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No. of Recommendations: 6
DN's check, that he gives me the first of each month to cover his portion of the bills, bouncing.

Grrrrrr.

impolite
covering the fallout from her efund, until DN gives me cash
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DN's check, that he gives me the first of each month to cover his portion of the bills, bouncing.

Grrrrrr.

impolite
covering the fallout from her efund, until DN gives me cash


Is there any way you could get him to change from paying you by check to having an automatic transfer out of his account on the day after he gets paid?

I know if he has no money then an automatic transfer isn't going to make a difference but if you timed the tranfer with when he got paid you'd have a greater chance of reducing the bounced check kind of thing.

boycosmo
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That really *sucks*. :/

Can you request money orders from him, in the future? Or, well, this is kind of a big pain, but if there's a branch of his bank near you, you can go in and ask them if there's enough money in the account to cash the check, and hold on to it until there is. I used to do this with DH's paychecks, when they were very bouncy. :-( It sucks, and is a waste of time, but then you don't end up paying a bounced deposit fee (which absolutely pisses me off--I can see paying a fee if I bounce a check, but because some yahoo who writes me a check doesn't have the cash, I have to pay a fee? grrrr) and you don't walk around for two weeks thinking a check is good when it is not. :-(

Actually, check if your bank charged you a fee, and make DN cover it if they did. Maybe that will help him learn. Grrr.


--Booa



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Actually, check if your bank charged you a fee, and make DN cover it if they did. Maybe that will help him learn. Grrr.



And if that doesn't learn him, maybe a little visit with the attorney general would.

Grrrr indeed!


RJ
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No. of Recommendations: 3
And if that doesn't learn him, maybe a little visit with the attorney general would.

Or ROTJob and 6'7Fool with a couple of lead pipes.
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Or ROTJob and 6'7Fool with a couple of lead pipes.



Oh no. Not me. I've gotta be nice. He is a cop, after all. And you gotta think about the kids too.


RJ
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No. of Recommendations: 35
Oh no. Not me. I've gotta be nice. He is a cop, after all. And you gotta think about the kids too.

Dammit! He's like a 17 in blackjack....you want to hit him but you can't.
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Can you request money orders from him, in the future?

I bet that would just give him an excuse to not give her the check on time. "Oh, its so hard getting to the bank during business hours..."

Which, actually, it is. Just make him pay up for your fees. Tell him to get overdraft protection on his account, still causes fees up the wazoo when it kicks in but at least they'll all be HIS fees.
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Dammit! He's like a 17 in blackjack....you want to hit him but you can't.



LOL. Thanks man. Now when I meet this DN I will have 2 nicknames for him forever rolling through my mind.

DN and 17.

This wouldn't worry me, except that I've actually screwed up twice by calling Chewie at work that to her face.



RJ - doomed
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Is there any way you could get him to change from paying you by check to having an automatic transfer out of his account on the day after he gets paid?

If he bounces too many more checks the state will be happy to do that for you.

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(((impolite)))

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If he bounces too many more checks the state will be happy to do that for you.


Seriously. Then RJ can have three nicknames for him: DN, 17 and Garnishee.
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Tell him you want a money order from now on. Keep documentation of his bad check, so if visitation stuff comes up in court you have bartering power.
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Or ROTJob and 6'7Fool with a couple of lead pipes.


Don't think you're going without me.
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No. of Recommendations: 7
I'm just going to reply to everyone, now that I've managed to calm down. A little.

I sent him an email, listing the check amount and the fee I was charged. I also asked him to make sure that his payment to daycare had gone through, and that the truck payment (with me still on the loan, even) went through as well.

And, that I'll be needing the monthly amount in cash. This amount is separate than his half of daycare - this is to cover his half of health insurance for the kids and his half of the bills that were listed as joint in the divorce. It should now be blazingly obvious why I collect the money from him and make the payments myself.

FTR: When I saw what had happened (logged onto my account), I called him and he was very....non-worried about it. I, meanwhile, am flipping out at the idea that he can still, at a moment's notice, wreak havoc with my finances. It pisses me off.

impolite
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Wanna email me his photo and the name of his police department and/or their fax number?

I could make up a really interesting "WANTED" poster.

- T, really good with photo editing & document design.

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I, meanwhile, am flipping out at the idea that he can still, at a moment's notice, wreak havoc with my finances.



And that's the part that would scare the bejebus outta me. Not to mention totally piss me off.

isewquilts
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I could make up a really interesting "WANTED" poster.

- T, really good with photo editing & document design.


Dog that would be fun.

Is that a standing offer? ;)

impolite
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Is that a standing offer? ;)

Absolutely. Max turn around time, 48 hours (and probably much faster), barring any familial emergency or vacation on my end.
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Sounds like it's time to take a pair of pliars to his balls...
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i know a witch who can hex him....(although that might be bad and she might not do it....maybe a voodoo doll...)

:D


hugs to imp.

b
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that the truck payment (with me still on the loan, even) went through as well.

*blink blink*

You are going to fix that, right? I mean get off his loan. If he has to sell the truck then so be it.
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Sounds like it's time to take a pair of pliars to his balls...

OCD: needlenose pliers
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No. of Recommendations: 2
Sounds like it's time to take a pair of pliars to his balls...

OCD: needlenose pliers



OCD: bolt cutters


RJ
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How much do I owe you so far? And when are you coming over to get it?
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Sounds like it's time to take a pair of pliars to his balls...

OCD: needlenose pliers


OCD: bolt cutters


OCD: needlenose pliers and a magnifying glass
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OCD: needlenose pliers and a magnifying glass



I see what you're trying to do there, but I think one thing this doosh isn't short on is balls.


RJ
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I see what you're trying to do there, but I think one thing this doosh isn't short on is balls.

Ah, gotcha.

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I heard that cowboys all have the same size of balls.





















So they can use each other's horse trailer.


85
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I sent him an email, listing the check amount and the fee I was charged. I also asked him to make sure that his payment to daycare had gone through, and that the truck payment (with me still on the loan, even) went through as well.

Oh, *dear*. Dare I hope there is a plan in place to get your name off the truck loan? Oh please? Because DN is just clever enough to get his car repo'ed, I bet, and I would hate for that to be on your credit report...or even a late payment that has nothing to do with you. :-(

{{{{{impolite}}}}}

I wish there was some sort of thing in a divorce where the person who has to pay child support and such would have to take out a big loan, and just pay the amount into an account to be held in trust for the kids, and it would get paid out to cover the bills regularly, and the person who took out the loan paid the loan off monthly, like they would otherwise pay to their ex-spouse, only without the ex-spouse having to worry about hounding the payer to get the money to pay the bills the court said the payer had to pay. (Whew, did I get through that one gender neutral?)

I guess there is, and it's called wage garnishment, but...grrr. Brings back bad memories. :-( I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this, imp. I hope it gets better (though that hope feels a bit like pissing into the wind right now).


--Booa
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You are going to fix that, right? I mean get off his loan. If he has to sell the truck then so be it.

This has been discussed many times with him. The main point of contention seems to be that the man has shot his credit, and can't get a loan by himself.

However, going without the truck also isn't an option, because then he couldn't go to work and I would have even less chance of getting money out of him.

If I could afford it, I'd trade him cars. The truck only has 85K on it, and mine is over 122K now. However, I can't afford the payment.

