSU
has a permanent record since 1902
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
I really wasn't questioning being there for the birth. I just didn't quite grasp the uncertainty factor, and didn't understand why it was important to be at the hospital from the very beginning 'til the very end, period.

Ah, my mistake.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 6
Geeked. Yes, what the lady said a moment ago.

It's understandable, really - it's a foreign concept to some guys actually going through it, so someone who was never actually present for such things has no way of knowing the "proper" behavior except by osmosis.

You knew enough to keep your mouth shut in real life and ask here, which is enough to have kept yourself out of trouble. That's a good thing.

I also think women who have been pregnant intuit that "birth" is a process, because the pregnancy is one long before it was even visible to others - she can "feel pregnant" before it's even verifiable by peeing on a stick. She's already had the benefit of knowing the process intimately for months before "birth" - the hours of labor are just the end of a process, not something in and of themselves.

To someone who has not been pregnant, or not in an intimate relationship with someone while they were pregnant, just really might not intuit that birth is a process. It can easily be seen as an event - especially given how a time stamp is put on the push that gets the rest of the baby's body out/the moment the kid is lifted from the womb in the OR.

But in reality, that is not even the end of the birthing process - there is still the afterbirth, contractions to shrink the uterus, the....uh...."aftermath" issue, etc.

Again, you have never seen any of that first hand. You are flying blind here!

impolite
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
There are many things one can know about without truly appreciating and understanding. I'm equating giving birth to the marathon I'm training for. Crossing the finish line is cool and exciting, and I'm looking forward to it, of course. But the training goes over months of time and the race itself has trials. It was difficult for me to appreciate what was really involved until I started preparing.

My wife has been generally very good about answering questions. But, as she says "it has been twenty years since I last did this, and things may have changed"

So I come here and ask.

Thanks.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
Now I understand things a little better. I'm really not a completely insensitive jerk.

Being a completely insensitive jerk would be saying these things out loud to your DIL. You're just asking questions and trying to learn. :)
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
to hold her hand, to feed her ice chips, to encourage her when she's passing out between artifically induced contractions, to be her anchor to focus on while she's going through hell.

Ishtar
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 4
I think you picked a good board for it. I'm glad imp has such a friendly, open place for such discussions.

DizChick
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 8
This has been one of my favorite boards since it was started. Civil, friendly, thoughtful and kind. Reflects the hostess pretty well, I think.

I can't imagine posting such questions anywhere else.

Thanks, Imp, for keeping everything constructive, helpful and positive.
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 3
This has been one of my favorite boards since it was started. Civil, friendly, thoughtful and kind. Reflects the hostess pretty well, I think.

Greetings, Dean, I could not agree more. One of the most precious things is to know there is somewhere to safely go to ask potentially touchy questions and NOT get ridiculed or condescended to or judged. What a expansive free feeling to know that this wonderful place inhabits a little corner of the universe and coming here lets us come away heard, respected and informed. Hooray for that!

xraymd
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 1
to hold her hand, to feed her ice chips, to encourage her when she's passing out between artifically induced contractions, to be her anchor to focus on while she's going through hell.

. . . and to hold the emesis basin for her to puke in when she's coming off the anesthesia after they fed her at 5:30 prior to discovering that an emergency C-section was needed at 11, the epidural didn't take, and the hospital was short staffed. Been there, done that.

Seriously, unexpected things happen during the birth process. I got a new grand-nephew this summer. My sister reports that of my niece's 18 point list of how things were supposed to happen, the only thing that went as planned was getting a healthy baby at the end of the process.

Patzer
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
Seriously, unexpected things happen during the birth process. I got a new grand-nephew this summer. My sister reports that of my niece's 18 point list of how things were supposed to happen, the only thing that went as planned was getting a healthy baby at the end of the process.


In my childbirth class, they recommended a "birth plan" so the staff would know what you wanted. I am so glad DH and I didn't do one. Our birth experience was fine, but didn't really go "according to plan" had we taken the time to write one. DH didn't even get to cut the cord. Our silly DD had wrapped herself in it, twice. I think had we written out a plan, we would have been more disappointed in certain turns of events, but since we did not, we just rolled with the punches and happily ended up with healthy mom & child.

DizChick
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 0
Late to the thread because we were in Beantown, but: http://boards.fool.com/Message.asp?mid=21309739

and really, more importantly:
http://boards.fool.com/Message.asp?mid=21305500

As you have now discovered, it's not the same via phone call.

-synchronicity
Print the post Back To Top
No. of Recommendations: 4
i know this is a moot point now, but a really good analogy popped into my head over the weekend:

Giving birth is a lot like having sex.
the technical definition of birth is when the baby emerges, just as the technical definition of sex is the penetration of penis into vagina, but you cannot really just expect to show up just for the culmination of either of those two events.
You participation in the precursor activities are necessary.
(or it could be really unpleasant all around, and yes,on your permanent record)

peace & ins and outs
t
Print the post Back To Top