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No. of Recommendations: 17
The guy had taken his girl out wining and dining; coming home in the
car he stops in a lay-by and gets stuck in snogging and feeling between her legs.

'Stop it,' she says, 'I want to remain a virgin until I marry.'


'Then how about a b***-j**?'


'Ugh, I'm not putting that thing in my mouth.'


'Then how about a hand job?


'Ok. How do I do that?'


'Remember,' says the guy. 'When you had a Coke bottle and you shook it and sprayed your friends?'


'Oh, yeah.'


'It's the same, but much gentler.'


Later the guy is foaming at the mouth, gets red in the face and
screams.


'What's wrong?' The girl asks.


'TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF THE TOP.'
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No. of Recommendations: 6
girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and
immediately she suggests that they do "69"

"What the hell is that?" asks the guy.

Realizing he's inexperienced she tries to explain, "I put my head
between your legs and you put your head between mine."

Still not knowing what she's talking about but not wanting to ruin the
moment he agrees to try it.

The second they get in to the position she lets go a RIP-ROARING fart.

"What was that for?" he asks.

"Oooopppps! Sorry, lets try it again." she says.

So, they get into position again and once more she lets one loose.

The guy gets up and starts to put his coat on.

"Wait, where are you going?" she asks.

The guy says, "If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those,
you're crazy!
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No. of Recommendations: 3

One day as confessions were on in church the priest comes out of
the confession box and asks the young man sweeping the floor to act
as a priest for a minutes as he really needs to relieve himself. The
priest tells him there is a chart of penance on the wall inside, so the
young man agrees.

The first person enters to confess and says "Forgive me father for I
have sinned. I stole some food from the supermarket." "You will be
forgiven",replies the young man. He looks at the chart and says "10
Hail Mary's for your sins."

The second person enters to confess and says "Forgive me father. I
lied to my mother yesterday" The young man looks for lying on the
chart and says "You will be forgiven. Say 20 Hail Mary's for your
sins."

The third person then enters and says "Forgive me father for I have
sinned. The postman called in last week and I gave him a b***-j**."The young man looks at the chart but doesn't see bl*w-j*b on it. He
opens the door and calls over one of the alter boys. "What does the
priest give for blowjobs?" he asks. The young boy replies "A can of
coke and a mars bar"




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No. of Recommendations: 3
Three Southern Belles are sitting on thier porch on a hot night
reminiscing.

Quite out of the blue one says

"Hey, Miss Bella, you know when you make lurv, have you got a
name for your man?"

"Mmm Mmm why I sure have, I calls him mississippi, cos when he
makes lurv he does it real slow real sure just like the ol' Mississippi"

"Hey Miss Ellie, have you got a name for your man?"

"Yessirree" she replies. "Calls my man Colarado cos when he make
lurv, he is sure rough, fast and eager, just like the river colarado"

Finally, Miss Mary is asked the same question.

"Well I do and I calls him my Southern Comfort"

"Southern Comfort?" the other two exclaim. "Why ain't that a strange
name. Say, isn't that some kind of fancy liquor?"

With a glint in her eye, Miss Mary declares "Mmm Mmm Mmm, it
sure is honey, it sure is"




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No. of Recommendations: 3
This bloke rings home from a phone box at the airport.

"Hello son, its your dad here, put your Mam on" he says as a little
boy's voice answers the phone.

"Oh, she's in bed with uncle dave, they always go to bed of an
afternoon I have to make myself scarce" was the reply.

"Well f**k me! Here I am slogging my guts out on them f**king rigs
sending her £500 quid a week and as soon as I'm gone she's in bed
with my brother. Here son you go tell her that your dad's coming up
the street with his bags and shit and see what she does, ive got a
few quid in change I'll give you".

"Alright, back in a mo" says the little boy.

A few minutes later he comes back and says

"Eeh it were f**king funny that dad, I told her what you said and you
should have seen uncle Dave! He jumped out of bed and out the
window, but it slammed shut and caught his leg and he fell into your
cabbages and i hope your not planning on taking them to show this
year cos he squashed 'em. He got up and he ran out on to them
railway lines and an intercity 125 hit 'im and spread him all over next
doors garden"

"What did your Mam say?" the bloke asked.

"Well she flew out the door, down the stairs, I've never seen a hairy
fanny before dad, in to the back yard and she slipped on me
skateboard and hit her head on a brick and landed in the swimming
pool......and shes face down.....shes not moving...I think I've killed
her"

"Hang on....." says the man, "Swimming pool?? is this Doncaster
706341?????"
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