'Tis a pickle.

impolite
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(((((impolite)))))
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{{{{{{imp}}}}}}}

Just a suggestion, but I think you should call the truck loan people yourself to confirm that the payment has been made and didn't bounce. I don't think I would leave this in DN's court. He's already trashed HIS credit, don't let him do it to yours as well.

Also, isn't it a strange coincidence that very shortly after you have let him know that there is someone else in your life and that you won't be available for any of his "courting" that he pulls a shot like bouncing the check for your bills?? Repeat after me: Mr. Passive Aggressive.

I'm so glad you have RJ in your life now -- he seems to "Get" you and "get" what's important to you. And, vice versa.
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imp, this just sucks. My ex-boy friend still owes me about 3500$ from our joint credit card.

It was all his stuff--car repairs etc etc. I was guilt stricken for leaving the relationship and never closed the account, so he kept using it.

The cc company wouldn't let me get off the account cause his credit was so bad. (Gee wonder why?). Dog knows, I tried and tried.

I finally took broke down and paid the damn card off myself because he kept paying them late, which would rack up the over the limit fees, the late fee, and put dings on BOTH our reports. AND I closed the account --woot. Major step for me.

I still kick myself for not closing the account when the balance was at 200$. Lesson learned--do not lend money. do not have joint credit cards.

You, however, clearly would have no problem closing the account. :)

which reminds me, i need to send him a nagging email. I could use that money.

b
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It should now be blazingly obvious why I collect the money from him and make the payments myself.

I feel for you. I was living with a BF when I first moved to California almost 5 years ago, and I collected his half of the money and paid the bills on time as well. When we broke up, it was for several deep-seated reasons, but the one reason he voiced aloud was that I was "all about money." "It's all you care about."

Well, someone has to. It's not about money, it's about security and sleeping well at night. And having a credit score higher than the 50th percentile. :-/

<mini rant> And how is it possible for some people to reach their early 30's, and have lived away from their parents' home for years and years, and actually say (on the 5th or 6th of the month, when I've already fronted the money for the bills and my checks are about to start bouncing) to say the following with a straight face: "Oh, I forgot to write a check for you. I'll do it tomorrow." Um, NO, get your LAZY ASS off the couch and do it tonight. Haven't the bills been due on the first of the month for, oh, say, the last 12 YEARS that you've been paying them?</mini rant>

Anyway, I feel for you.

Kasha
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DN's check, that he gives me the first of each month to cover his portion of the bills, bouncing.

Grrrrrr.

impolite
covering the fallout from her efund, until DN gives me cash


Dude.
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best.post.ever
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This has been discussed many times with him. The main point of contention seems to be that the man has shot his credit, and can't get a loan by himself.

Is he upside down on the loan?

Get his parents to co-sign with him or something. Being on a loan with him is a huge liability for you and it just isn't right.

He doesn't really need THAT truck - he just needs something.

Dang - really sorry 'bout that one, Imp.
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Was it a personal check, or one of those CC convenience checks?
Both suck, but one is funnier.

s
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Was it a personal check, or one of those CC convenience checks?
Both suck, but one is funnier.


Hah, yes, the second one would have been much funnier.

It was a personal check. I haven't gotten a response to my email yet, either. Interesting.

impolite
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As you go through this lovely journey with your ex, keep in mind the saying "leopards don't change their spots"

Truse me when I say that after six years of dealing with DN's second cousin in parental irresponsibility, that I have ten stories that will top any you've told.

Really.

Ask me someday about the football helmet.
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As you go through this lovely journey with your ex, keep in mind the saying "leopards don't change their spots"

Truse me when I say that after six years of dealing with DN's second cousin in parental irresponsibility, that I have ten stories that will top any you've told.

Really.

Ask me someday about the football helmet.



Is it too soon to ask about the football helmet?


--Booa (curious)
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No, ask away.


Two summers ago, the boy decided he'd like to have his own personal football helmet, rather than use the one provided by the school. So he asked his dad for a helmet for his birthday.

So his dad called my wife and said "I'm going to buy Jamie a helmet for his birthday, so I need you to put it on your credit card and I'll pay you back."

My wife, with plenty of experience in this area, said "No, you give me cash and I'll order the helmet"

So dad calls my stepson and says "Your mother won't order the helmet until she has the money, so will you give her the $200 for me and I'll pay you back."

Three months later he gave my stepson $100. He stiffed the kid the other hundred. Really.
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As you go through this lovely journey with your ex, keep in mind the saying "leopards don't change their spots"

Ahem. I've been working in the court system for many, many years. I couldn't figure out how to get old poophead to pay child support. (I'm an attorney and have handled many a child support case.)

I mentioned to a friend -- also a lawyer and single parent and high up in the law enforcement ranks -- that I wasn't getting child supprt. He said, "After a while you get used to it."

Eventually, poophead chose to have his parental rights terminated and DH adopted DS, so there was a happily every after.

Gail
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So dad calls my stepson and says "Your mother won't order the helmet until she has the money, so will you give her the $200 for me and I'll pay you back."

Three months later he gave my stepson $100. He stiffed the kid the other hundred. Really.



OK, let me just say that if DN ever does this, cop or no cop, I'll take you up on that lead pipe offer. Assuming we can keep imp from doing it first.


RJ
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OK, let me just say that if DN ever does this, cop or no cop, I'll take you up on that lead pipe offer. Assuming we can keep imp from doing it first.

And just to add a "little touch that means so much" to the whole thing, we'll each take 17 whacks at him.

DN Pinata!
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And just to add a "little touch that means so much" to the whole thing, we'll each take 17 whacks at him.



And a DN sticking out his you know what.


RJ
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Two summers ago, the boy decided he'd like to have his own personal football helmet, rather than use the one provided by the school. So he asked his dad for a helmet for his birthday.

So his dad called my wife and said "I'm going to buy Jamie a helmet for his birthday, so I need you to put it on your credit card and I'll pay you back."

My wife, with plenty of experience in this area, said "No, you give me cash and I'll order the helmet"

So dad calls my stepson and says "Your mother won't order the helmet until she has the money, so will you give her the $200 for me and I'll pay you back."

Three months later he gave my stepson $100. He stiffed the kid the other hundred. Really.


Jeezus Kriced. What a tool.
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He doesn't really need THAT truck - he just needs something.

An $800 hooptie would still get him to and 'fro. He wouldn't lookut it'd do the trick.

Can his mother buy the truck from you and him?

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Three months later he gave my stepson $100. He stiffed the kid the other hundred. Really.

My Dog, that's awful.

impolite
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It's kind of hard to get your head around, isn't it.

And, like DN, he has a good job and makes decent money. There's just something missing somewhere inside him, I think.

His family are all great people, too. His brothers are wonderful gentlemen who are fine influences and role models for my stepsons. One of his brothers is a regular, very welcome visitor in my home. The other brother I don't see as often because he lives four hours away, but he is also a very welcome guest whenever he does come to town.

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OK, let me just say that if DN ever does this, cop or no cop, I'll take you up on that lead pipe offer. Assuming we can keep imp from doing it first.


As the kids grow up and gain understanding, I find that, eventually, behavior is rewarded. I had a wonderful weekend in Indianapolis at the football camp. We discussed college, sports, I got to hear the boy say "I've never been in a hotel this nice in my life" and I was there when he ran a 4.79 40 and benched 185 nine times. Given that he weighs 182 I thought that was pretty impressive.

