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The Most Honest Resume You'll Ever See
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Associate Sales Director, Kuller & Johnson Supply Co. (Sept. 2012-present), Chicago

Schedule, reschedule and attend medical appointments for self; manage Amazon Prime account for family of 5, including developing best-in-class IP on paper-towel category; read about Trump; facilitate and participate in informal meetings about HBO programming; send one late-night work email to boss each week; develop proprietary method for eating food at desk while staring off into the distance (2 meals a day); help immediate superior with sales for firm when her kids or my kids don’t have colds; complain about job. [...]
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