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No. of Recommendations: 78
Next time you think you have had a bad day in the market think about this guy... Tom is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an email he sent to his sister. She sent it to Laughline and won the contest (he wasn't thrilled with her for that one). Anyway...anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, remember this guy.

Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of Garbage sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than the poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My butt crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he along with 5 other divers were laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for my dry chamber decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to shove it "up my butt" when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't crap for two days because my butthole was swollen shut. I found out that this could easily have been prevented if the suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship. Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your butt. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope this will make them more tolerable. Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon. Love you, Tom
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Robert,

Thanks for sharing that one. I think we'll all be like Tom (figuratively) until this Naz merde' goes by and things start to mend. Now where's my Metamucil???

All the best,
Bob
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Tom is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

I hope they gave Tom some stock options last December about the time I bought at 6 1/4. GLBL is more than a double since then!

Patzer
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Actually, that Urban Legend has been making the rounds for quite some time now.However, given that I'm heavily invested in tech stocks, re-reading that did give me some perspective on life..B-)
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No. of Recommendations: 5
Bad day II


This is an accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the
British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is the
bricklayer's report, a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have walked
away with a Darwin Award for sure!

Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block
#3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor Planning" as the Cause of
my
accident.

You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details
will be
sufficient:
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was
working alone
on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I
found I
had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be
slightly in excess of 500 lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them
in a
barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building
at
the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the
roof,
swung the Barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.
Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a
slow
descent of the bricks. You will note in Block #11 of the accident report
form
that my weight is 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the
ground
so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the
rope.
Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the
building. In
the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now
proceeding
downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured
skull, minor abrasions,
and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report
form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping
until the
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. By this
time I had
regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly
to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to
experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of
bricks
hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.
Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed
approximately
50 lbs. ... I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I
began a
rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the
third
floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured
ankles, broken tooth,
and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed
to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of
bricks
and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report,

however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to
move, I
again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope, and
I
lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back onto me. This

explains the two broken legs.


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