I also got to answer the question "did you get a raise or something" with "I'm just careful and plan so that I can do what I want when I want to. Now tell me again why you don't want to apply to the University of Illinois and Northwestern?" "Doesn't it cost a lot of money to apply? I might not get accepted, he said." I replied "You're right. You might not. Do you think I'm going to make you pay the application fee?"

So plans for the weekend include Mom and me sitting down with the boy going over college budget and the importance of him saving money from his summer job so he can carry his share of the load. I think it'll go well. His grades and test scores should be good enough for the U of I. Northwestern will be a stretch. Maybe he'll get a football scholarship.

Did you know that tuition, fees, and expenses at Northwestern, according to their website, total more than $48000 per year?
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Three months later he gave my stepson $100. He stiffed the kid the other hundred. Really.

That kid is so incredibly lucky to have you in his life. Don't ever question why he'd rather you be the Dad at Father Son events again. Really. You da man, eudaimon6
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Eventually, poophead chose to have his parental rights terminated and DH adopted DS, so there was a happily every after.

That's the toughest thing to fight, the indifference. A normal person with an intact soul sees the picture of Mark's lovely baby and wants to coo and make googoo eyes. A normal person with an intact soul sees their son making the honor roll for the seventh consecutive year and wants to attend the awards remony where he is recognized for that achievement.

All the times I went rounds with my father and all the times I was angry with him, I always could respect and love him. I missed Jamie's ceremony this year because I was at his funeral. I will proudly display in my home the flag that draped his casket. The soldiers from Ft Leonard Wood did a fine job. A military honors funeral is a beautiful ceremony. He was laid to rest on the side of a rocky hill near his farm in Missouri next to my mother; my father never expressed a desire to be buried at Arlington.

http://www.arlingtoncemetery.org/ceremonies/military_funerals.html
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A normal person with an intact soul sees the picture of Mark's lovely baby and wants to coo and make googoo eyes.


To be fair, there are plenty of normal people who wouldn't, but that doesn't make them potential douchenozzles. The key is that these folks recognize they're not Kid People™ and don't reproduce.

And if they do reproduce anyway, they step up to the plate and deal. Actions, consequences, etc.

You know, i'd like to think that if i ever (hypothetically!) decided that i was going to shirk my parental responsibility and run off to a small beach community in a non-extradition policy-type country*, i'd at least have the decency to leave my kid (and ex-spouse) with a pile of money. I know it's not at all enough to make up for the abandonment but at least the bills could be paid.

I mean, talk about adding insult to injury. I believe that wise sage David Lee Roth is credited with saying, "Money may not buy happiness, but it can buy you a big boat so you can sail right up next to it."





* I think i just wrote a John Grisham novel.
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A normal person with an intact soul sees the picture of Mark's lovely baby and wants to coo and make googoo eyes.


To be fair, there are plenty of normal people who wouldn't, but that doesn't make them potential douchenozzles. The key is that these folks recognize they're not Kid People™ and don't reproduce.


Not to mention the numbers of googoolers who loooove babies, but don't deal well with actual children who have their own needs and personalities.

I feel so cynical today.

You know, i'd like to think that if i ever (hypothetically!) decided that i was going to shirk my parental responsibility and run off to a small beach community in a non-extradition policy-type country*, i'd at least have the decency to leave my kid (and ex-spouse) with a pile of money. I know it's not at all enough to make up for the abandonment but at least the bills could be paid.

So you're saying, fake your own death so that the husband and kid get the insurance money?
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So you're saying, fake your own death so that the husband and kid get the insurance money?


I was thinking more along the lines of Mrs. Kramer who just up and decided that she didn't want to be married or a mother and left.
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Ya know, sometimes I wonder why syncspouse, as cute and sweet and overall wonderful as she is*, would choose to go out with and eventually marry a slug like me**. And then there's someone as attractive and, more importantly, smart and mature and well-centered as imp, and I wonder why she'd be so thrilled to be with someone with the interesting assortment of character traits that RJ has***.

Then I read these tales of DN, as well as numerous stories from sycnspouse (and she's got a bunch of them), and I realize: how do some of us guys do this? Because, you know those stories? That is our competition.

And any girl who is more mature than a teenager will go for that All The Time.

Syncspouse's co-workers apparently think I'm this fantastic husband or something, but compared to most of the guys who post here and on other boards frequented by this crowd, I'm a piker. Heck, compared to most of my close friends, I'm a hosehead. Seriously.

I'll shut up now before I say something sappy about Imp and RJ which will totally be ruin any possibilities for making off-color remarks at a later time on RJ's board.

-synchronicity, glad to know on the boards a group of people who I'd like to live around IRL. Well, I mean, if RJ didn't live in OKC and all.

*- no, she's not perfect. her and organization don't always get along.
**- her perception skills are also really bad, which would probably be the answer to this question.
***- personally, I'm a fan of most of those traits, but then, if I'm a fan, that's generally not a good sign.
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Did you know that tuition, fees, and expenses at Northwestern, according to their website, total more than $48000 per year?

Yeah, knew that. I can also quote you chapter & verse on the Ivys as well as my old alma mater, AND historical tuition increases. Sometimes when I want to get depressed I run those numbers

BTW, although rad is the college finance guru, some of us also know at least about the topic.

-synchronicity
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And then there's someone as attractive and, more importantly, smart and mature and well-centered as imp, and I wonder why she'd be so thrilled to be with someone with the interesting assortment of character traits that RJ has***.


She's just using me for sex.


RJ - of the mad skills
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-synchronicity, glad to know on the boards a group of people who I'd like to live around IRL. Well, I mean, if RJ didn't live in OKC and all.



...wait for it....


RJ
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She's just using me for sex.

RJ - of the mad skills


Right, but besides that. I meant the not-so-obvious reasons.

-synchronicity
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Right, but besides that. I meant the not-so-obvious reasons.



Such as....


RJ - clueless
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To be fair, there are plenty of normal people who wouldn't, but that doesn't make them potential douchenozzles. The key is that these folks recognize they're not Kid People™ and don't reproduce.

And of course, there are the ones like me that do coo and ooh at them, and still aren't Kid People. For example, today I went totally out of my way to go visit the beautiful baby girl belonging to my best dear friend so I could bring her the stuffed Tigger I hauled back from Florida and to admire her first two teeth. And I felt the need to kiss her little button nose. So I did.

-Sunny
Likes kids that go home after a while
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And if they do reproduce anyway, they step up to the plate and deal. Actions, consequences, etc.

Yes, exactly.

-synchronicity
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You're money - inject a healthy dose of heavy sales volume Grisham into your keen ability to channel Dostoyevsky and you'll be the next literary juggernaut.
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Right, but besides that. I meant the not-so-obvious reasons.

Such as....


A) You've got a dog large enough that her kids can ride it places, thus saving her from buying a new stroller.

2) Your place of residence gives her a chance to get "discovered" from her unwitting cameo as "cute girl in peril from giant tornado" on an episode of "Nature's Fury Unleashed" on the Discovery Channel.

Those are the first ones that come to mind.

-synchronicity
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And of course, there are the ones like me that do coo and ooh at them, and still aren't Kid People. For example, today I went totally out of my way to go visit the beautiful baby girl belonging to my best dear friend so I could bring her the stuffed Tigger I hauled back from Florida and to admire her first two teeth. And I felt the need to kiss her little button nose. So I did.

-Sunny
Likes kids that go home after a while


And that's fine. Different isn't wrong, but some people have a hard time with this concept. I have more respect for someone who knows their own mind enough to realize that than for those who spawn randomly every 11 months.


~marcia

Chose to inflict my DNA on the world just once
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She's just using me for sex.


RJ - of the mad skills


Not just sex. Okay, mostly sex, but not *just* sex.

Whoever had you before me trained you well - you make coffee for me in the mornings, without me asking.

It just doesn't get better than that.

impolite
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Whoever had you before me trained you well - you make coffee for me in the mornings, without me asking.

Is that what you're calling it now?


It just doesn't get better than that.

Awwww. *smooch*


RJ
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I want a man who get's up before me and makes a run to starbucks. If I ever meet a man who does that for me, I will be his slave for life.
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I want a man who get's up before me and makes a run to starbucks.


That's aiming pretty high.


RJ
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I know. I expect too much.
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I know. I expect too much.

How about a guy who owns a really fabulous coffee maker, and knows how to set the timer?

I'm not a coffee drinker, so I don't know how good Starbucks is relative to the gourmet stuff you can do at home now.

-lizmonster, has a guy who makes sure the house is well stocked with Diet Coke and doesn't expect her to be coherent pre-caffeine
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Starbucks regular coffee isn't even very good.

And by the time he gets back, isn't it halfway cold?

Why not just find a man who knows how to make decent coffee?

Anyway, for the price of two starbucks concoctions, I can buy a quarter pound of Jamaican Blue Mountain beans. Well, almost, anyway.
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I want a man who get's up before me and makes a run to starbucks. If I ever meet a man who does that for me....

How about a man who buys really really good coffee beans, grinds them fresh in the morning, owns two coffee makers (one Braun, the other Krups) so he can make regular for you and decaf for himself, sets the timer so it will start brewing shortly before you are likely to get up (yes, of course he knows when you're likely to finally get out of bed), and takes care of the baby for a few hours in the morning (diaper change, making her breakfast and feeding it to her) to let you sleep in, even though he's kinda short on sleep himself from having to wake up at 5:30 every morning during the week.

Oh, and pours the cofee for you, adding cream and sugar just as you like it?

...I will be his slave for life

Now do you believe me re: certain habits of me and syncspouse?

-synchronicity
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I don't drink regular coffee, so nothing with a timer will work. A latte, unfortunately, takes time and skill to make. But I would be equally happy to find a man with a good machine who can turn a nice latte out. But the simplest way to my heart is a trip to starbucks.
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No. Starbucks is only a half mile away. A little longer if you want to go to my favorite one (5 miles).

As I said, I don't do regular coffee. Only lattes.
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As I said, I don't do regular coffee. Only lattes.

If you'd switch to the real stuff, you'd have an SO in no time.

Guys are scared of the high maintenance thing.
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How about a man who buys really really good coffee beans, grinds them fresh in the morning, owns two coffee makers (one Braun, the other Krups) so he can make regular for you and decaf for himself, sets the timer so it will start brewing shortly before you are likely to get up (yes, of course he knows when you're likely to finally get out of bed), and takes care of the baby for a few hours in the morning (diaper change, making her breakfast and feeding it to her) to let you sleep in, even though he's kinda short on sleep himself from having to wake up at 5:30 every morning during the week.


OK enough of this kinda talk right now.

You're blowing the super cool image of me getting up and making some totally decent coffee flavored cream and sugar, using preground canned coffee.

Damnit.


RJ
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As I said, I don't do regular coffee. Only lattes.

http://www.healthdiscovery.net/recipes/beverages/coffee_latte.htm

http://www.nojosorganiccoffee.com/recipes.php

You and your future The One are welcome.

impolite
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OK enough of this kinda talk right now.

You're blowing the super cool image of me getting up and making some totally decent coffee flavored cream and sugar, using preground canned coffee.

Damnit.


Nah, he's really not. The only requirement is it be coffee flavored and hot. I'm not awake enough to tell the difference then, anyway.

impolite
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Regular coffee makes me feel jittery. I like the feel of a latte. It wakes me up and also gives me a calm feeling. The only other thing I will drink, besides juice and water, and my wine of course, is hot black tea.
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Regular coffee makes me feel jittery. I like the feel of a latte. It wakes me up and also gives me a calm feeling. The only other thing I will drink, besides juice and water, and my wine of course, is hot black tea.



Seriously. High maintenance. Embrace the term.

RJ
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Thank you, imp.

:-)
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My first wife said the same thing. She's been traded in on a lower maintenance model.
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OK enough of this kinda talk right now.

You're blowing the super cool image of me getting up and making some totally decent coffee flavored cream and sugar, using preground canned coffee.


FWIW, syncspouse drinks a lot of the preground canned stuff, to the point that she's told me not to bother spending the money on the good stuff (she appreciates it*, but not enough to spend the cash on it**).

Heck, she'd drink that freezedried Taster's Choice if she didn't have me making that gourmet siht.

-synchronicity

*- So snippee, if you're lurking, don't worry
**- yes, it is good to have an SO who's generally on the same page with you financially
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ok, RJ. I'm high maintenance and nobody will ever love me.
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ok, RJ. I'm high maintenance and nobody will ever love me.

OH THE MELODRAMA!

MY EYES!
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hehehe
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ok, RJ. I'm high maintenance and nobody will ever love me.

Or perhaps what he's saying is that if you'd take responsibility for getting your own coffee, you'd be beating them off with a stick.

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No, you're totally good here.

See, Imp is, like my bride, a Good Woman.

A Good Woman understands that what you are doing when you get up before her and make her something nice in the morning is, in truth, a love offering.

It really isn't coffee at all.


A Good Woman knows these things.


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Who do you think is getting my coffee now???

Of course I get my own coffee, I'm just saying if I did find someone who made the gesture that it would mean a lot to me.

And I don't seem to need my beating stick, even though I am getting my own lattes.
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Or perhaps what he's saying is that if you'd take responsibility for getting your own coffee, you'd be beating them off with a stick.



Some guys are into high maintenance and some aren't. I just think she would do well to look for those are.


RJ
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Of course I get my own coffee, I'm just saying if I did find someone who made the gesture that it would mean a lot to me.


As long as the gesture was a $6 Starbucks latte and not some homemade regularbrew.


RJ
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A Good Woman understands that what you are doing when you get up before her and make her something nice in the morning is, in truth, a love offering.

It really isn't coffee at all.

A Good Woman knows these things.



Crap, I knew that.

RJ -clueless boy
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It would be a nice gesture, what I wouldn't be able to drink it. So it would be nice the first time and then what?
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Not that you had any way of knowing, but my wife calls me that.

I like to think she says it with affection.

I like to think that.
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{{FWIW, syncspouse drinks a lot of the preground canned stuff, to the point that she's told me not to bother spending the money on the good stuff (she appreciates it*, but not enough to spend the cash on it**).}}


That is how my wife and I are. We will use the cheapest beans we find and grind them as we need them for morning coffee. However, we do purchase better beans for desert coffees.


c
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A Good Woman understands that what you are doing when you get up before her and make her something nice in the morning is, in truth, a love offering.

It really isn't coffee at all.


I think I'm pretty low maintenance -- and it's a darn good thing, because DH doesn't make me coffee or dinner or do the laundry or clean the bathrooms or send flowers. . .

BUT, he spent hours yesterday making my new Palm Treo work just the way he knew I'd want it to work. And he figures out all the cell phone plans and does all the dealing with cell phone provider type people.

Gotta love him.

Gail
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BUT, he spent hours yesterday making my new Palm Treo

Aren't these just spectacular?

They are a dream from an IT support standing - intuitive interface for the user (which means less support calls to us in the first place), we can point that device to download from our Exchange Server with nary a blip in sight....love them.

LOVE THEM.

impolite
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A Good Woman understands that what you are doing when you get up before her and make her something nice in the morning is, in truth, a love offering.

It really isn't coffee at all.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I think I'm pretty low maintenance -- and it's a darn good thing, because DH doesn't make me coffee or dinner or do the laundry or clean the bathrooms or send flowers. . .


BF occasionally gets the kettle on before me- not usually - but he is excellent at making sure the bras go into a bra bag before they go in the wash, and, after washing, he will hang them and not throw them into the dryer.

peace & love offerings
t
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OK enough of this kinda talk right now.

Oh, forgot something. I left out: "and make her breakfast burritos, filling tortillas with a mix of eggs, red peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes, and lots of cheese because she really likes cheese, a little mild salsa because she doesn't like hot salsa, and no green onions because she doesn't like those either. Give her two of these and bring the plate with them to her table with silverware and napkins. As she starts eating, start up the Baby Einstein DVD for syncgirl so she can eat her breakfast in peace".

Don't tell me, Breezy, you like green onions and don't like mushrooms or something. That's Not The Point!

-synchronicity
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You know, it just occurred to me. If you want to get back at DN for his check bouncing (as someone pointed out it may be more passive aggressiveness than stupidity) get him a year's subscription to the Fool. Then when he reads what we say about him and what you and RJ are doing maybe...nah, never mind.

Leopards do not change their spots.

ARR
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Oh, and pours the cofee for you, adding cream and sugar just as you like it?

Change that to Coca-cola and I would *bleep* his brains out whenever he wanted.

ARR
not coherent before at least one coke
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I would *bleep* his brains out whenever he wanted.

That's the idea.

-synchronicity, has ulterior motives
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You know, it just occurred to me. If you want to get back at DN for his check bouncing (as someone pointed out it may be more passive aggressiveness than stupidity) get him a year's subscription to the Fool. Then when he reads what we say about him and what you and RJ are doing maybe...nah, never mind.



I have a feeling the subtlety would be totally lost on him and he would read any gift as a sign that she's pining for him.


Leopards do not change their spots.

And DNs don't change their spouts.


;)

RJ
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Remember Pavlov?

Receive coke, consume coke, bleep coke-bringers brains out

After a half-dozen training sessions, if the coke doesn't simply appear, cease training sessions and take trainee to the nearest Salvation Army men's shelter. He either doesn't like your training methods or he is untrainable-either way you're both better off going yoiur separate ways.

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not coherent before at least one coke

So I'm gathering from this thread that there are quite a few people who drink soda in the morning. Which... is weird to me. But whatever. :)
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How about a man who buys really really good coffee beans, grinds them fresh in the morning, owns two coffee makers (one Braun, the other Krups) so he can make regular for you and decaf for himself, sets the timer so it will start brewing shortly before you are likely to get up (yes, of course he knows when you're likely to finally get out of bed), and takes care of the baby for a few hours in the morning (diaper change, making her breakfast and feeding it to her) to let you sleep in, even though he's kinda short on sleep himself from having to wake up at 5:30 every morning during the week.

How about a man who can take or leave coffee himself, but makes his wife some every morning because he knows she really needs it, and always lets her sleep until the last possible moment, getting the kids up and starting breakfast, even though he's kinda short on sleep himself? And then this happens to the poor bastard?

http://boards.fool.com/Message.asp?mid=24147919
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How about a man who can take or leave coffee himself, but makes his wife some every morning because he knows she really needs it, and always lets her sleep until the last possible moment, getting the kids up and starting breakfast, even though he's kinda short on sleep himself? And then this happens to the poor bastard?

http://boards.fool.com/Message.asp?mid=24147919



He's a keeper, fersure.
So, how's his hand? How many stitches, surgery required? etc., etc.

Gayle

PS Hi.
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And then there's someone as attractive and, more importantly, smart and mature and well-centered as imp, and I wonder why she'd be so thrilled to be with someone with the interesting assortment of character traits that RJ has***.


She's just using me for sex.


RJ - of the mad skills


Oh, please. Loyal, smart, funny, interesting, loving, understanding, considerate? Sorry to be all boringly un-snarky about it, but there's no big mystery here, fellas.
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So, how's his hand? How many stitches, surgery required? etc., etc.

Hi Gayle! :) He had stitches at the urgent care place, didn't tell me how many (we are communicating via BlackBerry), and has a 3:30 surgery appt. up in Morristown. He was most upset because he thought he was going to miss a lunch meeting with his bosses (new job) but it seems they waited for him and are having the meeting now.

How was your move??
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Oh, please. Loyal, smart, funny, interesting, loving, understanding, considerate? Sorry to be all boringly un-snarky about it, but there's no big mystery here, fellas.



You left out...well...you know.

RJ - still on probation
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Syncspouse's co-workers apparently think I'm this fantastic husband or something, but compared to most of the guys who post here and on other boards frequented by this crowd, I'm a piker. Heck, compared to most of my close friends, I'm a hosehead. Seriously.

There is much to be said for low hurdles.

--B+C
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So, how's his hand?


*giggle*

RJ - immature
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Hi Gayle! :) He had stitches at the urgent care place, didn't tell me how many (we are communicating via BlackBerry), and has a 3:30 surgery appt. up in Morristown. He was most upset because he thought he was going to miss a lunch meeting with his bosses (new job) but it seems they waited for him and are having the meeting now.

How was your move??


Eeep! Sorry to hear about all that. Hope he's not out of commission for too long. I saw on your board you said he snapped the tendon afterward. Would say "what a pain," but that just doesn't cover it. Good luck to him--and you! Morristown is a bit of a hike, but maybe it's closer to his office. That said, I went to a neurologist in Morristown a couple of years ago.

Nice of his bosses to wait for him.

Move went fine, thanks. Working out the kinks on the house. Never lived in a new house and there's a lot to do. Can't wait for ChiliSpouse to get here permanently in July.

Gayle
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Loyal, smart, funny, interesting, loving, understanding, considerate? Sorry to be all boringly un-snarky about it, but there's no big mystery here, fellas.

Look, if you want to start an OT thread about positive character traits, that's all well and good, but let's get back to the topic at hand*, namely "why does imp like RJ so much"?

-synchronicity

*- heheheheh, I said "at hand"**
**- maybe the answer is "he's good with his hands"
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How about a man who can take or leave coffee himself, but makes his wife some every morning because he knows she really needs it, and always lets her sleep until the last possible moment, getting the kids up and starting breakfast, even though he's kinda short on sleep himself? And then this happens to the poor bastard?

You obviously need to bleep his brains out.*

-synchronicity

*-I mean, more so than usual
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How about a man who buys really really good coffee beans, grinds them fresh in the morning, . . . sets the timer so it will start brewing shortly before you are likely to get up (yes, of course he knows when you're likely to finally get out of bed), and takes care of the [kitchen] in the morning . . . to let you sleep in, even though he's kinda short on sleep himself from having to wake up at 5:30 every morning during the week. Oh, and pours the cofee for you, adding cream and sugar just as you like it?

Uh oh. Is there a bigamy thing going on here?
Pine, lucky that MrPine does the same thing!
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So I'm gathering from this thread that there are quite a few people who drink soda in the morning. Which... is weird to me. But whatever. :)

Yeah, I don't like coffee. When I was little, I would eat breakfast sitting in my dad's lap. One morning I got stupid and asked for a sip of his coffee. He drinks like Folgers--black. Never. Again. That and I just don't like hot drinks---I like my hot cocoa not very hot.

The coke thing is a hold over from college.

ARR
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Oh, please. Loyal, smart, funny, interesting, loving, understanding, considerate? Sorry to be all boringly un-snarky about it, but there's no big mystery here, fellas.

Better watch it. Keep talking him up like that and RJ's not going to be able to get his head in impolite's door.

Wait, that sounds bad....
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I love green onions and mushrooms.

One question though... I know that isn't the point, but what should the point be for me (a single girl living alone) other then to try to make me feel lonely?

I know you like to brag about your love life and all, but do you need to rub it in my face in particular?

At least make me a breakfast burrito while you do it!
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I love green onions and mushrooms.

One question though... I know that isn't the point, but what should the point be for me (a single girl living alone) other then to try to make me feel lonely?


Actually, there is an important point which I realized as I was reading through this, namely, all this stuff won't happen all at once. You tend to have this "I met a guy...it's been 12 hours and he hasn't emailed/called me" thing. It's gradual. You'll also probably have to go through a lot of chaff before you find something wheaty-looking. And it might not actually be wheat.

It took me quite a while to find syncspouse, and it took syncspouse even longer to find me, and she could tell you lots more stories about really bad relationships in the meantime. However, what she took out of that was that she knew what she wanted in an SO. So she wasn't just looking for "a guy", but had ideas for what she wanted out of a guy. Also, she knew what really didn't make any difference, it could be there or not. Which is important because nobody is perfect (although RJ will disagree if you ask him about imp), so you have to know what traits are crucial in a potential SO, and which one's are no big deal. (As well as knowing which traits are dealbreakers).

Eventually you'll meet someone where things will click, but don't rush things when it happens. You're cute, you're smart, you have money and apparently a nice rack*, you'll mmet guys, you won't like a lot of them.

Syncspouse was your age when she met me, and it was out of the blue. She was living with someone else at the time, and it was a totally dead end relationship for her; she was sticking with it solely out of intertia. And even then, she didn't ask to go out with me until 3+ months after we met (and after I'd asked her out more than once).

You've gone on, what, 4-5 dates in the last week? You're meeting guys. You're working out. You're down to only one scone day. You're doing what you should do.

And FWIW, I didn't start making breakfast burritos for syncspouse for months. Heck, she got on my case for not making thai food for her for several months after telling her I could make Pad Siew. We had a number of stupid, silly arguments when we finally started going out. it all worked out fine somehow.

Know yourself, know what you really want. Prioritize. What do you want most in an SO, what's optional, what's Not Acceptable. Keep getting out and meeting guys. Keep taking care of yourself, you don't have trouble attracting guys now, in spite of what you might think. Keep meeting people and eventually you'll have your latte guy. Who might hvae some issues that annoy you, but to you they won't be that important.

All right, enough of that.

-synchronicity

*-obligatory crude comment

PS- if you're ever in the area, I'll see about making you a breakfast burrito.
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PS- if you're ever in the area, I'll see about making you a breakfast burrito.

-----------

Deal! I'll bring the coffee!
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Which is important because nobody is perfect (although RJ will disagree if you ask him about imp),


Actually, not true. You see, she has this very annoying habit of arguing with me when I tell her how perfect she is. This, of course, tarnishes her image of perfection, yes also proves her right, and thus perfect again.

It's a vicious cycle, I'm tellin ya.


RJ
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She does this so you all can have post-argument sex, so just go with it.
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She does this so you all can have post-argument sex, so just go with it.



Making up sucks when you're doing from 300+ miles away. Trust me on this.


RJ
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you'd be beating them off with a stick.

That sounds painful!

-synchronicity, meant to respond a while back, got sidetracked.
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webcam
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Did you know that tuition, fees, and expenses at Northwestern, according to their website, total more than $48000 per year?

yes but I can make you feel a little better - at least you weren't the one who pointed out the school to him.

rad
mother of '06 grad Wash U in St Louis

P.S. Email if there's anything about the college and/or athletic stuff I can help with - above grad is the distance runner
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Hi,

I've got more questions than you can shake a stick at.


Let's start with a basic one. Is there any reasonable way of telling in advance what kind of money Northwestern is likely to expect me to come up with as "family contribution" before you're well into the decision process?

We aren't rich or anything, just comfortably in that middle class income range where you know you'll have to pay for everything at a state school sooner or later. We can get loans, of course, but I don't imagine we'll qualify for any actual grants/free money. I'm not remotely willing to make plans on the hope of a football scholarship. If it happens that'd be neat, of course, and then we'd have more money than otherwise. But I've prepared myself to get very little in terms of gov't free money.

So my wife and I have been projecting all along for us to pay about $17,000/year out of our collective pockets for an Illinois state school. I would like to have some notion of what Northwestern would expect us to come up with. Do you have to go all the way to obtaining an offer of admission and filling out the FAFSA to have much of a picture, or is there any sort of online calculator into which I could input my personal info and get a rough picture of my situation.
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My advice... have junior move out and work for two years. At which time he can apply for financial aid under his own income and not yours and should be able to get some grants and low interest loans. Then you guys can gift him $10K a year for living expenses and other stuff.
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eudaimon6 added to your Favorite Fools list



Well that was long overdue.

What an excellent example you are to your stepson.
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My advice... have junior move out and work for two years.

I don't know if this works anymore. Reagan change the dependency laws to 24 or orphaned/ward of the state or something like that.(EG--it didn't matter that you had been living on your own for 3 years, you were 21 and therefore still dependent. A friend of mine caught caught up in it.)

I don't know if that still holds true, but I wouldn't do this without checking into it.

b
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Surely they can't force a child to claim they are dependent when they are not getting help from their parents. If a person has moved out and has been living on their own, even if they are only 20, they are adults and may no longer have a relationship with their parents.

There has a way to show that someone is independent at any age.
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Surely they can't force a child to claim they are dependent when they are not getting help from their parents. If a person has moved out and has been living on their own, even if they are only 20, they are adults and may no longer have a relationship with their parents.


Like I said, I don't know if that has changed or not, you need to talk with your finanical aid office. But I remember Reagan doing it and pissing off a LOT of people in the process. So, they may have changed it back. It *was* a long time ago.

(It's financial aid. It's not supposed to make sense.)

b
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Surely they can't force a child to claim they are dependent when they are not getting help from their parents. If a person has moved out and has been living on their own, even if they are only 20, they are adults and may no longer have a relationship with their parents.

There has a way to show that someone is independent at any age.


I got married and moved out of my parents' house at 19. When I went back to school the next fall, I still had to include a copy of my dad's tax return with the FAFSA form, even though I was no longer a dependent on it. The university claimed that they didn't take it into consideration when determining my financial aid (and I did get decent financial aid, although I could have used more, of course), but my parents information and tax return were still required for the FAFSA, upon which the financial aid was based. I'm not sure what would have happened if my dad had refused to allow me to attach a copy of his tax return to it. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten the aid due to an incomplete application. (I think that was the implication from the university's finanical aid office.)

- Karen
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When I started to go back to school back in 1990, that was the case for me. I don't know if it has changed since.
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But after you have been on your own for two years, you no longer have to do that. At least that was the case for me.
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Surely they can't force a child to claim they are dependent when they are not getting help from their parents. If a person has moved out and has been living on their own, even if they are only 20, they are adults and may no longer have a relationship with their parents.

There has a way to show that someone is independent at any age.


You're mostly just wrong unless parental rights have been terminated and the student is a ward of the court. Otherwise to be considered independent for financial aid purposes :
An independent student is at least 24 years old as of January 1 of the academic year, is married, is a graduate or professional student, has a legal dependent other than a spouse, is a veteran of the US Armed Forces, or is an orphan or ward of the court (or was a ward of the court until age 18).

from www.finaid.org

and the reason is parents gaming the system.

rad


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I responded via email but for anyone else who needs it - here's a good family contribution calculator :
http://www.finaid.org/calculators/finaidestimate.phtml

rad
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I got married and moved out of my parents' house at 19. When I went back to school the next fall, I still had to include a copy of my dad's tax return with the FAFSA form, even though I was no longer a dependent on it.



Sorta same here. We had planned to game the system a bit by me starting to claim independant status early on. I had to include my parent's tax returns anyway, even after being "on my own" for over 2 years.

Because my parents were securely upper middle class, I qualified for exactly squat in the way of need based financial aid. And unfortunately my HS grades didn't shape up in time to get any actual scholarships.

Luckily I managed to figure out that whole "good grades are important" thing at some point though, and am somewhat indifferent in reporting that I am now on the president's honor roll.

Whatever. I just want my degree already.

RJ - super-duper senior
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So my wife and I have been projecting all along for us to pay about $17,000/year out of our collective pockets for an Illinois state school. I would like to have some notion of what Northwestern would expect us to come up with. Do you have to go all the way to obtaining an offer of admission and filling out the FAFSA to have much of a picture, or is there any sort of online calculator into which I could input my personal info and get a rough picture of my situation.

Another option would be for JR to go to a community college for two years, then transfer.

Cornell had a great relationship with the TCCC where the credits were interchangeable.
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My mom died shortly after I started college, but even before that her last years tax return was for only $15K. So maybe I had it easier then most.

They never required I try to contact my father though, not that it would have done any good.
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I had to include my parent's tax returns anyway, even after being "on my own" for over 2 years.

Yeah, that was true in my case, too -- I had to include my parents' tax returns for the 3.5 years it took me to finish my degree after I moved away from my folks' house.

Because my parents were securely upper middle class, I qualified for exactly squat in the way of need based financial aid.

I did get some need-based financial aid, but I'm not sure if it was because I attended a private school that truly did ignore my parents' tax return or if it was because my parents were middle to lower-middle class. Either way, I still had to take out student loans to cover part of the huge private-school tuition, and I'm still paying down those loans today.

- Karen
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Another option would be for JR to go to a community college for two years, then transfer.

For this kid, this is not a good option. He wants to play football. Some 2-yr colleges do have football teams but this is not where you will find good students.

It's a very popular suggestion and for some students, a good one. However, I think this is not that student.

rad
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Is there any reasonable way of telling in advance what kind of money Northwestern is likely to expect me to come up with as "family contribution" before you're well into the decision process?

You will definitely know what the expected family contribution is before you have to choose a college.

As for knowing before you even apply? Not that I know of. Is the application process so onerous that you want to avoid it?

Fill out the FAFSA. It can't hurt, might help. And it truly is not that difficult unless it has changed a lot in the past 10 years.
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For this kid, this is not a good option. He wants to play football. Some 2-yr colleges do have football teams but this is not where you will find good students.



Can he get a football scholorship? If not, I would say his chances of making a team are fairly slim anyway.

Of course that comes from someone who went to a Big 8 (at that time) school with a very fierce football program.


RJ
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Cool.

That is really only/mostly for undergrad, right?

I am sort of kind of playing with the idea of getting a masters. Problem is, I have very expensive taste in education. It isn't that I wouldn't go to a state school. It is that I have yet to find a reasonably priced school that offers the degree that I maybe want.

So would it be better if I took the chunk of money that has been building up for "someday investing in an account other than a 401k or IRA" and doing so? Are they more hands off with that than if it were in, say, a savings account? Or is grad school financial aid so school dependent that there is no one best way?
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Another option would be for JR to go to a community college for two years, then transfer.

For this kid, this is not a good option. He wants to play football. Some 2-yr colleges do have football teams but this is not where you will find good students.

It's a very popular suggestion and for some students, a good one. However, I think this is not that student.


Yerss. Hmmm. Thinking. Football. What do I know about college football. Nothing.

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Twenty years ago, I had the same experience. I had lived on my own for a couple years and was independent. But I had to be able to prove that I was not being claimed as a dependent on my father's tax return. The only part of the return he had to show was the block where he listed his dependents.

The point is moot since I have no intention of doing what Geodesy has suggested.
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Well, I didn't think I was rich.

The Government clearly does.

I was right in thinking that I would qualify for donut.

Rad, you are the best. That was a very helpful calculator, and I appreciate your help very much

Thanks
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Community college isn't off the table.

Northwestern might be though.

The U of I is a fine school.
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The U of I is a fine school.



Good call IMHO. In-state tuition will save a bundle and still offers a very good education that will make him employable, which is the end goal after all.

Does he have any idea what he wants to study?


RJ
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We'll find out about a football scholarship this fall, of course. You're right that if he doesn't get a scholarship then he won't be playing Division I or II football. He probably has a pretty slim chance, in my ignorant estimation, of receiving anything from even a minor DI program like Western Illinois. The kind of school that would really want him is a small division III school like Milliken in Decatur. But DIII schools can't offer athletic scholarships.

I've been planning all along that we (the family we, all of us) would have to carry all or nearly all the load. That's ok as long as we're talking state school. Private schools are a different world, one I had not explored much.

A good private school is roughly triple instate tuition at a good public school.
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A good private school is roughly triple instate tuition at a good public school.



And out of state tuition at a good public school is roughly 2x to 2.5x that of instate. It really does pay off to study where you live*.

RJ


*unless you live someplace like Oklahoma. OK not really. We actually have very decent universities here. I just like to make fun of them.
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Business administration, accountancy, economics.

Northern Illinois University has a good accounting school. U of I College of Commerce is solid. He thinks the U of I is too big, and I think he needs to visit both campuses and realize that 25,000 students at NIU and 35,000 students at UofI isn't really any different.

I think he'd like to get a little way from home, which isn't terrible either. College can be for growing up.
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The application process isn't onerous. Not particularly so, at least. But Northwestern does require a $65 dollar fee, and if there is no way we can afford to pay the freight, why bother?

It looks like the expected family contribution, according to the calculator RAD linked to, is around $40,000 per year, or a bit more than twice what I've been planning for the last five years.

Just trying to gather some information, that's all.

As far as the FAFSA, all schools I know of require it.
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You might check out private schools, eudaimon. Sometimes their finacial aid packets are better than public schools due to endowments, recognition of costs, etc.

I also believe that the Foundation Center (www.fdncenter.org) has a section geared toward students. But don't quote me on that.

b
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We'll be trying to keep eyes open. You never really know until you hear what the school has to say. And the boy has to get admitted, which is no lock. His grades are decent, and his test scores are decent. Not spectacular, and he won't be valedictorian of anything.

I'll keep you all posted.
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The kind of school that would really want him is a small division III school like Milliken in Decatur. But DIII schools can't offer athletic scholarships.

I can tell you about the experiences of my kids.* Sometimes they were offered merit aid to schools where they hadn't even applied. The most astonishing offer was from St Louis Univ to my daughter - she had been awarded a 3-yr AFROTC scholarship which would begin her sophomore year and would cover tuition up to $15K a year plus a stipend and books for her. They offered to cover everything else except her first semester's tuition - everything including room and board. My younger son got something like that from a private college in Texas but I can't remember the name of it.

A couple of things to consider when looking at public vs private. Usually, the 4-yr graduation rate at the private will be much higher. That is also a kid-dependent thing. We made it clear we were paying for 4-years only. However, one of the reasons I "guided" them out of state is that our state university has a 6-year culture. This site was majorly redesigned and changed over last week so I haven't had much time to play with it but the grad rates are somewhere after you get to a specific college : http://nces.ed.gov/ipeds/cool/index.aspx and they should also be available in the college catalog as well.

There are also states with lower populations that support higher education and might be happy to have another good student. My favorite to point to is the Univ of Wyoming where that had almost fewer high school grads for the state than my local high school last year. The Dakotas as well.

The D3's looking to raise their selectivity could also find your son an attractive candidate and be interested in him for football as well.

(Wasn't there somewhere I said I wasn't doing this anymore ? Eh, this is all off the top of my head anyway :)

rad
* We qualify pretty much for nada on the need front.

P.S. Check your state's 529 plan - if there's a state tax break, just running the money you're planning to use through it may save you a bit - it saves me about 5%. Look at www.savingforcollege.com for info

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P.S. Check your state's 529 plan - if there's a state tax break, just running the money you're planning to use through it may save you a bit - it saves me about 5%. Look at www.savingforcollege.com for info

Ah, this I know well. Illinois has a flat income tax of 3%, so the 529 tax break doesn't help a lot but is better than nothing.

Illinois has 3 529 plans. One is a prepaid tuition plan called "College Illinois". It didn't look that great when I checked awhile back, but don't recall all the details.

There are 2 other plans that are savings plans: Bright Start and Bright Directions. Bright Directions, IIRC, is a plan that is only available through a broker. It's brand new (started only a few months ago). Offhand, I can't see any reason to take it over Bright Start: I believe there are more investment options, but there's a layer of fees over and above Bright Start.

Bright Start is the plan I have some of syncgirl's college savings in. It has a number of investment options, the main ones being an "equity" option, a "fixed income" or something similar, and a third that eludes me right now. The equity option is a mix of stock funds, the fixed income a mix of bond funds. IIRC, expense ratios for these funds are just about 1%/yr: not Vanguard, buit not hideous. You can set up the accounts online (as well as get tons more info) at: https://www.brightstartsavings.com/ You can start with a very small initial contribution.

I will defer to rad in all things college related, but I've learned a bit over time on the topic and thanks to the day job have been acquiring more knowledge, and will be happy to share that little knowledge. But again, rad's the expert here, I'm just slowly picking things up. Also, my view is heavily colored by my situation (baby girl 16+ years away from college).

-synchronicity
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{{PS- if you're ever in the area, I'll see about making you a breakfast burrito.}}


Who would want your kind of breakfast burritos, it would be like having to drink black coffee made with Foldgers crystals. Here is how you modify the burrotis to make them better.

First, fry up some sausage, drain and place in a bowl
Add the eggs to the sausage and stir
sweat or sautee some onions, garlic and peppers that have been chopped
add the sausage egg mixture and stir until cooked
place on a burrot shell (preferably home made)
add feta cheese
add salsa
serve


c
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First, fry up some sausage, drain and place in a bowl
Add the eggs to the sausage and stir


Believe it or not, syncspouse doesn't like sausage in her breakfast burritos*. Personally, I prefer adding chorizo, but that's me.

sweat or sautee some onions, garlic and peppers that have been chopped

She's also not a big onion fan. Neither am I, for that matter.

Now, the feta cheese might be worth a try...

-synchronicity

PS- what's a "burrot" shell? ;-)
PPS- you really make your own? More power to you! I only know one other person who makes theirs.

*- the official "shut up RJ" asterisk.
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I want a man who get's up before me and makes a run to starbucks. If I ever meet a man who does that for me....

How about a man who buys really really good coffee beans, grinds them fresh in the morning, owns two coffee makers (one Braun, the other Krups) so he can make regular for you and decaf for himself, sets the timer so it will start brewing shortly before you are likely to get up (yes, of course he knows when you're likely to finally get out of bed), and takes care of the baby for a few hours in the morning (diaper change, making her breakfast and feeding it to her) to let you sleep in, even though he's kinda short on sleep himself from having to wake up at 5:30 every morning during the week.

Oh, and pours the cofee for you, adding cream and sugar just as you like it?

...I will be his slave for life

Now do you believe me re: certain habits of me and syncspouse?

-synchronicity
---

Stop with the decaf already!!
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{{PPS- you really make your own? More power to you! I only know one other person who makes theirs.}}


It is pretty easy. We purchase burrit flower. You simply mix a little water with it, kneed it, roll them out and then cook them in a cast iron low sided skillet. Sometimes they are better than what you can buy and sometimes they are worse. But you do not have to worry about the flour going bad.


c
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Let's start with a basic one. Is there any reasonable way of telling in advance what kind of money Northwestern is likely to expect me to come up with as "family contribution" before you're well into the decision process?

If you have any non-tax deferred savings, then the answer is probably "all of it."

When I was applying for students loans my families EFC was 77k per year. Essentially because my parents are saving for retirement and a big chunk of it is in non-tax deferred accounts, which the government assumes you can just pony up for college.

This isn't that big of a deal, it just means you have to get unsubsidized loans (subsidized only means there is no interest on them until you graduate). If you're middle class no one is going to just give you money for college, though its possible you could get some through applied-for scholarships.
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Yeah, that's what I found out.

It'll be alright, but it is strange the sorts of things government programs end up incentivizing.

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So I'm gathering from this thread that there are quite a few people who drink soda in the morning. Which... is weird to me. But whatever. :)

Until I quit cold turkey, I had to have my Pepsi in the morning to get moving.

-Sunny
5 years sober, but still sniffs the fizz
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5 years sober, but still sniffs the fizz

This still cracks me up.
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5 years sober, but still sniffs the fizz

This still cracks me up.


Don't think for one second that I didn't put it there for your benefit.

-Sunny

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